BANKFUCKINGBASTARDS

HALIFAX YOU FUCKING BAAAASTARDSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

another £65 charge.
i can't even explain HOW much money that is to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! that's about 2 months worth of my spending money.
rang them up as usual, fucking pointless, as usual. GOd they have some nerve. They are in about 20 bajillion quid debt and they reckon they can patronise you over £2 that went over cause they process your transfers so slowly that you never get your money in time... bastards.

so, the day has begun with incalculable FURY. I've been pretty relaxed lately too (well, for me i have) now i'm just thinking of all the things i could do with £65. new boots, 2 separate return train tickets home, 2 dinners out with some wine, ten trips to the cinema. and so on.
filled in another complaint letter for the bank to send off, try and get there before the ruling about unfair charges is announced, which it looks like they will LOSE. It's amazing they can even hold face! everything is pointing to them being legitimately recognised as charlatans, not even mentioning the recession that they caused.

SO, went and saw the Socialists last night. Chatting about the Labour conference and stuff. Fucking hell, I REALLY believe in what they stand for, but I do feel disheartened by the lack of people who seem to care about it, and by the kind of vagueness that surrounds the whole thing. There needs to be much more walk and much less talk...it makes you want to scream. Why don't people swing to the left now that capitalism has been SO exposed lately? No one thought it could fail but it keeps failing, everyone. Imagine nationalisation, it's easy ifff you trryyy...I just don't understand the basic lack of understanding that we can all benefit each other, everyone wins, it just seems so obvious, but people need to demand it. I do feel slightly that they want me there cause i'm a young(ish) woman, they keep saying stuff like 'liiikkee attracts liiikee' to me which makes my feminist bile rise up a bit. Having said that, they are all very nice, and it's very heartening to see 18 year olds who care about socialism, never thought i'd see that. Certainly no one cared much for politics in my home town, except when we were pissed up at about 2 am, Bolloticks as it's known by Viz.

went to the studio early yesterday, about 8:30, went drawing in wakey museum too, unfortunatley i just couldn't draw yesterday, nothing was flowing. maybe cause i am such a wimp that everytime someone came in the room i went all red and packed all my stuff away! twathole!

got the ArtWalk tonight, it's a thing where every venue in wakefield that associates itself with the arts open their doors late and put on refreshments and exhibitions and people roam through town and peruse it all, it's very popular, i think it's been going less than a year and 300+ people do it. I may open my studio next month during it, who knows...

oh well, best be off, powered by injustice and fury is shall march to the post office and send some e bay. Got a tip off that I may get an interview for a job but don't wanna jinx it.

ps.

This was my birthday present to myself...4 men from Scope, the man on the left a)has a tattoo b) kung-fu kicks, c) does a karate chop and d) has tiny feet. the 2 men on the right are weird brothers or something, and as for our man in the hat...his attire speaks for itself...

I'm BAAAACK!!

Hello, hello, I am returned after the birthday week, some spent in cambridge, some here in wakey, it is very strange to be in the flat with no company, had chloe here all week and many more over the weekend, it's been a full house with airbeds and porridge and lots of late night watching of Kerry Katona: Crazy in Love and What Katie did Next, oh yes, it's truly been glory days this week.

Got some amazing presents, from everyone, including a handmade Tatty Devine necklace from Chloe that says ROSE with a thunderbolt, bloody sweet, and a sewing machine from lally if you can believe anything so totally amazing!! great clothes off mum and liv and lots and lots of treats off the Rowe, audio books and moomin books and everything good!

Made loads of teeny triangle sandwiches and made my own birthday cake, called an Il Diplomatico, it's basically like a tiramisu but with chocolate mousse in the middle and had a Saturday of playing Wii and awarding most medals to Simon... Chloe played and fought HARD for the Streetfighter II title, spurred on by the prizes that we had picked up in Scope earlier in the week, after a long and painful fight, she claimed the prize, leaving rowey wallowing in defeat....it was exciting to say the LEAST!!

went to Hansa's for the big birthday dins on Sat, had the set feast and it did not disappoint...nooo sireee, then soireed to the North Bar and had a tasting platter of ale, m+d went to go to sleep and we headed of for a night on the wakey tiles which included a) a run in with one of the wakey socialists and his friend who looked about 10, b) a brief gander around RFLEX and c) a shimmy in Escobar.

Clattered home and did my usual thing of passing out while i was talking, awoke feeling pretty rough (although NOTHING on the roughness i felt after my night out in Cambridge...I slept until 7pm last Sunday and still had a stinker on Monday) but shook it off after a bit, watched the 'oaks with liv, first time i've watched it for about 10 years, i can not BELIEVE Tony is still in it!!!! I dreamt about him that he lived in a castle, he was THAT big a celebrity!!Put liv on a train at 11 . Went conkering with lal and rowey, then put lal on the train, Lal had come up on Friday but had such a bad head cold that she couldn't come for dinner and stayed in bed all weekend...

Me, rowey, chloe and rick went to the Rhubarb Triangle for a big fat roast to revive us. Had one last game of streets of rage and then everyone left, mum, dad, chlo, rick, everything looks real empty and sad now :( just been tidying up but it's too miserable, not quite sure what to do today... applied for a job this morning, should apply for some more later, god i hate it!!

Played the new Professor Layton game all evening on the DS with Simon, its this game (maybe for kids?) where you have to solve a mystery and you progress by solving hundreds of mini-puzzles, professor layton is the japanese-game-designer's idea of an english gent, he wears a top-hat all the time and says stuff like, ' aah but as an englishmon i only like the refreshment offered to me by a cup of tea' and Luke, his apprentice, is a co-ckeny urchin constantly saying 'blooiimeyy professaarr' in the Van-Dyke style. However, it is very addictive and when you can't do a puzzle for a while cause you don't understand it, it is very very upsetting, it keeps you hooked...

anyway. i DID not watch kylers today, only about 10 minutes, now i have discovered the joys of Frasier on ch4+1...

I REALLY feel like going to the cinema...but of course, i can nae afford it. gonna go and draw the conker trees i think...

i'm offski

just relaxing with JK, getting ready to head off to the bridge for the weekend...
got great tales to tell of the wakey socialists, more on that next week!
just baking a batch of homemade custard creams as a present to the crew.
catch you on mon where you can hear the results of my 78-item e bay sale, i'm on £48 so far..... come on money MORE!

lots of telly

ok, so i am weaning myself off JK, today i watched Fraiser on 4+1, BRILL so now i'm onto JK for the last 20 mins, so come on, that is progress...

there's a man with a vest and a gold necklace on, Jez is making this girl admit that she loves him. they must be pretty local to me cause there talking about a nightclub in Bingley called 'Funkys' !!

Watched an amazing Sally Jessy Raphael yesterday about Morons, sorry, mormons, makes you so uncomfortable, one guy was married to a mum, then married 2 of her daughters (who i presume were from a previous relationship?!) they kept saying that it was in the Bible to have lots of wives, cause Abraham did, but I don't think it was in the Bible that men are meant to marry 11 and 12 year olds?bloody rank.
Watched a REALLY annoying programme on BBC2 last night where these contestants get a chance to win a job with Phillipe Starck, possible the most famous designer in the whole world.
These people were unbelieveable, i literally can not believe that any of them got onto TELLY let alone were even allowed to meet Starck!!!!!! they had to go to a supermarket and choose 2 objects that represented man/woman, ecology or good design/bad design, the stuff they chose was GCSE level insight or even worse, stuff like batteries and nappies, one girl chose condoms and tampons-!!! it was amazing, he was being quite gracious but he must have been pretty infuriated, "yeah, i chose nappies cause they're bad for the environment" NO SHIT SHERLOCK! I was literally shouting at the telly, they were such a bunch of massive twats, and now they get to live in an amazing house in central Paris, aaaaaaarrrghhhhhh!!!! watch it, DON'T watch it! I'll be watching it alright...IDIOTS!

aaanyway, things are going well at the studio, got a phonecall from the Socialists last night, gonna go and meet them later, there's a big campaign against the BNP and I wanna get involved, the guy told me that they're getting more bold in this recession and have been creeping into the town centre with a campaign table for the first time ever. SO i am going to bite the bullet and enter........THE BLACK ROCK! the scariest pub in wakey centre, and meet the socialists, i think they're all beardy weirdies, and apparently there aren't any women! but it's not about that so i'm on it.
anyway. gonna finish my ebay marathon. got 48 things up, and 42 to go! that's just mum's stuff, i've got a fair bit to do aswell!Hoo MAma!
ok well, catch you on the flipside!

-:(

ok, i'm off jeremy kyle, i can see i have a problem..........................................

NOT REALLYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!
i'm on it and iiii LOVE it!!!!!!!!!!!

heroin addict mum and daughter, mad man who JK made leave the studio cause he was so mad.
it's a whopper!
got 45 things up on ebay at the moment, had to take a break now cause if it does all sell i can't post 100 things in a day...
jezza just said, 'that is scaaary maaan' to someone... -:( that's my drawing of a dickhead, sweet eh?!
had a lovely relaxing weekend doing nothing. went to leeds to try on shoes that i thought i may ask for for my birthday, none were there, plus i stupidly wore silly shoes cause it was sunny, so by the time we'd walked to wakey station i was in bloody agony and had to totter around leeds on bleeding stumps waiting outside every shop unable to proceed! i'm such a -:( (see it's in now)
made the most of the gorgeous hot weather by coming home at 3 and falling asleep until 6, although i did watch 'I shot Andy Warhol' an excellent film about a militant feminist who..yes, you guessed it, she shot andy warhol. After about ten minutes of her explaining why men are redundant genetic mistakes, simon fell asleep (can't blame him) and i followed suit after the film. There is NOthing better than a nap.
Had a lot of baths, they are LIFE GIVING. I love baths more than any other thing in the world.

Me and simon went into town yesterday and really eyed up the new Beatles Rockband game on the wii... it's £170 so there's no way, but it's nice to dream.

ok, this morning is on now, that's too rich for my blood, off it goes.
ok telly is OFF i am going to the studio NOOOW with a wee packed lunch, wish me luck!

uh oh spaghetti oooo's

uh oh, i tried to stay away, but i can't! jezza kyle is blasting out from my telly! a boy with a face of a baby and two scarily anorexic sisters who is a DICK. he's one of the biggest twats i've ever seen in my life. i feel so sorry for women, every day they're on jK putting up with unbelievable levels of crap from total little scumbags.

woke up with a cold today, could feel it coming on yesterday, literally can't stop sneezing at all, it's really tiring and it's given me a well sore throat. gonna get in the bath in a minute and try to steam it out a bit. Today will be a day of location drawing, i shall leave the house before 11 and draw around wakey, i'm making a wakey book. got about 5 job apps racked up to do at the weekend, i HATE HATE HATE them. if i had any money i'd pay someone to fill them in for me. but if i had any i wouldn't need to i suppose.

he's a dick this boy, he wants a dna test. i'd literally chop his stupid balls off. he needs castrating.
she accused him of sleeping of his own sister. jeremy says that's too much. it does seem pretty true though...
went to the wakefield job fair yesterda, had high hopes, bounded through the door, into the sports hall of the leisure centre, through the door, straight out the fire exit.about 10 tables in there, army, navy, 2 for fostering children, one for volunteering, nhs, radiography. so that was extremely useless, but an apt reflection of how few jobs there are in wakey. there was also one for neurological care which simon wanted me to spy on as he hasn't funded it so technically it shouldn;t be in wakey, something fishy's going on...i didn;t probe them though, just hopped it! maybe i should join the army? it's the only thing left really. I agonise over what i truly want to do with my life, maybe the answer lies in doing the opposite of what i think? maybe the only way to contentment and pure soul is through something manual? i often think that. I never minded cleaning jobs, maybe i should be a litter picker or something? lots of time with my thoughts. I would def apply if i saw it.
cripes, on the wright stuff they're discussing whether it was worth it to rescue that journalist in iraq, even though 4 people died, how ridiculous, who do people think they are, really?

was meant to meet my friend lightning tonight, i worked with him in the Spread Eagle in cambridge, but he's from Halifax, too broke to make it today... neeearly had a social life there for a moment! dangerously close to communicating with another person! think it's for the best now anyway cause i'm so sniffly.

anyway. time for a bath then embarkation into the world, it's nice and sunny at least. bon weekend crew.

ooohh hahahhaaaaaaaahahhaaa oh haa hahahaha!

hello hello, how are things?

well, i am doing some craft fairs this year in yorkyshire, i am BANNED from selling cards, as there are already too many people selling, so i shall concentrate my efforts on other crapola, such as teeny toys and calendars, hooo yeaaahh! here's my oven burn, i sprayed it with savlon, but it is still leaking, maybe i'll get gangrene? that'll liven things up round here!! may also mask the smell of fags from next do

or?

here's my jasmine tea, isn't it beautiful? it's an insight into my world today! even a cup of tea is beauty!

here's a really old yew tree in the Yorkshire Sculpture Park, we went on Sunday, it's the best place ever, you must go if you are in Yorkshire one day (ie. visiting me-I have an airbed and very good hospitality).

sooooo i am off to the studio today, better make the most of it before it is wrenched from my sweaty grip...maybe i can paint my burn? i don't know why the burn is so exciting, i've never had a bad one!

Today in my flat the windows bring forth the sound of kids back at school, and the smell of marmite and fags. I can see two boys sitting in the passage entrance so I shall have to nervously pass them in a minute...

I did watch Jeremy Kyle today, sorry Joey, but I promise to wean myself off soon... (all addicts say that) today there was a BNP woman who'd managed to raise her daughter in such a way that she cried if she saw a black person, however, her ex-boyfriend who was accusing her of the old racism and getting the audience on his side, well, turns out he pinned her to the floor and nearly killed her by headbutting her cause she didn't empty the dishwasher, so it was less black and white than all that, pardon the PUN HAHAHAHAHA!

yes, your assumptions are correct, i may well be losing my mind.

september the 18th and 19th i will be in the Bridge for my birthday so anyone who can come, please do.

no job, no sense

hello hello, i'm watching rhubarb and custard, custard just inserted a piece of cheese into the computer floppy disk slot. The tv is only really tuning into channel 5, so i am at the mercy of that today. wowee! Farmer wants a wife! a new series where a farmer gets to select a wife from some city ladies! can't wait for that, not at all backwards or awful! I will watch it though.
had a real lovely weekend with liv here, the flat feels so weird when there's no guests here... :C
made the most enormous curry ever and watched x factor, which was pretty sweet, saw simon cowell force a girl to take back a cheating boyfriend. i'm on gmtv now watching them analyse it as if it were an urgent political situation of our times.
just had a little detour to fill in every single competition on the GMTV website. how depressing.
jeezy creezy, jeremy kyle is pretty exciting today, there's a man with a tattoo on his neck who is shagging about 3 women i think he might fail the lie detector worse than anyone in the history of the programme...here it comes...........
sexual contact=lying, with becky=lying, intercourse=lying.
the man doing the test said the reaction was very strong... jeremy's manipulating her to get back onto the stage....
bloody men.
hmmm yes, this is a sad stAte for my life to have got into... i just briefly considered getting addicted to online gambling, when you go on the gmtv website it floods you with tempting offers, they certainly know their audience...
jeremy is telling this woman how to empower herself as a woman!

anyway. the job applications must continue this week, in a more desperate and frenzied way than ever! the studio is going to have to go by next month otherwise, then i will just be unemployed, not even an unemployed artist. I can't believe i'm not eligible to any kind of benefits. legally simon has to give me a living allowance, it's ridiculous, they didn't ask me anything.

i've got a bad oven burn on my arm, i just took the plaster off it, it's rank and squishy...
anyway. i am working hard at fighting the negative thoughts in my mind, it is hard though. on a monday morning with another week stretched out ahead and no prospect of paying for the studio, or my phone, or even paying the monthly interest on my overdraft, let alone anything that constitutes pleasure, like going for a coffee or something!
NO rose. positivity. Filling in job applications is unquestionably my most hated activity in the world. but i must face it. applying for jobs is my job now.

not much to report

so today on beauty and the geek they have to milk a cow, it's pretty rank. plus they are doing it in their bras. One of the geeks and the beauties have formed a "relationship" which is def the rankest thing to behold. they are now in a face off with each other and he just described it as a greek tragedy....
two of the geeks are hosing each other off now...
now they're pissed on one beer and talking about what's changed about them on this journey.

god i hate americans.

i slept in by mistake today, till 10:30, i dreamed that i was doing an MA in Rome and my bed was in the classroom and everyone was furiously getting on with stuff but i had no idea what to do...
i think i'd better go to the studio today, in the mad wind and rain outside.
my standards have lowered immensley regarding a job, i will now take anything, my benefit claim was refused so now i've lost my theoretical safety net.hmmmmmmmmmmmmm
so, not much to report. still trapped in the flat by the restrictions of poverty... but slightly more cheerful than before by sheer force of willpower.
hopefully some more amusing things to report soon.

back in wakey!

Had a really, really realistic nightmare all night, I even got up twice to go to the loo and both times fell back asleep and continued my nightmare from where it left off. It was about the end of the world, there was a hot cloud, like volcano ash, coming toward where we were, we all had to pack a bag of essential things and then were assessed to see if we were allowed to be saved or not. in the end i stayed with my grandma and decided to wait for the cloud. it was really horrid.

Back from Edinburgh, had a really long and crazy jam-packed weekend. Went to 7 shows in 3 days, actually wet myself a bit laughing. The flat we had rented was unbelievably disgusting, it was really really rank and had an extreme odour de urine, so we were out all day every day. Drank a lot of beer, once again, I was unable to pay for anything at all, which wasn't a great feeling. I applied for a job at the studios where i have my studio, but i'm pretty sure the time has passed when i could have got it. Someone told me that all the council jobs that i keep applying for are internal application only, but they don't put it on the website, so it's a total f-ing waste of my time... :C

I am currently wAtching Beauty and the Geek, I wish it would last all day then I could go back to bed. I bloody hate hate Americans.HATE hate. There's anough of them in edinburgh to keep you in a state of constant bubbling fury.
Anyway, today i need to sort out the flat because it's full of crap and it's stressing simon out, and lots of the crap is mine, so i really should move some. Got 3 suitcases of stuff off mum to sell on e-bay so i shall also get on with that today.

thinking about my birthday too. trying to decide what to do... so difficult when all your friends live all over the country, you feel rude asking them to travel, and more than that, it's hard to do, so i shall have to think on...

well, on september the 2nd, I can honestly say that this has been the most emotional, most mental and most exhausting summer ever. If the next few months can give me one thing it will be calmness. I am going to work very hard on how i react to things and try to be more positive, i know i am too easily defeated by stuff and it's stupid cause i've had a moderate amount of shit and i'm still okay, so what's the biggie???