haaa-aave aaaa hollly jolly christmas

...welcome to the line of music that is inside my head 24/7. I go to sleep at night grinding my teeth and chewing my cheeks and going 'do they know it's christmas time at aaall dddeee de de de de de' it's the road to certain madness...

well only today and tomorrow left at work, very pleased about that, although, obviously very nervous as the job hunt has been put on hold...the job has been oookayy but still i am very pleased not to be returning, i'd forgotten what it was like to work with a team of young people, it's very paranoia inducing, you hear them bitch about anyone who isn't there at that moment and you know it'll be you in ten minutes!

had another crazy weekend with liv, rowey was sick so we went on a wee rampage without him, managed to adopt a cold soldier by mistake and stay up till 630 again so there may have been an element of me not making it to work... to be fair, the whole of wakey (as everywhere else i'm sure) is just compacted ice so it's been very hard to stay upright and i did fall twice on sat. very worrying for old people, it's totally treacherous... almost everyone in town was wearing this really cheap-looking 'sexy' elf costume, something you'd be really freezing in if you went out in the evening in may or june, totally bare arms and legs in the falling snow, it's always amazing to behold! not like cambridge eh?

going home straight from work tomorrow, then to scotland for new year on the 29th, lally is not coming for xmas or ny which will be very strange in the harries household, i know lots of people have xmas with friends and stuff but i can't imagine it myself...imagine washing and getting dressed on christmas day?! that's crazy sheeet.

well, see you later 2009, it's been a stinker. roll on 2010.

more mormons

aaarrrrrrrgggggghhhhh!!!!
i managed to acquire a long splinter in my finger yesterday whilst attempting to clean in my parents's house, idiot hole that i am, unfortunately it's on my right hand so i am totally unable to remove it, i am loathe to let my mum do it cause she is ever so slightly...VICIOUS and i may end up still with splinter but missing my fingerprint...
to add to that annoyance, my swiners jab is giving me mega jip! has anyone else had one? it's made my arm swell up and it is emmiting heat, like a small sun, i can't dress properly due to pain! bastard immmunisation bastard. uh oh, splinter is seeping...
enough on my usual aches and pains, am at home in the bridge, had 3 days off ina row and dad told me he was driving back from middlesborough so i thought i'd hitch a lift, (just remembered, i dreamt that Camilla Parker-bowles was coming for tea and mum was all casual and i looked in the cupboard and we had about ten packs of muffins and that was all to give her, outside the window were rolling green hills so we could see her coming from far away, walking over the hills?!) must admit, it is very nice to be back, slept in every day, which i can't do in the flat for some reason of guilt. watching telly and making dins for the fam, lovely to catch up with gaby who i never hear from, overall it's given me xmas excitement, although it's the first year in my life i haven't had an advent calendar which is sad :(

on the bus into town yesterday i was listening to adam and joe and staring out of the window contentedly, there was only a couple of us on the bus, suddenly my contentment was rudely interrupted, a girl got on and made a bee-line toward me, smiled and said 'hi' and sat next to me, bit weird, i thought, but whatever, uh oh, head rotate, MORMON name tag. then she started to talk to me, 'are you going to work? do you live here?' i realised she was talking and took out a headphone, 'sorry i didn't realise you had your earphones in' she said, 'well, yeah' said i, putting them back, was that the end of it then? was it fuck, she continued to talk to me unabated, i must add that she had boarded with another friend who was tackling the elderly lady in front of me, her opening comment being 'what country are you from' as the woman had dark hair and slightly olive skin! i add at this poing that both girls were, of course, north American, mine was canadian. then the real stuff started as you can imagine... we had a rather safe and dull discussion about religion, i told her it had caused so much conflict, she told me she knew the truth, i asked her how old she was, 22, i felt quite sorry for her, i told her she was too young to be sitting on buses far from her home talking to strangers, she needed to relax and enjoy her life and stuff. as we disembarked she asked my name, 'Rose, what's yours?' she pointed to her badge, 'sister millard' what about your first name? i asked her, 'we aren't allowed to use them' she said, then she leant in and whispered it to me anyway, my friends and family call me that she said.
as i said to chloe, i was looking at her and thinking, you're young, you're beautiful and your wasting your life, and as chloe put it, 'that's exactly what she's thinking about you'.


i waited behind a pillar to see what they did with the old lady, one was on either side of her in the street, she went off with them. pretty manipulative if you ask me.

just got back from the christmas party, fuelled up with old feelings of inadequacy so i can't sleep!

i don't know what is wrong with me and why i can't just say look, i'm a 27 year old woman, there is nothing wrong with me, i love my family, they love me, i love my friends, they probably like me a bit too, i'm in debt, but so is everyone, plus, i'm chasing a dream kind of, which lots of people aren't lucky enough to do, i don't give a shit about these peripheral people in my life, it doesn't matter if they like me, i'll never see them again, but nothing has changed on that score, i am just the same as i've always been all my bloody life, it's like my Russian Travel diary from 1998, as i found on saturday, says, 'everyone here wants me to fuck off-i know it'. that feeling never ever goes away... i need a brain operation. or a personality transplant!

fuck

great, another lovely suprise, just got refused a credit card, my only hope for debt transfer is fading...halifax have introduced a £1 per day fee on my overdraft and i can't pay it so i don't know what will happen now!!

not much to report

air hair lair - (oh hello but posh)

how's tricks crew?
well...the job is totally ridiculously DULL but not too bad, time goes quickly, i can't stand someone i work with and have already exchanged tense/abusive words with them, they are a DICK, take it from me, there is no blame on my part. First meeting i had with this person they said to me, 'i'm acid tongued, it's something you'll have to get used to.' for acid tongued read-boring but also very rude. they are now my......ENEMY!
anyway, they are the only factor which makes work unpleasant. it's the work party tomorrow, it's all paid for and that, but i am pretty sure i won't go... i will only have a drink and start on said cockmuncher.
i'm watching a ww2 film and dirk bogarde just said to a yarkshire skivvy who was playing the harmonica in the plane hanger as bogie thought about his imminent death 'don't polish that too much, you don't want it to taste bad' to which yarkshireman replied 'it's already tasting pretty fruity sir'.
come on? that is well funny! i'm not immature!

did a craft fair yesterday, was a complete disaster, i made more at the open studios, not only was it very quiet but it was all old ladies who didn't want to buy anything, our stall looked amazing too, covered in lovely stuff and all twinkly with fairy lights, we've got another one in a fortnight, not sur if i can cope with that being a disaster too!!

me and chloe had a really really lovely short jaunt down to grandma's last week. she has a new dog, Bernard, from a dog shelter, he's pretty old and very funny, his legs and arse are really really skinny and his legs don't really support him so he does the splits and falls over a lot and he has to sit down to wee, of course grandma has him on a human diet of weetabix and tea for brekkie so he's on course for fattening up. i honestly never ever feel happier anywhere than with chlo and grandma, at grandma's house. I missed it so desperately on the way home i was totally distraught. had to leave a day early to get back to work as the other temp absolutely would not swap with me, turned out she was off sick! she could have swapped and then not even done it!!

bogie and the others are singing round the pianaaa, the men are taking it in turns to dip their feet in paint and lie on top of the piano and make foot prints on the ceiling now. crazy lads.

got a late shift tonight which is the worst one, there till 8 even though the shop shuts at 530. won't be home till after 9 :(

not too much to report, just ticking along, selling celeb biographies and doing lots of staring, wishing christmas was here already and annoyed that i can't see everyone over the holidays.

hybrid

it's been a while my friends, been very busy, worked every day this week except tues, working all weekend too :( meant to be going to Dorset next tue-thurs, but the girl who i can swap shifts with still wont give me an answer as to whether she will! VERY frustrating, i ask her every time i see her, it's getting really embarrassing now! she just goes 'i doooont knoooo' ARGH!

so anyway, the new job, it's as imagined, i didn't predict how much it would make my legs absolutely kill though, not sitting down all day, it's unbearable! also not being able to drink is awful too, i need coffee consistently between 9-11, and there's a costa in there tempting me all the time... the people are okay, the customers are actually generally really nice, which i wasn't expecting, probably because my only retail experience is bar work, where 90% of people are unbearable... the staff are okaaay, there are one or two people who are really nice, one who is annoying and the rest are just a bit dull, the main thing is, everyone thinks i look 20 so they all patronise me then the horrific fear that they are all LOADS younger than me, like, 19 and stuff, is too upsetting to me so i never ask how old and play up to being about 20...

most people are buying books for their grandchildren, so i like them, it's sweet. Overall, I just fucking HATE retail, it's horrible. Bring back libraries, bring back 2nd hand bookshops, down with 500 copies of clarkson.

I did start wondering as i stood and stared at it, who gets the royalties for Mein Kampf? i typed it into google, it's like the 2nd most common question, apparently in england it used to go to charity, in america i think the publisher keeps it now. anyway, sorry for that diversion, it's just on my induction day someone asked, 'what happens if you have to sell a book you disagree with like mein kampf' an the man said : 'just say- it's not somthing that i've read, but it is very well written and a definitive book on the subject' i was literally SO gobsmacked that i sat with my mouth open for about 10 minutes, it's become a bit of a family joke now...

anyway, had open studio on weds, where you open up your studio and people come and look round, was pretty good, also tiring, i'm glad i did it though, some people were very nice (mostly kids) and i even sold a few bits, some people were really pissed up on free booze and wouldn't leave, it's weird having people in your studio, it's like having strangers in your house! ithink i was a pretty good host though! schmoozing! telling everyone about the Grolar bear, it's a NEW SPECIES, apparently a Polar and Grizzly bear have mated, as they are going south/north to feed as their food runs low (global warming as always) and they have MATED and created a new species, a grolar, I hope it wasn't a prank, cause i have told everyone, wait, i'm going to look it up... i just checked, it IS real, it's not THAT new either, but more common now...

i just looked up 'Hybrid animals' on wikipedia, get these:

Liger:lion/tiger

WOLPHIN-whale/dolphin (???!!)

oh, the rest are rubbish, sorry to get your hopes up! LATERS

work slave

hello, started the jooob yesterday, was all very jolly, apart from the fact that i took my antibiotics in the morning without eating, so i was violently sick on the way there at the train station...got a wee bit worried but managed to force a coke down which cured me, i think it's psychosematic, but it was treated like a form of medicine in my house for upset stomach, so it always works on me... when i had pneumonia they did an x ray of my lungs and the x ray lady started freaking out about this black cloud on the x ray, it turned out to be some coke that my ma had forced down me thinking i was probably suffering from a bad belly or something, was pretty funny anyway, sorry about that diversion, i think i like it as a job, chatting about books and so on, it's mostly grannies buying books for their grand-kids which is my favourite kind of person, so i think i will get on well, seemed to pick it up pretty quickly i think, and i've always loved the feeling of a bookshop, very calming...my library experience helps a lot, i know which books go with which other ones, although there are 2 secret 'erotic' sections which i never knew existed on the high street...ooh errr...

already sold my first f-ing clarkson too, as predicted!

hmmm what else....got loads to do this week, just did the BBC big personality test by the way, has anyone else done it? it said i was 50% extrovert and 50% neurotic, thanks a lot, didn't need a test to tell me i was mental, with a totally incompatible personality defect, incompatible with my own self that is.

got open studios on wednesday, gonna try and sell some stuff so i'd better get cracking along to the studio and get busy, got work every day of the week apart from today!! I know!! i'm such a hard worker! :) best thing is, my last day is the 23rd so i can enjoy christmas and new year and not even bother worrying about getting back to work...it's like being at school!

sorry to rub it in and all... :)