day off.

 after a lot of debate i decided to take the day off as i was too out of it to go into work.  days off are shit when you're ill. i lay in bed looking around my room and thinking of all the things i need to do and want to do, but i'm paralysed by feeling shaky and shit so i just lay there feeling guilty. at least when you're ill at work you feel sorry for yourself and resentful, that's a much better feeling. 

  i just had  a mega bath, deciding that could be the productive thing that i do today. it was pretty sweet. it's funny how even having a bath makes you feel guilty nowadays, with all the  climate change misery ringing in your ears. baths are brilliant. they'll probably make houses without them from now on. 

  the other rubbish thing about feeling ill is that you think about stuff too much, even more than usual, and your poison-filled brain makes everything seem even more skewed. christ i can't wait until spring, i really am sick of january. 

i had a dream a couple of nights ago that i was in a house with Liv trying to do some work, then it got dark and rained and the front door flew open, outside were giant, oozing toadish creatures, we managed to slam the door before they got in but they hurled hundreds of normal sized frogs and toads in. It wasn't scary, it was like they always came at night when it rained but we weren't meant to see them, and that's why they got angry. like spirited away i guess. in fact that is obviously what my dream was. oh that's a relief. it was bothering me. 

well i've just checked and according to the reliable source of Bellaonline, leaping toads and frogs like the ones in my dream house mean that i leap from thing to thing and never finish anything. shit. 

apparently toads mainly mean unfortunate circumstances and  that i will play a part in the downfall of a friend... 

according to dream-interpretation.org if i am a woman and i dream of toads my good name may be questioned!! NOOOOO NOT MY GOOD NAME.....

anyway, it was def just spirited away.