Sale of the century!!

Ok, so as the week draws to a close, there really is only one event that has been at the forefront of my mind this week, the most stupendous part of the year so far, or maybe of my life. You all know what I'm talking about yeah??? It's only the Michael Jackson AUCTION!!!

For any poor sap that has failed to witness the auction catalogue of Neverland, I shall lead you through a few highlights. I must stress, however, that the entire thing is highlights, so don't miss out...

Above, you can see Michael painted as 'a king', not based on any historic figure, or period, in particular, no fussy research here, just 'a king'.

Continuing in this theme, there is Michael's faux-ermine trimmed robe. This is something which features frequently when you look at his stuff, is what awful quality the components are, no real jewels for him, always fake, and nylon clothes and fake fur, it's hard to understand? Why make yourself a KINGS ROBE if you make it like a pretend costume from a shitty costume shop? defeats the point a bit doesn't it?

Here to my left, a little too small to be fully appreciated, is a motorised cart with an incredibly beautiful painting of Michael as Peter Pan. Here is another theme within the lots, as well as the 'a king' theme, that of portraiture of Michael, again, slightly confusing for a man who was once so wealthy to only hire the man who painted the bent swan in 'The Swan' pub to paint all of these cock-eyed masterpieces. Perhaps I'm not being fair though, they may have been painted by his male companions while they were doing their GCSE art.

Below lies my absolute piece de resistance of the auction. Yes, I can sense you're confused, don't worry, that's okay, I think everyone involved in producing this masterpiece was confused throughout the process. Here you can see Michael, and five seminal figures of historic value, chosen by the great man himself we can assume, these are George Washington and Abraham Lincoln, see the trend there, great American Presidents, declaration of Independence and abolition of slavery, close to Michael's heart both, yeah this is fine, this makes sense...now we can almost continue on the trend with Einstein, a pacifist, a cultural icon, especially in America where he settled, a maverick, like Michael, he admires him, that's fine, then it starts to fall apart really as far as sanity and reason go, E.T., he is fictional, I am assured of that, he's an outsider though, so I can see that the Wackster would relate to him, also he spends a lot of time with children (oooohhhhhhhh!)and is the star of a children's film, we know Mikey loves kids stuff like Disney, this links in, okay. Here is the one that I can not understand, the MONA LISA?????!! WHYY??

why. whhhyyyyy....I sob.

Obviously we have overlooked the key element of this piece and the part that provokes such untold and uncontainable joy, these figures have all been 'Jacko-ed' can you see? Did you notice?? Look closer....seee, the Mona Lisa isn't nooorrmally wearing aviators is she? yeah, see, I don't remember seeing Einstein in a single rhinestone glove either! UH OH! See what the artist has done here? CHEEKY! It's obvious once it's pointed out I know! But you could have looked for hours before you noticed! Bloody Genius.

(ps. don't you find the hesitant mixing of black and white and colour particularly powerful here and not at all repellent?)

The most depressing thing about this auction, apart from the stuff in it, and the owner, is just how little money it's all going for. A lot of the things are valued cheaper than if you bought them new. The furniture and cars for example, are less money now than they would be from a garden centre or a car showroom, being handled by Mikey J has actually devalued lots of the stuff!! I mean that is sad no matter how you look at it.

Confusingly as well, Jacko's debts are supposedly in the millions, or even tens of millions, if he sold all of this for it's highest estimate, he wouldn't even make a dent in it. It's like watching the last desperate act of a bankrupt. Like when people spend all day busking and you look at them and think 'how can you get up to earn that little?' but that's not the point, when you need it you take anything. I could afford some of this stuff. I'm considering it. Then I can have surgery to look like him like that woman from Liverpool.

Anyway. Here are the websites, go and look at it, I've got my eyes on the swing seat though so leave that for me yeah?

http://www.guardian.co.uk/music/gallery/2009/feb/15/michael-jackson-auction?picture=343232869

http://www.guardian.co.uk/music/gallery/2009/mar/11/michael-jackson-auction?picture=344461897