little to report

hey hey, writing to you all from cambridge, originator of the blog. at this point i haven't left the house since friday, and then i only saw the inside of the car and crazy hospital, so i am going slightly mental and getting my usual guilt waves and lazy bastard disease.

had my last day at waterstones on thurs (again) i am actually sad to leave this time, it's much better there now christmas is over and i reckon i was pretty good at it too, it suited me well... the desperate job fear was delayed as i whizzed down to the bridge for my denervation on friday. sat in the frenchgate centre in donny waiting the 2 hours until my cheap train, watching all the terrifying children buy kfc's then throw them at each other and repeatedly run backwards up the escalators screaming, punching bins and stuff. a security man came and removed the crew that were behind me and i kind of got lumped in with them and ushered out, even though i was quietly eating some chocolate and reading a historical account of urban london, maybe he could see it in my eyes, i'm a rebel, i'm a maverick.

got back to cams about 9:30pm, came home and had a late dinner with the crew, chloe told us all about the TV show she was filming 2 weeks ago with John Burton-Race (yes, you heard me right, chloe is on a cooking show!) as is utterly typical of the harries genes it seems she maintained dignity until the last minute when she gave someone double up-yours on camera. I'm so proud!

went to Ely on Friday, things were very busy up the hosp, busiest one ever, there was a lot of sitting in a chair staring, the irony being that if you suffer from a chronic pain normally nothing is worse than sitting still for ages. me and other women stared each other out, trying to guess who'd be the lucky one to go first...by 2:30 i'd been there 2 hours and at this point a nurse came in and whispered indiscreetly that they'd all just gone to lunch. I think i went in about 330 in the end? maybe later? anyway, it was very painful for some reason and i had to double up on the sedation...basically they stick a magnetic pad to your thigh to earth you and then stick four hollow needles in your back which they pass an electrically charged wire into, you have to tell them when you feel it touch your nerves, but make sure you can't feel it in your legs because then they may switch your leg nerves off! then they zap the nerves and kill them.

came home feeling pretty agonizing. chilled with chlodj and even had a...pizza hut! got the whole family into the wonders of popstar to operastar (BRILL!)
saturday i was a bit depressed which is the usual after-effect of lots of painkillers...watched little women which was somewhat foolhardy and caused lots of hysterical crying...of course once total wipeout and hole in the wall and take me out (BEST programme on telly ever) began things took a sharp turn for the better. If you haven't watched take me out (why not?) you are an arse, basically, there's 50(?) women who have lights that they can turn on or off, a series of ridiculous men are paraded in front of them and if they fancy them they keep their lights on, ultimately though the men choose who they want, so it isn;t empowering or anything, but it is BRILL!!!

what else... not much really, just taking lots of painkillers, my heart keeps slowing down but i'll choose to ignore that...gonna apply for some jobs, desperately trying to relax and look after my back but finding it incredibly difficult!!got many urges to hoover and stuff, i just tidied the dvds which has set me back about 2 days! it's impossible to relax when you're unemployed anyway, the guilt runs all the way into your bone marrow...

midnight oil

it's a late night post, the post with the most.

can't sleep, which is the usual irony as i had no problem sleeping all the way through 'tinker soldier sailor spy' today as i desperately tried to concentrate on it, despite the fact that everyone in it looked the same to the point where it was unbelievable that it seemed to be a coincidence, and believe me, trying to follow a very wordy spy drama about moles is made very difficult when the only people in it are 60-70 year old men who all look the bloody same and who are all really powdery so they look as though they've been done up like a corpse. It was one of Rowey' s Xmas presents, and he enjoyed it so i guess that's all that matters...

i want to read, but i don't want to wake him up... I stupidly said I' d work a different shift at work as i was phoned up and harangued but now i know i don't want to so i feel all nervous and annoyed... i'm such a dick like that, i have no ability to put anything into perspective, my body reacts physically to every annoyance and won't let me forget it.

had a really nice weekend, rowey went out after work on friday and i was left in the house with no food, we had planned to go shopping y'see, so there was no bread, milk, nowt, and i of course, not owning 1 penny, rely on simon to feed me, like a baby bird... watched a good docu on More4 on demand about anti-semitism, highly recommended, then ate some old biscuits and went to sleep, rowey cam in about midnight and ate ALL the lovely french biscuits chloe had bought me from Paris which i was pretty peeved about in the morning... He made up for his misdemeanours by cooking a great dinner on both nights and we had a lot of fun fatting about and watching 'take me out' and total wipeout and all such other delights! and of course, Wallander!

ho hum. well there isn't much to report, just general poverty and despair, less jobs seem to be advertised than EVER and i am even beginning to contemplate...da da daaa getting a job in ...cambridge.... i know, it's unthinkable. it's funny, when people used to say to me that they literally COULDN'T get a job i used to think that they were aiming too high, or not doing enough, but until you are in this situation you can't understand the frustration. this'll be my 7th month of having £0 income. (6 actually, cause of waterstones.)I've sold everything! what else can i do?!! ARGHHHH!!!

i think i may write an award winning novel about my life under a pseudonym so that everyone who knows me can't find out all the awful stuff i've done...? i shall begin tomorrow.

i know you all say that i moan a lot, but you would too if you were unemployed and totally fucking bereft of any of the little pleasures that money affords you such as ANY freedom whatsoever, so f off. thankyou!

2010

well i never, is this the blog, back? for 2010?? just when you thought it would never happen??

there's too much to say but at the same time nothing to say....hmmm...

well, I headed back to the bridge on the 23rd, spent Chritmas eve relaxing and making the marzipan shapes for the Christmas cake, I decided to depict the 'alleged' poisoning of Sir Thomas Overbury in the tower of London, accompanied by the 60 stools that he passed before dying, James the I being camp, Lady Somerset bringing him poisoned jellies and Lord Somerset telling the court that he and James may have done the rude while being smothered by Francis Bacon...I know, I know, it's a bit obvious, but it is an absolute Christmas cake CLASSIC.

had the mentalest christmas ever, and anyone who knows my family knows that that must be pre-etty mental indeed...however that is another story...

spent a LOT of time playing Guitar Hero as a band, me on vocals (forte's included: Hungry Like a Wolf, Heart Shaped Box, DU HAST, by Rammstein, and No-one Knows) dad on bass (scribidiba babaaa) Gabs on drums (no one else was trusted with this role, although a few days later I was allowed a go and I was pretty good, he wouldn't say so, but I was!) Chlo on GIIItarrr woop with an alternating selection of Simon Rowe/ Liv and Rick stepping in, I can't think of these long band sessions without thinking: Sweaty (it makes you REALLY sweaty, even singing does!) and CAVA as it seemed to be being drunk as if from an endless fountain...

I managed to avoid not one, but BOTH episodes of Dr Who which I never thought would happen but was a wonderful christmas present for me!

went out for Di's birthday to the Swan which was rather jolly, spent about 20 million quid on the quizzy but we won a FIVER which was sweeet!!

Headed up to Scotland on the 28th, first time I'd been in the car all the way there for ages, just like the old days...

The snow in Scotland was already a good 2ft deep when we arrived. The house was a farmhouse with a sweet log fire and 2 sofas that are so large and so deep that you fall asleep within 2 minutes of sinking into them... I cooked lots of crazy dinners including haggis with swede and cheese pie?! basically every evening was spent drinking vast quantities of wine, toasting in front of the fire and eating lots, and of course, the odd game of rude boggle! We created a snowman of Henry the VIII which looked like a sumo wrestler and was complete with back fat and a giant bit of broken pot as a codpiece... Chloe proved herself to be an utterly unscrupulous snowballer who pelted you then hid behind mum to prevent revenge...damn she was good... the snow kept falling, we went for a couple of walks, walking in snow that goes to your knees is bloody hard, but it's so beautiful and surreal that you do it anyway. On one walk it went from being sunny to being a blizzard in a matter of seconds and it was honestly like being on another planet, the whole sun was obscured by a sky filled with snow, it's utterly transfixing...talking of transfixing, I became totally obsessed with spotting animal tracks, I will post some of my photos, my most exciting find was a badger because their sweet little feet look like mini-human feet, mostly there were deer tracks and pheasants who run all over the snow looking for grub, i have some unidentified ones too... oh and i followed some foxy tracks across the garden into the woodshed where it had made a sweet little bed under an upturned bench, I refrained from looking under it in case it leapt onto my face clawing at my eyes, I did leave it some bread though, even though I know it wouldn't really want it, but beggars can't be choosers, I probably led a poor little bread-guzzling bird straight into its chops I realise as i write this...

ANYWAY, we got stranded in black ice where loads and loads of drivers had simply pulled up and stopped driving out of fear, which was reassuring to me as it is the kind of thing i would do, but provoked great shouting and swearing from my dad who skidded us round all the no-go roads at about 90mph hilariously removing his hands from the wheel and so on... coming out with his favourite lines of 'absolutely nothing could possible go wrong' etc.

when we headed back into england we realised for the first time that it had been snowing somewhere other than scotland. Arrived in Harrogate for a Betty's only to find everything shut and deep deep snow everywhere, everyone was tired and very hungry so we headed to Wakefield where even the MUmbai was closed, we tried, and failed to drive up our road so Simon and I carried our stuff to the flat and pushed dad's car out, we had intended to follow them to Cambridge but were utterly snowed in so gave up and went to bed exhausted.

On weds the 6th we borrowed a spade in order to dig the car out, living at the top of a hill and in a close absolutely NO ONE had bothered to do a fucking thing to clear the road and we noticed a few of our neighbours' cars abandoned on the ascent. We, however, had a mission which was to get to my grandma's house-in Dorset, so dig we did, Simon had taken his holiday this week in order to take me there, ad because he had none over xmas or new year, so we were bloody well going.

After the utter trauma of our road the rest of the journey was as smooth as silk, not one fucker was on the road cause of the news, and of course all the main roads were deserted and perfectly fine so we whizzed down in 5 hours flat.

Had an unbelievably brilliant time in Dorset, looking after Bernie the bendy-legged dog, we even took him for walks every day AND took it in turns to clean up after him, except once when he did so many that we ran out of bags and had to bury it in the snow... but I take that to my grave... fed him millions of treats mostly involving some that look like bacon and make your hands smell for so long that he thinks you're MAde of bacon, and some that I purchased which are a dog-version of allsorts and which I found very amusing...

watched loads of Frost and other such tv detectives, generally lounged about and laughed with grandma and had a brilliant brilliant time, went on meals on wheels on sat which was as funny as ever, especially when grandma said to one woman, 'it's cold outside' annd was told 'I do KNOW that, I have BEEN out today'-! argh!

Saw grandpa twice, arrived in time for communion at the home on Friday and joined in, they all seem to really enjoy it, although they dip the wafer in the wine as obviously the folk ain't allowed booze, so grandpa did put in a request for some wine, and Roy, the man who thinks he's in a train station made me laugh by responding 'i know, chew and swallow' in a bored voice when given the wafer! One man there used to play piano for loads of really famous bands including the beatles and they pushed his chair up to the piano where he proceeded to play! He's a really lovely waving and smiling man, I wish he lived downstairs instead of all the angry men who fight with grandpa!

Mum and dad came on Fri and Sat night, it was their 33rd anniversary, crazy.

Not much more to report, been back at Waterstone's this week, doing another fortnight there which I certainly can't turn my nose up at. Money panic is setting in again big time, the job thing is utterly utterly dire, there's NOTHING. Really am despairing. Back is also incredibly bad, having another Denervation next friday so once again, fingers crossed.