TRAFFIC COPS!
the script of traffic cops is a work of art.
Why do people want to watch traffic cops? it's horrible. and really boring. This one policeman is rubbing his hands together saying 'i LOOOOVVE seizing cars! I LOVE IT!' it's not going to do anything for public relations is it?
some lines so far that I have particularly enjoyed:
'... capturing unlicensed vehicles is like shelling peas...'
'... the officers have happened upon a tea party..(cut to shot of pitiable gurning old man drinking tenants Super) but it's not brown sugar they're putting in their tea. It's heroin.'
then, only about a second after the first drugs/ tea party analogy:
'....a quantity of white stuff has been found in the kitchen..... but it's nothing used for cooking with...'
OK now it has got fucking ridiculous. Two police in a patrol car are racing into the town centre responding to a really distressed 999 call from a member of the public reporting something suspicious. The officer calmly tells us that there are reports of a 'turnip with eyes' (i'm not joking, it's on i player) and they have to investigate it as it may be something to do with TERRORISM or an ALIEN!!
he goes on to say that they approached slowly and cautiously, checking it was safe.
It was a South Park 'Kenny' doll. they ad the siren on for that. I trusted the police more than most people and even I don't now.
The same serious man tells us a second later about two women who got lost dog-walking and called the police and we're 'really scared and surrounded by cows.'
talk about bring back '999' with michael buerk!
Everyone my age still has the 999 voice over in their head when they are doing something precarious, remember the shit actors who played the victim? then there'd be the injured person in a room going 'i was just taking a short cut past some rapids, over a metal railing...'
'suddenly it started raining and the fog came down... but i thought i'd better push on...'
you get the picture.
I do think i need to tone down my stupid mouth. I made a joke at work today and got slightly berated then felt silly cause i knew it was the wrong audience and i need be careful around people who don't know me and know that i am good and right on. I was invited to the town library for a 'meeting' which was really for some heavy lifting, while moving one of the psychiatric journals i pointed at the cover which was covered in cartoon smiley faces (my thought process here was simply how ridiculous it was to cover a mental health magazine in smiley faces-not to mention that i have so much contact with mental illness (in my own brain and in most people's brains i know) that i feel quite relaxed laughing about it) so i pointed to it and said 'huhuhuh look, look "I'm laughing because I'm mad" hahaha' to which i was quickly told, 'yeah, well that isn't appropriate' So now i am probably viewed with suspicion as someone who hates anyone with mental illness when i am the oPPOSITE!
I'm still laughing everytime i think about my joke. it was my best one in ages.
I literally am laughing cause i'm mad!
How can you say that about cops!?! It is the silly analogies which make it. That along with the occasional one sided fight between a drunk idiot with too much courage and 5 sober coppers with metal sticks - I get told off for cheering at the TV like im watching some kind of sport.
ReplyDeleteAlso, the 999 theme tune does still play in my head when im in a precarious situation, lol. As for mocking mad people, that is not appropriate; it is no laughing matter that the UK is swamped with mentally ill, pedo, imigrants trying to convert us all to Islam (See Daily Mail for details).