can't sleep, which is the usual irony as i had no problem sleeping all the way through 'tinker soldier sailor spy' today as i desperately tried to concentrate on it, despite the fact that everyone in it looked the same to the point where it was unbelievable that it seemed to be a coincidence, and believe me, trying to follow a very wordy spy drama about moles is made very difficult when the only people in it are 60-70 year old men who all look the bloody same and who are all really powdery so they look as though they've been done up like a corpse. It was one of Rowey' s Xmas presents, and he enjoyed it so i guess that's all that matters...
i want to read, but i don't want to wake him up... I stupidly said I' d work a different shift at work as i was phoned up and harangued but now i know i don't want to so i feel all nervous and annoyed... i'm such a dick like that, i have no ability to put anything into perspective, my body reacts physically to every annoyance and won't let me forget it.
had a really nice weekend, rowey went out after work on friday and i was left in the house with no food, we had planned to go shopping y'see, so there was no bread, milk, nowt, and i of course, not owning 1 penny, rely on simon to feed me, like a baby bird... watched a good docu on More4 on demand about anti-semitism, highly recommended, then ate some old biscuits and went to sleep, rowey cam in about midnight and ate ALL the lovely french biscuits chloe had bought me from Paris which i was pretty peeved about in the morning... He made up for his misdemeanours by cooking a great dinner on both nights and we had a lot of fun fatting about and watching 'take me out' and total wipeout and all such other delights! and of course, Wallander!
ho hum. well there isn't much to report, just general poverty and despair, less jobs seem to be advertised than EVER and i am even beginning to contemplate...da da daaa getting a job in ...cambridge.... i know, it's unthinkable. it's funny, when people used to say to me that they literally COULDN'T get a job i used to think that they were aiming too high, or not doing enough, but until you are in this situation you can't understand the frustration. this'll be my 7th month of having £0 income. (6 actually, cause of waterstones.)I've sold everything! what else can i do?!! ARGHHHH!!!
i think i may write an award winning novel about my life under a pseudonym so that everyone who knows me can't find out all the awful stuff i've done...? i shall begin tomorrow.
i know you all say that i moan a lot, but you would too if you were unemployed and totally fucking bereft of any of the little pleasures that money affords you such as ANY freedom whatsoever, so f off. thankyou!
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