School Games.

Well I never, was just recounting a couple of excellent games that we used to play when we were at school to my mum last night. The more I thought on it, the more I realised how BRILLIANT they were!! See, we didn't have compooters or mobile phones to paralyse us and make us sit and stare and dribble, we were sprightly and full of old fashioned mischief! So, to ensure that they are recorded for posterity, I shall include some here, Biggsy, alert me if I forget one!

The name game
A classic game, and perhaps the first that really took off? I think that we invented it on a coach to Bath on a Latin trip, born of the fact that all the boys at our school were mostly called Tom, Simon, David, Rob and some other one. The basis simply involved roaring one of these names down the length of the coach 'Toooommm, Tom, Tooom' then whoever turned around you say 'NOoot Youu' in an curt and impatient way, as if they are wasting your time. You continue with all of the people of said name.
This developed later into the 'Rose' game, which was slightly crueller, and sprung from the discovery that the learning support teacher was called Rose, so it involved ensuring I was walking near to her so alex and maria could shout 'Rose, Roosssee'. bit mean that.

Distraction
This involved 'distracting' Miss Cleaver, our Latin teacher, by suggesting that Roman inventions such as aquaducts, were rubbish, thus sending her into a furious frenzy of explanation, which would last an hour, and ensuring that we didn't have to do any work for the whole lesson.

Book dropping
A brief game that involved dropping your massive maths text book in the corridor to see if any of the boys would be gentlemanly enough to pick it up. This ended when Simon Shipp was the only responant and swifly threw it out of the window.

Books and Fan
Alex and I sat in front of an electric fan in French, at the very front, we would then line up all of our books, text books, writing books in such a way that as the fan rotated the pages all did a mexican wave constantly, thus, amusing us and annoying Madame Brown, who had some kind of nervous breakdown and threw chocolate raisins at our class, I hope she's ok now, she was actually very sweet!

Stealing stuff
This was the daily ritual of seeing if you could remove all of the things from Alex's pencil case without her noticing, so that when she arrived at her next lesson it was empty. Provided suprising hours of amusement!!

Kicking posts
This was a great game, perfect for its impact and simplicity. It involved kicking anything in front of you, mainly posts in the playground that held up the outdoor roof bit, and as you kicked it to creat a loud noise, simultaneously throwing your head back and mimicking terrible pain, as if you had run into said post. Everyone nearby then thinks you're thick. great fun.

oooohh, there are so many more... I have no doubt this has been boring to read, but it's been fun to remember!!!ahahahaaaa!!
funny that Alex told me there's a ten year reunion today. I'm living closer to the school, than I was when I was there!argh!!! But not for long at least!

Oh well, best be off. They're indulging in a ritual of serious distress and humiliation here today that involves children whose parents haven't paid the fees up-to-date being refused entry to their lessons and dragged to the library to face a panel of bursars.
Perhaps that's what's making me remember Netherhall so fondly.

Unicorn Lovers

That's what this picture is called.

I have empty brains today. Saw a nice exhibition and ate a nice sandwich. Pretty good lunchbreak eh?

All of my sweet weekend plans fell through cause I forgot how bloody organised Londoners are so everything is booked up or sold out. Wanted to see the Darwin exhibition at the Natural History Museum.

Had an extremely weird nights sleep after watching that programme about dreaming. Woke up in the middle of the night feeling really serene, totally relaxed and contented. Not like me at all!! Almost left my bed and went for a walk... i think it may be the last step towards complete madness...

I don't know if anyone saw the first ever Narwhals filmed migrating, was pretty amazing viewing, here ist it if you didn't see it!! they don't really look like the unicorn lovers, but people obviously thought that they did at some point...!

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/sci/tech/7869257.stm

adieu my friends, i miss you all.

BOOBIES!

Right, so we need to get serious for a moment and talk about potentially the greatest creature in the world, namely, the Blue-Footed Booby, seen on the left dancing to attract a mate (!!!!I know, I could barely handle it either!!)

It gets better....

They are called 'booby' (from the Spanish bobo meaning 'stupid') as when they try to walk on the land they are really clumsy and fall over all the time!!!!

They live on some Pacific islands, most are found where Darwin found them: on the Galapagos.

Their nostrils are permanently closed.

The males have small pupils, the females have large pupils, and are larger.

The males do a dance where they stamp their blue feet (see above!) about in order to acquire a mate, they are then monogomous.

They keep their chicks warm with their blue feet!

When they want to talk, the male whistles and the female honks!

The Blue-footed Booby makes no nest, but lays its eggs on bare ground. The incubating birds defecate while on the nest, and the eggs become surrounded by a circular wall of excrement...I toyed with a few different jokes about it being like that in most houses there, but they were all too obvious.

So there we have it. Blue footed boobies.

I am sure that you will agree, super sweeeeeettt.

Political correctness has gone...well, it's just gone!!

I'm a traitor to my blog, four days with no writing...

Had a snow day on Friday, which I didn't see coming... the snow was blinding as I waited for the bus, and the buses were more invisible than ever. Decided that I was not prepared to die in a snowdrift in order to get to work, or catch hypothermia, so I just gave up and stayed in... was plagued by guilt all day though....such is life.

This weekend Simon and I went to Hansa's vegetarian curry retaurant in Leeds, was the best meal out I've had in AGES, really cosy, friendly and a lovely experience all round. It was a teeny area of Leeds that I have never even been to and I loved it straight away, can't wait to move up there.... I really hope I don't go on a machete-wielding attack around the Grand Arcade before that....Cambridge people are doing my brains in. Also watched Kung-Fu Panda, which was brill. So as you can see, I got a lot done...

Spent last week woken up every morning by radio 4 debating this 'golliwog' thing that happened. The fury that such a level of debate was even deemed necessary was enough to make me leap from my bed... The Mail and the Times have all been running pictures of the first illustrations of a 'golliwog', invented as a book character in the 19th century, not to mention that racist old child-hater Enid Blyton and her charming books about the adventures of three little gollwogs, an excerpt:

'Once the three bold Golliwogs, Golly, Woggie, and Nigger, decided to go for a walk to Bumble-Bee Common. Golly wasn't quite ready so Woggie and Nigger said they would start off without him, and Golly would catch them up as soon as he could. So off went Woggie and Nigger, arm-in-arm, singing merrily their favourite song - which, as you may guess, was Ten Little Nigger Boys.'

HAHAHAAA ooohh, that was their favourite song was it? silly little gollywogs!!

The next Blyton excerpt that I easily found has a 'golliwog' asking Noddy for help and then stealing his car the second his back is turned. Ah yes, a noble, loveable, character, created harmlessly and intending no offence whatsoever.

The 'golliwog's' literary past is being cited in defence Carole Thatcher!

It's a generational thing (no it isn't) it's harmless (no it isn't) she didn't mean to cause offence (so what, she did) she said it off-air (she said it in a workplace, where anyone overhearing has a right to complain). Am I still giving too much credit to the British public in saying that the word 'wog' would not be tolerated? surely??so what the FUCK is the difference???

WHY is an exception being suggested for these dolls? Because they're inanimate? Because they're aimed at children? Surely these two things make them more dangerous?

It has been getting me down that this has drawn such a two sided debate across the media and the country, I have started to feel that if anything, this type of story is becoming more frequent? It's become a cycle whereby I look on the news at work, and if I see the word scandal I think to myself, 'surely it can't be another racist comment?' and it always is.

Is this what will happen from now on, people are scared of seeming like a left-wing activist if they don't put forward an argument in favour of racism? The whole story is being labelled as a left-wing conspiracy, simply because Jo Brand was known to have been in the room when it was said, people are implying that she gleefully snitched on poor Carole Thatcher, who was 'unaware' that she'd said anything wrong in referring to a black man as a fucking 'golliwog'!!! God, that bloody Jo Brand, what a killjoy! She's worse than a racist, with her confounded belief in equality, and her stupid desire not to sit next to a foul-mouthed racist while she's at work.

Carole Thatcher was too thick even to apologize when it was pointed out to her how totally offensive it was, truly, even when it came to saving her job, her racist values were too close to her heart. It would be against her moral values to apologize for calling someone something racist, she believes that it was the right thing to do, so, it seems, do a large proportion of our stupid, racist countrymen and women.

Anyway, that's only about 1% of my anger about this particular event, but I can sense that this may not be making for a good blog..........it's certainly making me tense! But it had to be said, as it has been consuming me on occassion, with rage.

Of course, Boris Johnson, mayor of the most culturally diverse city in the world, where over 300 languages are spoken, defended Carole Thatcher, she shouldn't have been fired, he says, and her comments were "...a bit offensive...". This is from a man who has openly used the word 'picannines' , and said that "tribal warriors" would break out in "watermelon smiles" when Tony Blair made a visit to "the Congo".

I guess it should come as no suprise that these things are happening when Boris Johnson can win an election. Britain is moving backwards before our eyes.

noises.

Working in a library you gradually become fixated on little noises. It is good for frazzling your brain as after a while you find your ears will home-in on sounds from all over the room, usually one by one, but sometimes flitting between a few, and then you allow yourself to get driven slowly mental by them.

Here's the top 5 most annoying noises that make me want to rush at people and strangle them, or else run about with bloodshot eyes having gone mental a la in cartoons when people go mad and a cuckoo comes in and out of their forehead.

5. In at five is one you may expect to find higher up, it's the WALKMAN, or IPOD, as I believe kids call them nowadays.

Now, sometimes, this can be incredibly annoying, but it has a few advantages over other noises, namely a) you know who's making it, so if it's really getting on your tits you can say 'can you turn it down' and they usually do. b) it's a consistent noise, most of the kids at this school listen to quite operatic sounding Chinese songs, I can hear one near me at the moment, it remains less annoying than other, mechanical noises. c) Whilst listening to music the student involved is almost always in the act of working in the library. The rare joy of a student with their gob shut doing some work removes a mass of the normal irritation that they cause me, and is replaced by a gentle feeling of warmth toward this studious child, music or no.

4. Flirting. The noises of flirting are really annoying. I know this makes me sound bitter, cause I'm not young and I never have the need/ ability to flirt anymore, but listening to students overtly flirt is very irritating, mainly as it makes me want to shake the girl involved and tell them to stop being so girlish, also because the children at this school are mostly terrifying, and rich, so their flirting is of a nature that I am not familiar with from my experience of Netherhall. It's all a bit more, 'let us stop mucking around and go to paris for the weekend.'

Not to mention the fact that I am familiar with almost every couple and potential couple at this f ing school, and would even go so far as to say that I had watched their love blossom before my very eyes!

Now how depressing and annoying is that?!

3. Mouse clicking. A classic for the modern age, the kids here love to play games on their laptops then when you ask them to leave if they aren't working they hold a book in one hand, about 2 inches in front of the screen and use the mouse hand to continue playing, to give the effective illusion of reading intenly while i can still hear the 'tap tap tappy tap tap' of their mouse. REALLY annoying...

2. It's tough one between this and the number one but this noise is thankfully quite rare compared to the others, however, the INTENSE annoyance that it quickly creates makes it one that you won't forget in a hurry...I am, of course, referring to the pen top click...

As I say, it is not one which will occur everyday, but when you get a student who is unable to stop clicking the nib up and down, up and down, with the little button on top, you can guarantee, they are in it for the long-haul... The noise is made extra annoying by its un-rhythmic nature, click, click, click, , clickclickclickyclick, click, click. It is usually very hard to spot what complete BASTARD is inflicting this torture on you as well, as once the said student has spotted your irritation, this simple pen function takes on a whole new level of enjoyment for them, stopping when you get up, hiding their twisted little habit when you come looking...

I have spent hours of my life fixating on this one noise.

1. In at one is the most annoying noise that you encounter as a librarian, it is the noise of laughter. Yes, you heard, I hate to hear others laugh. It is hard to not sound mental, but the pure, agonizing irritation of listening to the whisper-laugh, whisper-laugh routine, remains the most consistent and annoying sound in the world. There are a myriad of reasons for this. Namely, it is an occurence that happens all day, every day. It is impossible to ignore this sound, you are rendered not only unable to work, but unable to even idly read or stare into space. The usual suspects are always people with uniquely annoying voices and laughs as well, sent to test you by some twisted minion. The things that teenagers laugh at aren't funny, so they laugh at everything.

It is hard to convey why this is so supremely annoying, but I guarantee one day sitting in a school library and you would agree with me completely. Teenagers must be forced to wear one of those medieval face masks that got put on supposedly 'nagging' women, with a tongue clamp.

It's not much to ask.

It was the anniversary of Buddy Holly's death yesterday, look how gorgeous he was? It's so clear how much he influenced style, look at his sweet glasses?! He was only 22 when he died. He'd only be 75 now if he'd lived! That is a tragic thought indeed.

he'd actually be 72. i can't add up. it's even sadder though :C.

holiday.

I reaaaaallllllllyyyy want to go somewhere good this year. I am doing massive unrealistic holiday fantasising, i now have 8 different holiday brochures ranging from 'lakes and mountains' to 'quiet retreats' and loads of different combinations of Cyprus/ Greece/ Crete and Portugal.

 There are too many constraints at work when planing a holiday (well, my holiday). 

Where to go?

This seems easy at first, but is in fact incredibly hard. I haven't been to many places and I want to go to lots. I feel restrained by different factors. Do I go somewhere that I've been before, like Greece, cause I know that I like it there therefore the risk is minimal. However, now that I have stacked on weight, I am terrified of anywhere hot for obvious beach-related reasons. I am not young and lithe like I once was, what if I go there and taint all my good memories of it? and locals mock me and I get nervous and confirm everyone's taunting by choking to death on huge mouthfuls of halloumi??

  Am I really going to go on a lake holiday in Switzerland or Austria?

 I f ing hate mosquitos, and I hate the kind of people who go walking/ hiking/ cycling in the Alps for their holiday all wholesome and full of pent-up anger...(see above...)

I only have 10 days holiday left, so inevitably whatever I choose can not live up to my expectations... the pressure to have an amazing holiday is simply too great...

Obviously there is another moderate constraint, namely, that I am as poor as a church mouse and I am perfectly aware about half an inch deeper into my brain than the bit that wants to go on holiday, that I can't afford to go anywhere. Which considering the stress involved in choosing a holiday is probably for the best... Guess I shall go camping. 

I feel like in Alan Partridge where they ask him in May if he'll be there for Christmas dinner, he laughs at the question then asks to be booked in just in case. I guess I'll book us all in at Southwold campsite, just in case...

Chloe is here tonight and just whipped up an amazing curry, including lemon rice, bloody great. I live here and I never cook for everyone! Useless daughter!

 On that note I am off to play Boggle on the DS!

booze restraint.

Had a supersweet weekend in(on) the 'toon, me and Olivia demonstrated admirable booze restraint (BR) which enabled us to carry out far more activities that we would have otherwise, such as eating, waking up, walking without retching, and other things which open up when BR is undertaken...

Saw an amazing exhibition of Penguin books (Penguin poets cover designs on the left), even better, we were the only people in the whole museum, all the other idiots that wanted to see it obviously hadn't done BR and were all lolling about in a stinking cloud, dreaming of penguin books...( Oh, the main characteristic of BR is that it makes you REALLY smug and self-righteous). It also meant that we didn't have to contend with anyone else loudly discussing stuff like at the Northern art Prize last week when me and Rowey were faced with annoying bastards at every turn, laughing too loudly at supposedly 'witty' art, to prove that they understood the most, and saying stuff like "was it something I said??!!" whenever the film screen went dark or the noise stopped, hahahaaaaa!!!!!!

So we perused the wonderful covers for ages and I roared like a ponce, free from recrimination! YES!!

I really love Penguin books. They truly are amazing, and it was great to see how well their modern covers, and continued dedication to design and content still stands up to the original ethos, if anything, Penguin is striving now more than ever to stay true to their original ethos of

reading equality and quality.

Now will they please give me a job designing book covers for f's sake?

We went for a Kerala vegetarian feast, and feast it was. Then after summoning a taxi, it collected us literally from our chairs in the restaurant (!!) and we lay in bed watching Mark Steel Lectures till we lolled off to sleep, San Pelegrino in one hand, tiny tangerine in the other. Now that's some sweet living.

On Sunday we watched some kids drag a sledge up and down some grass outside the window, even though no snow had fallen (?!) they abandoned it and started to lob rubbish about instead, much more satisfying for them.

It's the snowiest day ever today apparently, some scallywags pelted my bus with snowballs... I disapprove of such things now that I am nearly 30 and shook my head and tutted.

There were LOADS of people on Parker's Pieces making snowmen and smashing each other in the faces with snow. Really wished that I could play in the snow today, you could make an excellent snowman. Mum and Gaby's schools are both closed. Only mine soldiers on. Open as usual. I even rang up and went 'h h hello, i i isss the school open??' so now I've been exposed as a no good wannabe skiver...

They just anounced that they're closing school at 1:15 (not for me, the library must remain always open) so all the students are going crazy, but I'm letting them cause it is really exciting when you can leave school early. (I only remember it happening once at Netherhall, when the heating broke. But they had to make sure everyone's parents were in so we sat on the floor in the freezing canteen for most of the day anyway!)