christmas time

my phone is repeatedly freezing too cold to work. It first happened on a day a few weeks ago when i got snowed on to the max, now i have to sit on it or leave it on the radiator for ages, it's getting pretty annoying...
to be fair, a contingent of the buttons are stuck on with blu tac.  i moved my contract to the shittest one there is basically, then about 2 days later my phone broke and i had lost all my perks from being a customer for about ten years and was on the shitheap with all the other £10 per month shitmunchers so now i have to BUY  a phone which i have never needed to cause of upgrades so that's never going to happen, i'll never afford one as nice as the one i have (had it 4 years nearly) so that's the beef.


So here's the big question, anyone get an email THIS cheery into their work inbox today:

Wishing you a merry xmas and best wishes for 2011.

Grief Kit and Terminal Illness products

Just to let you know that we currently have an offer on our grief kit. For more information, please contact me.

nope, didn't think so! certainly warmed my cockles this morning, wishing you a merry christmas and a great year despite/full of terminal illness and mostly grief :)

what does a grief kit consist of you wonder? tissues? bit obvious. phil collins album? brandy?i imagine it in  a box like a first aid box... emergency grief kit valium and 'fuck off and leave me alone i'm grieving' t-shirt within.

my 2 month battle with the council to get paid has finally finished. from nowhere after all the crazy stories i was suddenly paid. not sure what to do with myself now...i mean, i am owed other money but that chase hasn't taken off yet... maybe in the New Year...who knows...

Been assessing the train sitch, doesn't look great for my dash back to Cambridge on Xmas eve... everything has gone serious tits up today and i do have 'planes trains and automobiles' fears inside me of hitchhiking and sleeping in a train and spending Christmas day having ribena and flapjack from trolley for dinner and we'd all cheer each other along and remember it laughingly in a few years but staring the idea in the face i can't think of anything more depressing.

Where the page was uploading disruptions and trying to say 'amending  updates' or something it crashed on my computer and just said "Amen" which was pretty fitting really.

not much else to report. very excited about xmas as always. the bunnies are staying with mum and dad and have moved into my BED which is very cheeky of them and not sure whether they are going to like me and chloe descending on it! Flat is seriously weird without them! I miss them!!! i miss their indifferent looks! dad is so bunny-centric now i don't know what he's up to, will probably be making bunny christmas dinner (FOR them, not with).

saw Frankie Boyle's poster for his new live dvd, 'if i could reach through the tv and strangle you i would' that is really what it's called!!!! it's like something off The Day Today!! It's so Nathan Barley it's almost unreal, real comedy has become a total parody of itself! 

What an arsehole he is! he'll be so embarrassed one day when he wakes up from this dazed fame trip he is on, seriously, he's showing up how thick his audiences are by trying to be all offensive and over their head and shocking, but then doing it so far it goes back on him and just makes him look like a desperate wanker! his offensive gag's are not even worth being offended about, it'd be great if everyone just didn't care, or mention it it'd be the only thing that would truly upset him, there's a mitchell and webb sketch which is like watercolour challenge that totally reminds me of this WATCH IT .

anyway, def not worth the comedy debate that's going on, is it offensive;yes of course, that is its intention. is it funny; no because it is to no purpose, there is no context or build up or intelligent thought there.

anyway crew faces. my hands are freezing on the keyboard, try and catch you pre-xmas otherwise have a real sweet one. remember, eat the choc orange before breakfast, it sets you up for the day's fighting and makes sure no one gets their's confused with yours.

call me elf

ey up freakazoids, my mouth is watering loads at the anticipation of heading off the to German market after work for potato cakes! they are real delish...
lally staying this week, starting to feel christmassy, got the little tree branches wedged into a pot up, got the advent candle on the go, yup, preeety christmassy all round...
still endlessly frustrated as i chase people for money they owe me, really holding everything up and adding to the stress of december. This is what I hate about email, it's so easy for people to fob you off loads and disappear, they can ignnore you for ages and never face your furious screaming face, sure i would have been paid months ago if the girl dealing with me had had to see my fury head on...

my serious curse with keys continues as the key to my studio has broken in the lock... starting to wonder if i have a uri geller style melting metal fingers syndrome? probably...

heading back to cambridge on friday for an appointment in addenbrookes oral surgery dept as my 3rd wisdom is forcing a contingent of my teeth from my mouth which is very annoying and I bloody wish they had taken them all out in the first place... i hate the tooth app. the most as you have to put this HUGE plastic plate vertically into your mouth for the xray for ages and ages all over your gob and it really really kills, they always go 'oh you have a tiny mouth' so why don't they have different sized ones? i am not the tiny-mouthed girl of east anglia, there must be more like me? children for example? something pointing into the soft flesh in yuor mouth (got that sounds disgusting, shut up Joe!) is one of the most painful things, when you get an injection in the roof of your mouth it hurts loads longer than the tooth that's been pulled...well, the flesh it's been pulled from, the tooth doesn't hurt obviously...

anyway, going to a party on sat in the flying pig, the whole pub hired which'll be an experience! the theme is 'when i was little i wanted to be...' i wanted to be an illustrator, but a successful one obviously, so really i should go as myself only happier, better dressed and richer, but that is too depressing so i am going as one of the myriad of people who i wanted to be when i was little, although i decided against Nigel Kennedy much to my sadness, as that would have been pretty great...

Chloe's bunny Dotty had an operation last week so much of the weekend gone was spent worry about her and having a lovely lazy cambrdge weekend with my new ROSEANNE box set!!! :) which is BETTER than i remember and i was well scared it'd have aged awfully!

also mum's b'day on sat so there'll be much merrymaking i am sure. Leeds and wakey are meant to have heavy snow this weekend, hope i can get back to the bridge ok on xmas eve... not sure how busy the library will  be (i AM sure, it will be empty.that was sarcasm).

okey dokey that's that, sad not to be doing much christmassy stuff out and about, really want to see my old friends so i hope that can happen at some point.
Off to Wales first week jan to Portmeirion like a French Duke :) very very happy about that, i always prefer to go away after new year as that's when the slump hits and you start staring into space and dribbling and going 'wwwhhhhhhhhyyyyy?' or is that just me? don't lie, you do it too.

hello fans

ow do?

can't believe i haven't bothered writing the blog, there's been so much to write and i am always thinking of new stuff...especially since....................the SNOW!! da  da daaaaaaaa!

since the snow started last monday i have:been thrown out of a taxi and shouted at for being a timewaster :)
had a fight with a bus driver cause i banged the door so he'd let me on-he was a coccckk
experimented with 3 pairs of boots for grip (not at the same time)
eaten 2 life-giving stews including the best meal i have ever made.
been stranded 5 miles from Leeds and had to walk back
made a lot of jokes (kind-of) on this walk about dying in the snow-to people i didn't really know
worn 2 pairs of trousers and still been cold (that's a new one one me)
cleaned the ice out of the INSIDE of simon's car (also new)
seen an igloo (someone built a really good one near my house)
had potato cakes at the German market-nicest things i've ever eaten
stopped caring what i look like as long as i am warm :)
become Northern-ist and tasty at the bias of the news coverage of the snow
looked after the bunnies more than EVER as if that were possible!
done xmas origami wrong, i can't do origami
created a christmas tree from offcuts as a proper one was too expensive (it's brilliant too!!)
spent about 20 hours either on transport or waiting for it.
been having very cosy evenings
become a hermit crab
missed 1 day of work after a 4 1/2 hr trip home last weds
discovered the amazingness of 'Farmfoods' frozen shop!!
not been to the supermarket ONCE
been laughing about the fact that the private school kids stopped school when it snowed, even though their parents block the road every day with off-road 4x4's-!! pointlessness confirmed.
totally lost the magic feeling associated with snow and become fricking fed up with the fucking stuff.

only thing worse-now it's 2 inch ice.

So, I watched that brilliant panda doc last night, anyone else? how can an animal BE that cute?they said that cuteness is directly related to have a small willy, and also makes it harder for you to survive!
the sexy bits were a bit horrid, seems degrading to this amazing animal that it's being filmed unconscious having its sperm removed...:( it didn't mind though really i don't think... what they are doing there is really amazing...they have to do it like that cause they want to stop inbreeding...maaybe they should have done that with the royal family, darted them and rolled them over on film and extracted semen, i'm going to be sick why did i try and do some obvious satire there...!i am a twat!

well, i am meant to be heading home at 2pm on xmas eve, although today's weather says it's going to be impossible to travel, we'll see... may have to go to burton with simon!

frantically looking for jobs and feeling the need to actually get a career or something, being nearly 30.
anyone sees anything let me know!!

plants

once again all my plants are dying in front of my eyes, i always notice a few leaves on the ground and suddenly every time the door closes 40 leaves fall off in one go :( i feel like i have failed the poor things, reminds me of a terrible situation involving my old fish which i can't bear  to recount as it is literally still too painful.

well, me and simon have last night completed our annual Leeds Film Festival frenzy, 5 films last year, up on last year, down on the year before.
It is getting noticeably busier and also more jazzy, one of the venues was the town hall this year, last year we watched one on a telly in the leeds met classroom in the carriageworks.
saw a seriously great batch this year, quick run through:

Kawasaki's Rose- (went to see this as the director made 'Divided we fall' which is one of my favourite films off all time and MUST be seen by all.compulsory) This was about the continuing fall out from communism in Czechoslovakia, set in Czech republic. There's lots of films about this stuff now, as more and more truth emerges about what really went on.
The premise of this is that a woman's angry husband decides to investigate the real past of her 'hero' father who is lauded for helping people escape Czechslovakia . Unfortunately the character of the husband was utterly unbelievable, he's like a cartoon baddie, but otherwise this was absolutely excellent.

'A Taste of Tea' was a Japanese film we saw, not a new one but one back having been popular at a previous festival. This was totally mad and absolutely brilliant. i loved it. It follows a family in Japan who all live their different lives each with their own problem, beautiful Japanese countryside and house and tea makes you desperate to live there. The little girl is so bloody adorable that it's unbelievable, also comes complete with mad grandpa, which always swings it for me.

'A town called panic' is the one i would tell you all to get as it is on dvd and easy to get and is totally enjoyable, it's an animation made with models, a cowboy, a horse and an indian live in a little village, there is a brilliant farmer called 'stephen' who really steals the show by only being able to shout.
anyway, just watch it, you won't regret it i guarantee. total suspension of reality guaranteed (what more could you want?)

'Elling' was my runaway favourite. This film was basically faultless, the characters were totally absorbing and sympathetic, i absolutely loved it and was actively enjoying it all the way through which is weird as i nearly always get a 'it must be near the end' gaze at some point.
Anyway, it is about 2 men who share a room in a mental facility, the film opens with them being given their own government-funded flat to make it alone. it is beautiful and hilariously funny as well.

finally, last night, the rudest of them, 'Zonad'  went to see this as it's an Irish comedy and I know that i bloody love that bleeding irish humour.
a family in a tiny village in Ireland come home to find an alien in their house and take him in totally naively, very funny and rude, definitely taking that one home for Christmas viewing with the family.

TODAY'S ZOO BORNS:

look at those sea horses!! dontcha just love them??
sorry for this boring review based blog, i am too hungry to concentrate and the rabbits are bounding about in confusion as i have cleaned up all their shit which totally throws them-don't worry there's more where that came from...

anyhoo catcha later

hey hey

it's Tuesday, formerly known as Booze-day in the days of carefree student loans.

today i will introduce you to Zooborns, my new interest at work, as i get older and my teeth and brain get softer.
http://www.zooborns.com/
otters are the sweetest by far! although simon prefers the chimps, i can't like chimps because i know their trick (face removal) and will never recover from seeing this trick on Davey Att'brough.

here you can see teeny baby animals which is very fun, and some are gross which is even better.
this is what i do now because i have lost my 'edge' if i ever had one and have become decrepit.

been going to the leeds film fest, seen 2 so far, Kawasaki's Rose and A Taste of Tea ( during which someone turned the subtitles off and I got all edgy and said to Simon that i was going to tell someone, which he forbade, everyone sat like lemons then they came on 2 minutes later with the projector person simultaneeously skipping a whole scene-there was a round of applause fot that incident! i was furious!!!)

got one tonight that looks brill, 'a town called panic' which is an animation and we're seeing it at the town hall which is sweet.

anyways, the rabbits are becoming tamer by the day and follow me around now, literally between my feet and often into the bathroom which is pretty weird when you're trying to have a wee and are being stared at by a tiny grey furry piglet faced creature with an indignant expression...and i'm not just talking about Simon hahaha!!

working xmas eve and NYeve as well which seems mental as we will no doubt be utterly quiet the whole time...anyway, get first week Jan off which is more important as that's when things get really depressing...

off to cam this weekend to see the dentist, can't find one here so really don't see point of changing, I'm still NHS in cambridge, that ain't gonna happen again!! worried they may want my other 2 wisdom teeth out which'll be  a pain in the chops, literally, most pain i have ever experienced is the infection after my wisdom teeth coming out, genuinely.

Moved into a new studio in leeds, it's very basic but i think it'll do for a while, major downside is it;s in a very run down area and now it's getting dark i am not over the moon about walking to and from it, but anyway, like i say, it'll be ok for now i hope.

anyway better go, i started this too late, will be back soon!!
look at this bunny!!!

simon says it's not even sweet!! LOOK AT ITS HANDS!!!! it couldn't BE any sweeter!
tomorrow...UGLY animals!!

look at this

I found online:

"The night has been celebrated for over 10 years in the ocean community of Westerly in the state of Rhode Island, U.S.A." "The night is begun with a musical comedy based on the events of Guy Fawkes' capture, written in the style of an English Monty Python comedy sketch." "Every year, it is slightly rewritten by a dedicated team of locals who also provide the acting and musical arrangements which include Beatles and Rolling Stones covers." "Finally, the night is rounded out with a Guy Fawkes bonfire, weather permitting." "The event is always held on the beach, and in the fall the New England coastline is a bit windy and cold so the event is always different depending greatly on the weather and the number of people in the audience." www.guyfawkesusa.com is the website to the event, held each October (due to weather) and directed by Caswell Cooke.

it's about a guy fawkes celebration in USA, can you BELIEVE it?! a monty python type musical (so awful it's making me cringe-it gets worse) with the MUSIC of the beatles and rolling stones??!! you couldn't make it up?! 

i'm looking at the website....

yep, look at this...

BUcky walsh as the Archbishop of caNterbury!!! and "Z" Leach as the KING! there's also a Duke of Earl. Last years show featured Paint it Black and Norweigan wood during the trial.

you can watch the video of it on the website, and yes, they are doing it in iiiinnnggeelllliiiissh accents!

and they have it in October, and all Americans call these things english holidays but of course they never are holidays here, the costumes are interesting too, in all the pictures on the slideshow there is one person in a kilt, medieval maidens and swords and someone in a 19th century vicar's frock coat and someone else as a Napoleonic admiral...!!

it's quite sweet actually, sweet aaahhh not sweet sweeet, they all look freezing! except the accents. oh and the only bit i saw is just a bit from Holy Grail.

we went to york today and on a Guy Fawkes night walk, i am sorry to say that the walk was pretty rubbish, the guy was late and really just drove home the same point again and again for 2 hours with very little information at all... mostly he was concerned about the 'guy fawkes pub' and what a bunch of bastards he thought they were... we like the guy fawkes pub, we always go there! live the myth i say!!

anyway, it'scold, there's endless fireworks, i can't find a coat i like anywhere. bloody winter.

catch you in the week. 

tuesday

well, lots has been happening in my little world lately...

most significantly, the studios are closing which has left me slightly in limbo as to what to do. i need to get a creepy storage facility for all the stuff that i have deliberately hoarded due to having a massive studio...

we had the last ever art walk there last week which was very weird and a bit sad, everyone got a tad pissed due to there being a beer pump there for charity... i witnessed two large bearded men fall on their backs taking a picnic bench with them...

i am not sure what i will do now...it ranges from nothing to something mental. it'll probably be nothing...

i gave blood yesterday for the first time. it was very easy actually giving it, i have extremely fast pumping blood and it took 6 minutes instead of 15, a couple of the nurses were standing around my blood bag cheering me on as a squeezed my hand and pumped the blood from my body, very surreal!
i sat next to the vast array of treats that you are given after and i must confess, despite trying to be really hard, i did have a sudden funny turn and stagger over to the nurse and lie down for 5 minutes, i was overcome with the feeling that i was going to be sick and faint and i couldn't decide which. I was fine after that, although the walk home took it out of me...
speaking to mum after, who's a blood donor PRO, she revealed that her blood is now 4 minutes!! that's the time to beat! she also said that in cambridge it's just digestives afterwards!! in leeds we had soup, crisps, chocolate, yoghurt coated things, squash, everything! you could easily have lunch there!!

shit, i just poured water all over my top by mistake while attempting to drink from a bottle. and i'm wearing a white top. bollocks.

i am doing a workshop at the museum on saturday for the big draw, i am slightly apprehensive but also looking forward to it, i just hope that people come, there's been no advertising whatsoever as far as i can see...who knows...

can't believe winter is closing in already...at least things are better than this time last year, working in waterstones, it feels like it never happened now! oh, but it did, it did!

reading 'The Audacity of Hype' by Armando Iannucci, my god, is extremely funny and has me laughing out loud on the way to work, some of his 'ways things could possible get worse for gordon brown' (this is before the election mind):

3) a decimal point has been in the wrong place at the Treasury for the past  twenty-three years and we're actually a third-world economy

5) Jack Straw is spotted lying drunk and dace down in a wedding cake at a reception to which he was not invited

11) David Miliband once had a pet hamster called 'Little Allah'


anyways, see you thurs, will have interesting and important information then. probably.