forts...

well, after the excitement of the big draw, yesterday i was a lazy bitch, i accidentally fell asleep reading Private Eye and woke up at 1:30pm, by then I decided I may as well hang about the house in my pants, have a sandwich, and watch Murder She Wrote, I had 2 bad nightmares which had caused me to awake feeling depressed, so I wasn't in the mood for any kind of self-improvement... headed for the studio after Jessica Fletcher had wrapped it up, encountered the phantom pisser in the alleyway on Wednesday, it was an old alcoholic man, as Simon had predicted, he said that addictive people had quite a routine homing instinct, which has proven to be completely true, this man urinated on the top step of the alleyway that you have to use to leave our flat, it's really really really disgusting, you have to creep over it every single day... anyway, I suddenly came face to face with him on wednesday, having a fag and a rest in the passage, I'm always totally terrified of encountering anyone in the alley, especially at night, it's unlit and totally terrifying, the other day there were 3 girls smoking a glass hookah pipe in there??!! sometimes there's a couple snogging in there, it's very hidden, that's it's attraction to booze hounds and teenagers, and not to me...
OH MY GOD THE LAND BEFORE TIME IS ON RIGHT NOW!!!!!
i really don't know if i can watch it!!! it's too too sad!! she just said 'some things you see with your eyes, others you see with your heart', so true, so true, god, their parents are all gonna bloody die! i can't watch!!The kids are a bit small compared to the parents, they're about as big as their parents' toenails, I can't see how they could grow that much?Peetree, the pteradactyl is the best, remember him?
Now the mum is telling the son, Littlefoot, that they must keep to their own kind...hmmm

talking of keep to your own kind, i watched that Race Experiment last night on ch. 4, even though I know that I shouldn't really, I was curious, the premise is that two groups of people are isolated from one another, those with blue and those with brown eyes, then the blue eyed people are brought in to the room, and they are treated as inferior, and bullied, and subjected to humiliation by the brown eyed people, to get a taste of what it feels like to be of an ethnic minority in Britain today.
(the mum dinosaur is fighting a t-rex and is wounded, also the earth is splitting up and lava is flying out)
anyway, (i'm turning it off now, they've all been separated by the great divide, and his mum is dying on a rock, it's unbearable!) the programme was rubbish really, i think it may have gone wrong or something, for starters, it did seem a bit unfair that it was decided that these blue-eyed people needed to be taught a lesson, it's quite presumptive, but then having thought that, I was proved completely wrong by the fact that they were very indignant about being there, and angry, but were almost all saying casually very racist stuff! I think the point that it made, that generally white people think racism in Britain is not that bad, is very true, and valid. Some people walked out, which I think was fair enough, cause the woman was totally abrasive. I also don't know how helpful it was to portray the brown eyes as 'victims' which they literally were called over and over again.

anyway, on that theme, there's a demonstration tomorrow against the English Democrat party who are having a march against so-called "Islamification" tomorrow in Leeds (that's gonna go down well) so the anti-fascists and the socialists etc will be there to shut their stupid faces...
I'm looking forward to another lazy weekend, we bought a pumpkin to carve and to make some lovely soup, and I bought me and Rowey each a crazy headset from the pound shop which we can wear all sat evening while we stare at our pumpkin, he has a knife-through-head set up and i have a bright green bat on a hairband, sweet eh?


ok well i'm off, gonna treat myself to the wakefield express and the guardian today-!! I know!! and head 0f to le studio, i also need to continue my quest to find a firework display.
bon weekend!

time for an adventure

helloooo helooow
wow, jeremy just dealt with a really difficult couple! he got there in the end though! oh no, they're talking about bereavement after the break, i'm watching CBBC now instead, it's a programme where kids have to do challenges and one of them is a secret saboteur, if they get spotted then they are locked into a computer graphic room, like Knightmare from the 80's, it was my biggest dream of my life to go on knightmare, it was totally impossible to understand what was going on, i only ever remember one person winning in the whole history of the programme, at the moment the kids are deciding if a horse can vomit, apparently they can't, now they're finding out that some turtles breathe through their bottoms, anyway, as far as i remember, when you won knightmare after what seemed like months of going on you just got a scroll, it was so disappointing...

i am really in the mood for an adventure today, spent so long in the studio yesterday, the big draw was a big success, all the paper was covered, lots of it by angry scribbling from me, and the music was pretty good too, despite myself i really enjoyed the bloody lute! might have to get some lute music on cd?
went to the pub for a pint after the draw which was nice, very unusual to have a drink on a weekday, got a taxi back to save myself the terror of the unlit alleyway walk home...
oooh what adventure shall i have??? the world is my oyster, and yet, i don't eat shellfish, or any fish...
i'm gonna pack a napsack like dick whittington and head off!

fings!

here are some pics from the Yorkshire sculpture park, the greatest place ever.
here's an Anthony Gormley on a dead tree stump, I love this sculpture



Here's some brand new graffiti from RIGHT next to my flat, it's the phantom political graf artist who has graced us with such slogans in the past as "I AM THICK CAUSE I DON'T RECYCLE"...

hello hello,

not much to report as i m off out to the studio, started a book yesterday which i am reasonably hopeful about so for once i am excited to get going!

wakey has been a bit depressing lately, half term doesn't help, bloody kids everywhere in great big swarms, yesterday i walked towards two men who were kicking a live pigeon down the street like a tin bloody can, the day before i saw a couple, about my age, laughing hysterically at an old woman who was standing still and not moving in the Ridings, i didn't ask her if she needed help which made me feel awful later, people failing to respect older people makes me so sad and so furious, i was so close to shouting at that couple, probably get stabbed or something.

today's the big draw, the studios are putting up paper and there'll be music, you just come along and draw, that's the idea, from 5-9, not sure how much of it i will endure... depends on the music i suppose, i know there is going to be a lute...

anyway, e bay is going pretty well, made £150 off the lego and coat that i sold so it's keeping the studio paid for, that's the main thing, total hand-to-mouth existence, have to try and earn enough to pay studio and phone and bank fees each month, it always seems like it can't happen at the start of the month, but seems to work out so far...? dec isn't looking so promising...

anyway, i guess i should be off, going to celebrate e bay by perhaps buying myself a bonafide coffee from a franchised outlet! i'm nervous just writing it!

bought a pumpkin too, so at least that'll get me in the spirit of things!

kylers mcwylers

hello hello, it's me-e, back with the same drivel, or as i was informed on my birthday drinks, by my friends, "complaining" which is apparently all i use this blog for! Honestly, what do you expect?!

well, i have to wait for JK today to get to the bottom of the accusations, the lie-detector results will be in...



i am currently watching Donny and Marie Osmond talking about their new las vegas show, they are literally terrifying...they confirm all my suspicions about mormons...the mormons behind my house in cambridge have been behaving even more suspiciously than ever lately...what with those biiiig gates that never open... they've been on a real recruitment drive lately around cambridge, they send out 2 lads of identical height, american, wearing suits, to knock on doors, i see them everywhere... you know if you're a mormon you aren't meant to drink tea or coffee? Someone i worked with at my old job was a mormon, he told me loads of stories about how if someone giving you trouble, the mormons will come over and 'sort them out' and then they won't give you any more and stuff...like the mafia...



cripes. there's someone on telly who sells avon, which incidentally is advertised everywhere, she earns £250,000 a year!!!! i am literally filling that application in NOW.



watched that programme about race and intelligence last night, eugenics is the most evil, sick concept ever created, the programme was quite depressing and didn't really say anything new. IQ is pointless and totally related to nurture not nature. yes.



JK is on...we're gonna find out if the brother nicked 40 grand and some guns....I predict yes...they are crims anyway i think....

hmmm i would probably have to start wearing make-up if i were to become an avon representitive...for 250grand, i'll do it!

oh, turns out he blaters did steal the money, they did the longest lie-detector test ever, 2 hours, and his lips are quivering...he did 7 tests...they all didn't work because he refused to say 'NO' and insisted on saying, 'No Lady'-!!

now to see if her boyfriend is cheating, they've been together 7 months! unbelievable! you barely know someone after that time! if i was that worried about my boyfriend cheating after 7 months i'd just dump them!

yeah he cheated loads with everyone, as predicted.

cripes, there are NO jobs, AT ALL. anyone got any ideas? i've looked everywhere, i look everyday and there is f all. seriously, any ideas welcomed pleaseeee?

anyhooo, i'm off to the studio, my new tactic is to put the heater on full blast, listen to the stereo and charge my phone, make sure i get my money's worth.

this pea head geordie is accusing his girlfriend of cheating while he was in prison, she was telling the truth for all of them, bloody women, they are so too good for stupid men, why don't they tell them to f off?

i'm off, have a good en!

not much to report...

i AM watching JK, but it's the first time in ages so give over!
a man is lie-detecting his brother because he thinks that he has stolen £40,000 and his selection of guns from a money-and-guns cabinet in his room. it's too late for it to end well i think...

had my porridge and nutella, realised i was spelling it porrige the other day, not sure what that was all about?I'm contemplating getting addicted to online Bingo? any thoughts?
had a good weekend, went to meet the socialists, it started raining pretty heavily though so i only ended up being there for 20 minutes! i only witnessed one person notice the stall and they said 'what a load of s**t'. that was the sum total of my bringing socialism to the masses on saturday...i then read the paper and had a coffee in Deli Central which is the only really lovely coffee place in wakey where they make lovely homemade YAAARKkshire fare like wee cakes and cheese from t'dales, so I like it there, even though I can't afford anything except the occassional black coff...
went to see the Grayson Perry exhibition at the Yorkshire Sculpture Park, did a long walk up to the gallery in the lovely sunshine, then by our return it was lashing with rain, it's actually really nice walking in the rain, i'd forgotten, only if you know you are going home though.
these lie detector people are gettign a load of laughs cause they have funny welsh accents, and cause the accused man is calling JK 'Mr Kyle', and bloody 'Sir' which he doesn't deserve! and makes him seem more suspicious...
I really need a haircut, I haven't had one since june 2008...that is something i can't bear to spend money on when i ain't got none...i look like a washerwoman. oh nooo, the results of the lie detector aren't until tomorrow :( dammit, i wanna know if ron stole the dosh... i'll let you know...

i went and saw the new library at CATS when i was back in cambridge, so typical, it's loads better than the one i worked in, and because it's away from the main building it's all quiet and people aren't constantly wandering in to check on you...I've got about 10 active library applications in at the moment, i NEVER hear back from any of them. I'm going to do an MA next year if things aren't looking up...i just want to do degrees forever and ever, there's about ten i want to do!! i might become an art teacher otherwise... GCSE level, not A level, i'm still scarred for life over it.
well, i've bored you enough already....sorry about that...hope it'll be a more interesting week ahead!

empty brains

phew! it's the weekend! Oh yeah, I don't have a job! Le Weekend is meaningless to me!

Biggsy I dreamed about you last night, that you and your family lived in a massive house and you were having a garden party and we were just scamping about, it was sweet.
I also dreamed that there was a creature in my room made of slime, called an Avacado Aardvark, I decided to catch it and put it in a cage cause I felt sorry for it, but when I looked it up online it turned out that it was going to gradually kill me. It was totally disgusting too.

Anyway...enough dreams...
Masterchef finished last night, so that's pretty much removed my evening structure...and YES I did watch Question Time, and NO I don't think he should really have been on the BBC, and YES the whole thing was so totally predictable that it was like having an hour of De Ja Vu. I do think that the British public have a kind of perverted fascination with the BNP, and with racism, not because they're racist, but just a kind of insatiable curiosity, everyone knows what Nick Griffin thinks and how made up all his stuff is, that indigenous British people are from after the ice age, cuckoo, he's a total loon, to be honest, the whole programme was a mixture of boring and embarrassing.

well, here's my confession, I AM watching JK, but it's the first time in AGES so come on! give a girl a breeeaaakk!!
you may be able to tell but i have nothing in my brains today...they're debating BNP on Question Time on The Wright Stuff, some posh woman is calling in to say 'i shall never watch it again!' One of the guests is saying 'I think you need to have the BNP on ALL the time, that's the way to show em' ?!

anyway this is so boring, i apologise! hope you all have a wunderbar weekend, i shall be cleaning the bathroom and making a cake, but not in that order, and not at the same time. -Unless it was a uinal cake! HAHAHAHAHA! peace out

greed indeed...

See, i've done what i ALWAYS do, i was so greedy for my porrige and it's been so long since i had some with nutella, and I was desperate for it all night last night, so what do i do this morning? i make so much that the bowl is brimming, and i eat it all until i'm having to repress a gag reflex for the last few mouthfuls, and now i'm pretty sure i never want to eat it again...
what a twatface.

i don't know if any of you have ever tried getting a night's sleep with a jab in each arm, but bloody hell, it is totally impossible. the flu jab is sore, but the pnumonia jab on my OTHER arm is frigging agony, my whole arm is dead, every time i rolled onto it i woke up and spun onto my other side and then had to spin into the middle, it was a real patchy night....ho hum, at least i'm immunised up to my eyeballs, and soon i'll be swiners resistant too, eat THAT diseases that attack the lungs!EAT MY ANTIBODIES!

well, the plan for the day is to take my graduate reader card, sneak along to leeds uni, and take full advantage of the very reasonably priced photocopying facilities, rather than return to the place i went in wakey that is not reasonably priced, and is actually quite scary!
ANYway, not really much to report... i've been really quite feckless since returning from my grand tour...it's hard to get used to real life when you've been living it up all over Poundbury, having dinner AND pudding every day...

yaaaaawwww baaaaayyybaaayy!

bonjour, c'est moi.
wow, so i've weened myself off Jeremy K almost totally, unfortunately, today I am enjoying a double bill of Airport, which is literally so distracting and brain melting that it makes JK look like fucking Don Giovanni.
At the moment it's Airport USA, they are SO much more polite than the english ones! They're all 'well, hang in there maam' in england it's 'excuse me there ain't nothing i can do about it'. there are some ghost hunters, mostly everyone is just pissed, or else they are in the bar and can't be fucked to go to their flight gate then get really tasty. These two American men are so pissed they can't stand up and keep saying that things american men say of 'yaaawww baaybaay' (baby) the ghost hunting woman is trying to pick up ghost enery in the airpost now with a little electric device, she's so excited she won't SHUT UP. she's calling the ghost sweetheart, and she says 'are you a woman?' and waits and the electric thing goes 'beep beep beep' and she goes 'thankyou sweetheart'.
so what have i done today, mostly I had some porrige, which is my favourite food in the whole world by miles, although we're on Scott's and it's not as good as Quaker (you heard it here first) also the BEST way to eat porrige is to make it with milk (I know!) then stir in a spoon of nutella, it's literally AMAZING!!!! today i had to settle for brown sugar, someone seems to have eaten the nutella...probably the person who eats it with a spoon standing in the kitchen...I'm naming no names...
I just had a flu jab AND a pneumonia jab, and i have to go back for a bloody Swiners jab in 2 weeks, which is good really cause i'm 90% sure my lungs couldn't handle swiners, just these 2 days of cold weather are making them rattle like a skeleton in a cage.

ebay selling also continues, although i seem to have managed not to know that ebay takes 10% of all you make, considering i have spent literally HOURS on it, it must tell you very discreetly! i made more than £400 last time, which was all swallowed up, but still.
gonna be doing a stall with the socialists on saturday, Youth Fight for Jobs campaign an all that.
that's pretty much it, that's me round up, weather is misty today, but not that cold, i like mist actually. I've always quite wanted to be a postie, but with all the strikes i can't do it now.

the ghost hunters have arrived at their haunted destination by the way, it's a factory, they're all so obviously making stuff up, they just got told someone committed suicide (which they weren't sure about and obv made up) and they literally inhaled with pure joy at the word 'suicide' like 'woooowwww!!!' the medium is getting channeled by a missing body part, and now he as blood on his hand! argh it's unbearable!

anyway, i'm gonna go, this is annoying even me!

i'm baaaccckkk!

I'm back from my travels! wakey to london, london to dorset, dorset to london, london to cambridge, and what a crazy time it has been indeed...

did a late night dash to Dorset in the pouring rain on friday night, with dad using his phone the whole time and overtaking on blind corners... was so brilliant to see grandma, I went and did meals on wheels with her on saturday which was pretty exciting, she's 85 and she still takes people their meals on wheels, some of them are much younger than her. went to see grandpa, who is ding really well, and eating and is so so so much less mad than everyone else in the care home. One lady sings 'how much is that doggy in the window' all day, even the sunday before when they'd had a church service, it was all she could sing, (although to be fair, when they gave my grandpa the communion wafer, he'd asked for another biscuit!) one guy, Ron, is totally trapped in a scene of his former life, he thinks he's in a train station and makes you participate because he grabs you and tries to buy a ticket and shouts at you to open the office and stuff, he was calling me June the whole time, another lady just tells everyone to shut up, and hits her bowl with her spoon over and over again, and another just shouted 'help' the whole time we were there, about 2 hours. The rest are quite paralysed, or asleep. It's very hard to imagine being stuck in a moment from your life. I was thinking, I wonder if June, or Henry, or these other people that Ron shouts at have any idea the impact they must have had on his deep psyche, or are they people he barely knew who for some reason are just stuck in that bit of his brain which is active?

watched all the usual stuff, x factor and bits of stricters, dad left on sunday and almost immediately grandma fell over on the garden path and really hit her face so we took her down to a&e, where we spent most of the afternoon, and grandma got very impatient to leave, we held her down and she was looked at very thoroughly and deemed to be okay, but to expect headaches and a huge shiner, both of which she got in abundance over the next few days.

went to see grandpa again, with chloe this time, she was also very happy at how much he's improved compared to when he was in the hospital and they had simply drugged him into a stupor, he's lovely, and so loving to grandma, Ron was going crazy and being really aggressive that day and grandpa was sticking up for everyone. The staff all love him loads, cause he's so well mannered and charming. I love him loads and loads and loads. We fed him some choc and went home to relax.

Grandma was getting delivery of a very old labrador who is was babysitting for two weeks, Murphy, so that added more excitement to our lives, and grandma immediately started corrupting his careful diet by feeding him tea on the grounds that 'all dogs love tea' and lumps of ham. Chloe formed a close bond with Murphy that mainly involved her singing 'i love you' to him while she was cooking but unfortunately culminating in him biting her on the wrist as she tried to persuade him to have a wee before bed :( they made friends though...

anyway. went back to london 1st class (it was cheaper!) which was exactly the same as standard class in all but colour, but was quiet and the seats reclined about 1 1/2 inches.

chloe was on the night shift so i tried to stay awake and watch come dine with me on 4od but caved in about 2am. Got the cach back to Cam which was very comfortable and cost £3 soI thoroughly recommend it. Plus you can people watch all through london.

did nowt all weekend and here i am, monday in wakey!

didn't get the job i interviewed for by the way...so i am back at square 1. applied for about another 10 including Leeds ice rink, gonna apply for tk maxx x mas staff too..... the 2 degree thing is most definitely working against me, the only 2 interviews i've had it's been a real point of tease-making and is obviously a problem. ooohh balls...

my new obsession after Planet Earth is Private Life of Plants, the 90's avid Attenborough sensation, I thoroughly recommend it, even if just to see a caterpillar making a wigwam out of a leaf! bloody amazing!!

lots of thoughts.

Hi there, it's me, taking time out from my celebrity friends to write a blog to you all, you lucky people...!

Not much been going down, went to a job interview yesterday in Leeds, the far, far end of Leeds. Took quite a while to get there, the map indicated a short brisk walk from Headingley station, the reality was miles and miles up a steep hill, I had to leap into a taxi when I realised that I was going to be late, the driver was very kind and charged me hardly anything on the basis that i was going to an interview and needed all the help I could get! It was raining and raining yesterday, of course the sun broke for the 15 minutes that I was walking fast, so I arrived at the interview sweating and boiling!

As for the interview, I can honestly say that it went as well as it could have, so if I don't get it then I must concede because it was a very good interview.

It was funny to be in Leeds at the uni area, seeing all the students, nothing has changed, only the uniform, everyone dressed exactly the same when I was there, they still do, only now it's wet-look leggings and scruffy pumps, in my day it was neon plastic jewelery and pointed toe shoes of any description. The boys are even worse. I kept seeing someone who I thought was the same person, but it was loads of different people I realised, there was a crew of them around me at the station, saggy beanie hat, massive joggers worn so low down that you can see all of the pants, and make out the bits, cardy and white vest, oh and a shoulder bag worn so low that it's on the arse. bloody fools. also, they all talk in exaggerated 'street' talk thinly veiling a posh london accent. ooohh. I was thinking everyone must think i'm a student, but i'm so old! I can't believe I did a degree, the world my oyster, all my ideas about my future, here i am, 7 years later, begging my uni to let me clean student halls. things don't work out how you think, no siree...

well, i am off to le studio. I've made myself sad now which was silly, things have changed a lot since i started at leeds, mainly, when i was a leeds i was miserable, drinking all the time, had no sense of myself whatsoever, and made but 1 friend. since then i have made great friends, the kind of which i had never imagined, i have started drawing, which is something that i was absolutely positive i'd never do again when i was at leeds, and i live with simon. so things are fine really. pretty much.

i would love a doggy though!

gonna go up t'copy centre and make some pics for my granny, i'm off to see her Fri and I can not wait. it's been delayed over and over cause of the fucked up summer. Hopefully the Christmas display will be up at the Poundbury Garden Centre! Gonna see Grandpa too, I miss him very much and worry about him. When I last saw him there was a woman at the care home who was creeping round calling everyone 'bugger'(in a Dorset accent) so i hope she's kept clear of him or i'll duff her up.

images of the weekend

trees which have eyes!!

a VERY small sample of the AMAZING dahlias, i took about 200 photos!!







and of course......me and Paddy, taken by the fair hand of Richard Ayode!!

i'm in love

crazy weekend, momentous in many ways. went to Burton with Rowey on fri am. as he had a dentist appt so we stayed at his mum and dad's and he showed me around his hometown of Burton, which was pretty crazy, not how I imagined at all. It is totally dominated by breweries though, which I did imagine. We went past the Marmite factory too which was sweet! It really smelled of marmite mmmm. Then comes the momentous part of the weekend, i MET PADDY CONSIDINE!! my number one most fancied and loved actor!! I fucking MET him!! got his autograph, had a chat, oh my god, he was SO SO nice, I asked if I could take a photo and he said ONLY if I was in it!! The other thing was that he was having lunch with Richard Ayode, probably one of my other most loved men in the world! what are the chances?! anyway. they are emotions which I can not convey here so I won't try. Just imagine the celebrity who you love the most, then imagine meeting them, well that was it for me. bloody hell! I screamed for about 10 minutes when i got back to the car!

Went looking around for Burton's other famous celeb, Oswald Mosely's house, so we could wee on it or at least throw some rubbish over, he does seem to hold a kind of respect around Burton, which is pretty creepy, we went past a Mosely primary school for example, which seems pretty astounding to me! your kid with Mosely on her chest, off to school...it ain't right.

went on to cambridge where we were totally lazy and just chillaxed, played Professor Layton a lot on the DS, watched telly, was pretty nice. Saturday we went to town, mooched about in John Lewis, almost burst a fucking blood vessel in total frustration at how annoying people in Cambridge are. It's three fold, one: the pavments are tiny, two: there are far too many people everywhere, three: no one has ANY consideration for anyone else... everyone stands still across the pavement so you have to push your mum into the gutter and sidle along next to her, bloody hell it's annoying.

Watched 'Far From the Madding Crowd' , hadn't seen it since Mrs Smiley's class in year 10. Not sure why we watched it then anyway, we didn't study the text?! ANyway, it's pretty great, got it on LoveFilm, I love Thomas Hardy, he's becoming one of my best.

On Sunday we went to Anglesey Abbey to see the Dahlias, I must admit they were totally amazing, mum read out all the names and I took loads of photos, only downside of the experience being that a little boy lobbed a stick into my eye, ho hum! pleasure and pain!

went off to the garden centre as I have become determined to own some lavender. I need some plants now I have no garden. It's nicer anyway, I'd only worry about them and feel sad for them if they were outside and there was a storm or something! Now I can talk to them and keep them safe! Got rosemary and lavender plants and loads of cacti off mum. sweet.

anyway. loads to do today, got more clothes to e bay, loads of vintage ones off mum. got a job interview tomorrow for a cleaning job at leeds uni, at the halls that are miles away from the uni! arse! if i did get it, i'd be travelling the same amount as i was working each day!! still, beggars can't be choosers, it's be £100 a week, i think there's be no tax either cause it's too small earnings?

ok, i've rambled on enough. catch you on the flipside...

AAANNYYway... Continued on to Cambridge