I am currently sitting at my computer, the balance of my bank account is 1,502 od on a 1, 500 overdraft, this has foiled my plan to extend it to 2000 as now i am over my limit. I have no money coming in, at all, so I can't go and buy a coffee in order to get out of the flat, as I would normally be tempted to do. I can't invite someone over for coffee either, cause i don't know anyone here. I know i sound self-pitying, things have been very hard over this fortnight or so that seems to have lasted a year and it has left me feeling a bit fragile, like i don't want to go out and face anything, combined with mental period pains, this creates a desire to got into bed and sleep for a few weeks like a hedgehog.
I have been on holiday, to Gozo, a 7x4km island near Malta, it was very very hot and it was a very good holiday,with lots of snorkelling, so it hasn't all been bad, but it's amazing how, when something is book-ended by bad stuff it has no kind of lasting relaxing effect on you, the second we touched down in Gatwick is was like we had never gone away.
My parents are living separately, my dad had an affair, so my mum is in a really bad way, and everything is up in the air and completely shit. Even when i write it down, it doesn't in any way convey how shit it really is. So that came out on July the 18th, the day we were having a surprise party for chloe, lovely surprise eh? party cancelled and so began the sadness and the confusion and the fighting and the total breakdown of everything we had all finally started to take for granted.
Anyway, Simon and I finally got back to Wakefield on Monday night after sitting in stationary traffic for bloody ages. We spent yesterday going to Aldi, then Asda, then Sainsbury's as we couldn't find/ kept forgetting what we needed. Aldi is definitely the craziest place ever. It's practically deserted, the people there are all mad, totally mad, they are all staring and shuffling about, i saw TWO people with no shoes on?! However, the rumours are true, provided you don't need normal things like milk or washing liquid, it is well well cheap there, you must just select from the 30 products on display.
I was overcome with tiredness yesterday, I guess it must just be finally getting back and away from all the horrible stuff, i could hardly open my eyes. We watched the Joy Division docu (highly recommended if you're depressed-!) and then went to bed until 6:30, so tired that I fell asleep immediately.
Today I got up at 7:30 like an old person, the less you have to do, the earlier you get up. I have just completed an online application for jobseekers allowance and then spent the next hour seeking jobs with the usual results; debt collectors wanted; catalogue salespeople; parking attendants, there are no jobs. If i see one that looks okay and click on it it will say " MUST have minimum 3 years experience and professional qualification" no matter what the fuck it is, and the salary will still be £9,000 p/a. Yes, the job market is fucked. I only want a part-time job so I can go to my studio and buy some frigging pencils if i need them, maybe a jar of freeze dried coffee. I always thought poverty was meant to be good for creativity, but no, it turns out it isn't good for anything except depression and depression tends to render you paralysed.
Anyway, I have about 16 loads of holiday washing to get through today so i really should be off.
I shall tell you about the holiday tomorrow, that's a bit more jolly eh?
hope you're all okay.
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