thirdday

Hi blog fans, I am BLIND tired, was out for about 200 hours yesterday doing art walk which was mentally and physically exhausting, got some good feedback though and sold about 30 cards which ain't too bad, and some old sock toys, pretty much had enough of the studios for a few days though, some of the people(men) there make mw want to SPIT (as my mum would say).

Got tomorrow off, heading up to newcastle on a coach to see liv, can not WAIT! it's gonna be a riot alright!

s as this is friday for me, i will leave you with some pictures (also i am too tired to write, been walking all over leeds after being summoned to the other library basically to do the dogsbody work no one else wants to do)

so HERE ARE PICS OF: the whoopee pie me and rowey had in harvey nicks today, my studio , chloe's INSANE birthday cake, Dot, thinking chloe's new slippers are her brother's and sisters...pretty sweet! BON WEEKEND!!!

PAYday hooray hoorah!

ey up, iam completely distracted cause it's payday and i am trying to repress the uncontrollable urge to spend all my money in one day. It's like 'brewster's millions' for me every payday, i feel like i'm against the clock and it's all gotta go (and it always does).
On the bright side, i received a free double decker at the train station today, in the last month i have had: 3 free muffins, 6 free bottles of irn bru, free disgusting crisps, and the opportunity for free toothpaste, wine and ice cream.
it's the recession! get the free stuff!!
anyhoo, not much time today, been working too hard to write much.

got an open studio tomorrow, pretty nervous about it as usual, things have been tense to say the least at the studios but i thought i'd better open as it's a big night and we have a hepworth sculpture for the night which is pretty exciting, it's coming with its own bouncer!


Did anyone watch the Amish in the UK programme? I was suprised that actually I quite fancy becoming an Amish...
I am a bit of a luddite, i hate all modern stuff cause the big wide world scares me a bit, and also the global village thing just makes me feel so insignificant that my insides all fold up and i wanna die, so yeah, Amish is the life for me.
Big garden, big house, big swing on a tree, barn, hmmm, Horse and cart. Yeah, i reckon i can give up modern stuff, all modern stuff is crap (except podcasts, mars planets, elastic and women's lib) so i am off to be an amish, although i don't know if i'm allowed cause they don't recruit i don't think...unlike the bloody mormons they're everywhere at the moment....

ok well, i have a bit of shopping to do after work (tell me not to!!! HELP this is a cry for HELP)
the bunnies are shedding like crazy so i have to keep catching them to brush them which has really destroyed the small trust we'd built up! Problem is, bunnies have no gag reflex so if they eat hair and get a hairball they can die, they're physically incapable of being sick, how sweet is that?! wow, that would have saved me SO many wasted days....'no mum and dad i only had one pint, i must have eaten something funny, see you tomorrow i better go to bed'.

I was nearly sick on the bus yesterday from the combination of being blocked into my seat, the heat and the variety of disgusting smells, namely, poo. :(


anyway, promised simon a nando's to celebrate payday so that's something to look forward to! although my period pains are so bad i'm walking like a hairpin! :( YES i did need to tell you that, grow up!
love you!

here i am...stuck in the middle with you.

hey blog chums,

i can smell fish from the canteen, the sun has come out, my outfit is totally bizarre cause everything's dirty...it must be friiiddaay!! HOOP HOOP!


what are your plans? hmmm. yeah. uh huh. interesting. nice to hear.

mine are: do nothing.
i have 29p.
going to Opera in the park tomorrow in leeds (if it doesn't piss it down) a free opera event...
contemplating making bolognaise...
yup. that's really about it.
I LOVE having nothing to do now though. When I was a teenager there was such trauma if people cancelled on you or if people couldn'tcome out, i used to be so wretched staying in, now when i have plans i dread them, regardless of how fun they are or anything.

Was reading that story in the Metro about the guy who was pushed over by a policeman. The ruling makes no sense to me, they say that the first autopsy has to be admitted as evidence therefore there's no case, but can't they admit all the autopsies and let the jury decide???it's such a BLATANT cover up. it's really really terrible. Also, if you see the footage, the policeman's actions are just totally bizarre, he just lurches forward and knocks the man over, they're all just standing around, it's utterly mental.
It said underneath it about Jean Charles de Menezes, it's 5 years yesterday since he was killed. Unbelievable to think. I remember that time SO SO clearly. I was staying with Chloe at her flat in Barnet,we were meant to be going to stay with my grandma and grandpa by coach from victoria. Me and chloe got on a bus to victoria, still wary of the train and were totally terrified with suspicion, looking at everyones bags, it was horrible, then suddenly the bus pulled over and evacuated us, gradually rumours were filtering over of this attempted bombing all over london, we walked all the way home, everything felt awful, like a horrible dystopia, it was really weird.
i think we took the next day as a day off, the attempted bombings had shut stuff down and we didn't risk it, plus they were all on the run in their pants, i remember clearly that one of them had detonted their bomb and stuff had come oozing from his bag in front of all the passengers on the tube.
the day after we attempted the tube, headed down to high barnet and got on, then we all got told to get off again, Jean Charles had been shot at Stockwell that minute, on the tube line which we were boarding. We went home again, totally miserable, thinking things would never be normal, especially once the news of the shooting emergedit was SO tragic and SO unbearable, and it was the point at which everyone stopped feeling safe.
Finally we embarked on the 24th for Dorset, 3 days late, got on the tube, constantly terrified, staring at everyone, literally having thoughts that you never, ever thought you were capable of about who looked suspicious and stuff. halfway to victoria people started running into our end of the carriage, two guys were shouting 'bomb'it was not clear what was going on so everyone was panicking madly, chloe was hugging me, after a few seconds it became clear that these men were pissed (at 11am) and were basically assaulting a middle-aged Indian man with a black briefcase, knocking him to the floor and accusing him of being a terrorist.

The tube pulled to a halt and we gave statements to the police on behalf of the man who was shaken up and also pretty pissed off, understandably. we decided not to get back on the tube (obviously) and walked to victoria instead. On the was we saw HUNDREDS of police vans, parked in big clusters, it was like 1984, it was like london of the future, horrible, but mostly, really scary. You see that many police and it makes you feel scared, not safe, you don't know why they're there?
got to victoria for a coffee and chloe totally snapped at this point (understandably) she'd lived in london for 5 years and was worried it had changed for good, she was totally frazzled by the recent events, it was her tube that she took every day to college that was bombed at king's cross, she'd taken a later one that day for some reason, we didn't hear from her till the late afternoon, even my graduation had been lined with armed police as they were knocking down all the doors in leeds and dewsbury that day for the 7/7 bombers, well, their stuff, and their relatives.
We finally boarded the coach to Dorset, utterly relieved to be leaving london, almost elated in fact.
about half an hour into the journey the coach pulled in, pretty normal, yes, then we were bloody evacuated as a passanger had complained about a mystery bag. it was of course nothing, a slightly dusky man had left a carrier or something, but this woman was alive with suspicious eyeballing so off we all went. Although i think the coach driver just went and foraged about on his own which was a refreshingly coach-driver thing to do.

We FINALLY arrived in dorset, crying with relief to see grandma and grandpa and to go from future dystopia to past idyll so fast.
Suddenly we were in village life, rolling hills, everyone just getting on with stuff, unlike london where the terrorism was hanging in the air, everywhere.

Later sitting with grandpa he asked chloe how she was, 'oh, really bad with all the terrorist attacks, it's everywhere in london, we've had 3 weeks of it and it's affecting everything, travelling, relations with people, it's terrible'

My grandpa (who at that point read the daily mail every day then said:
'what terrorist attacks?'
He had no interest in it whatsoever. But i suppose he has fought in a few wars so maybe it seems like small fry to people his age?

ps.

how funny was that that after ALL his casual boasting and going on telly to talk about it and stuff that nick i beg your pardon dick griffin WAS banned from the Queen's house after all! for telling everyone why he wasn't!

REALLY embarrassing!


he would prob have got on real well with prince pip though, so i bet he's annoyed about it.

steve mcqueen bunny

bloody hell, my house is like the great escape, and i am definitely the Nazis in that scenario! Only the 'nice' nazi who just wants to get some respect then lashes out when they don't.
every time i go into the living room the bunnies do the equivalent of putting their hands in their pockets and whistling!
WHAT DO THEY WANT FROM ME?!
i thought that this scenario would be like an orphanage, where i was mother Theresa, and the bunnies curled up on my lap, finally happy from the love of a benevolent stranger, me, looking down pityingly at their sleeping faces in the firelight, thinking about all they'd gone through, and about how they'd die before me(i hope) and how sad life all was but worth it if you could feel truly safe and truly loved, even just for one second.

but no.
it's like an orphanage where you leave the food out and the children grab it and retreat and if you reach out towards them they flinch into a ball and run away. whenever your back is turned, say, you need a break from running this orphanage, pouring all your love and time into it, worrying what's best for the orphans, buying them their favourite treats (kale) and worrying about them, when your back is turned such is their frenzy to leave after their weeks of plan-hatching that they DIG UP THE FUCKING CARPET.
thus meaning you have to turn away all the other orphans on the grounds that you don't BLOODY TRUST THEM anymore. and you can't afford to keep repairing stuff.

that analogy didn't work did it?
basically, my bunnies are PLOTTING and i am SUSPICIOUS of them. i have taken to peeking around doorframes to see what they're up to.
like i do with the orphans down the road.

ooh er it went all soppy at the end!

i am slightly firey and cross today so don't get in my way.
the day began with a man on the train pushing my fragile mind to breaking point, he was flicking his train ticket on his stubble, over and over again, i turned around and he took great satisfaction in seeing that it was annoying me and continued to do it in a more and more frenzied way, i pretended i didn;t care and read the paper but my eyes were fixed on the back of the chair and a smile broke out on my face in incrediluity that he was being such a child! we battled like this ALL the way to leeds. I wanted to be able to stand up and say 'Did you enjoy that? flicking your train ticket?' so he could say 'yes i did, anyway it's a free country' and i could silently take out a samurai sword and cut off his arm, then see the look on his smug face as i said 'no more flicking for you'.

so yeah, that's the mood i am in.

saw toy story 3 last night, it was brill but i still think the other one was better (with the bad cowboy man) also there were parts that were seriously dark! there's a baby with a baby voice that is well well creepsters!

It was my first 3D film and was pretty exciting, here were the problems:

I wear glasses at the cinema, the 3D glasses just about fit over but slip off all the time.
the 3D adverts are more amazing than the 3D effects in the film.
3D is dark cause the shades are dark, when i peeped out of my glasses the colour was loads better.

there you go.
also, a 3D tV? that is lame,wearing 3D glasses to watch telly? your life is very empty my friend.


well, off to the studio, need a long draw, m&d got me cambridge lib books that are AMAZING so i am gonna get stuck in. meeting my avon lady tomorrow, told her i wasn't gonna do it, it isn't for me. no way. what was i thinking? i am still gonna buy it though, that's probably all i ever wanted to do!

can't wait to head down to dorset for my holiday..., a month to go or some such thing...
i used to always wonder why everyone had their weekends booked up so far in advance but now i see it's just in CAMBRIDge that you never have your weekends booked up cause you always want a chance to leave at the drop of a hat!
i do miss cambridge though. most of all i miss cycling. seriously, i miss it a LOT.
i was trying to think if i have a love/hate relationship with the bridge but it doesn't quite sum it up, it's more protective/disdainful/joined forever feeling, it's so much part of me that it will never not be important, it's like a 3rd parent, but one who keeps having step-children that are richer than you.
cambridge means so much to people who go there and live there for a time that i feel lucky it is my place and i grew up in it and i know it so intimately.
I will leave you with a beautiful poem about cambridge by Xu Zhimo a Chinese student there from 1920 who died in a plane crash in 1931. I love this poem because when i think about the bits of cambridge that i love, it is all quiet, by the river, moments i've had alone just with the city, cycling along or reading or lying down.

Very quietly I take my leave
As quietly as I came here;
Quietly I wave good-bye
To the rosy clouds in the western sky.

The golden willows by the riverside
Are young brides in the setting sun;
Their reflections on the shimmering waves
Always linger in the depth of my heart.

The floating heart growing in the sludge
Sways leisurely under the water;
In the gentle waves of Cambridge
I would be a water plant!

That pool under the shade of elm trees
Holds not water but the rainbow from the sky;
Shattered to pieces among the duckweeds
Is the sediment of a rainbow-like dream?

To seek a dream?
Just to pole a boat upstream
To where the green grass is more verdant;
Or to have the boat fully loaded with starlight

And sing aloud in the splendor of starlight.
But I cannot sing aloud
Quietness is my farewell music;
Even summer insects heap silence for me

Silent is Cambridge tonight!
Very quietly I take my leave
As quietly as I came here;
Gently I flick my sleeves
Not even a wisp of cloud will I bring away

bad bunnies

hello hello,

back from LAAANNDAANN, where i went to seek my fortune but accidentally came back much poorer (?!)
My body is falling apart today, I am zombie-tired and walked to the station with my eyes open only about 1 mm in order to let in the least sun possible and to continue in a sleep-like trance. Ran for the train and sweated all the way to leeds with little inhibition.
Once at work I started to get really bad bad palpitations and thought perhaps i may die on my desk. contemplated running into the hallway looking for a Doctor, realised this may jeapordise my employment as it would clearly expose my madness.
Dreading going home...the bunnies did something REALLY, really bad this weekend.
We left them overnight with plenty of food and water and room for running about. Got back all excited to see them, and relieved that they weren't dead...soon I was beginning to see discovering them dead as the lesser of the bad-things-to-find-on-returning-to-your-flat.

I spotted a pile on hair on the floor resembling a giant merkin... hmmm, what is? i thought.... AAAARRGGGHHH!!! the bunnies have removed the carpet. I don't mean a bit of the carpet, i mean a metre, i don't mean the fibres, i mean down to the concrete of the floor! in our rented flat!

Needless to say, Simon was not overjoyed, especially after getting about 2 hours sleep and driving back from london... the bunnies were banned from the bedroom and are currently banned from the living room.

My quest for bunny FRRREEEDDDOOOOMMM has come back to bite us both in the arse, as we always knew it would.
I told them in no uncertain terms that come the morn they would be released into the wasteland behind our flat where the teenagers and the cats play. There was little to no reaction.

I wish I could get into their bunny brains for a minute and find out what is the OBSESSION with getting under the TV???!! It is an absolute full-time job for them, they think that behind the makeshift sketchbook-barrier lies the bunny garden of eden, curly kale forests, soft burrowing soil, endless fRREEDDDUUMM. but it's just a bit more carpet. they've been there, they know that. Christ they're naughty. it must be like having a naughty baby. it's not their fault cause they literally know no better, and they don't understand your reasoning anyway, so there's no outlet for your frustration apart from "it's my fault" cause basically it is. No one made you have a baby/ bunny/ baby bunny so you'd better expect it to piss you off. a lot. and then blame yourself. and still be quite sweet so you can't be too angry. OH and you'd better expect the baby/ bunny to make your boyfriend hate you and the bunnies for the needless havoc. but you slightly more cause the bunny/baby is still sweet and you aren't.


Had a crazy weekend in london for chloe's birthday. It began with the single worst coach journey in the history of my recent history. Boarded the coach at 3, got a double seat which i was very pleased about. All seemed well. After begging someone tall to shut the sunroof which was raining into my face, i managed to fall asleep. woke up in traffic about 5:30... then that was it. Traffic. watched the arrival time in london come and go while we remained 45 miles away travelling at 1mph. got into london about 2 hours late and jumped off in the middle of the city to save the anguish of victoria station.
Friday took cHLOE on a ghost walk which was pretty cool. The lady was an unemployed actress and very e-n-u-n-c-a-t-i-n-g in her words, she also sung old weird songs. Mostly it involved navigating pissed people all over london and seeing some AMAZING pubs!
saturday we had a wee party and danced till 4 am which is the reason for my state of complete physical shut down today. i think.

anyways. gonna head back from work and have a nap and scold the bunnies and then hopefully forgive them. also need to find a way of removing some carpet and making a repair patch, anyone done this before?? H-E-L-P me, for the sake of the roof over my head!