moody slags

I can't express how much it's cheered me to start seeing blossom and flowers everywhere. It's the crocuses that I like best, they are so beautiful, always different colours together, always in weird places, and totally fragile, you can't pick them, they just disappear after a couple of weeks and you forget that they were ever there. Obviously daffodils are brill too. I don't think it's any coincidence that the first flowers of the year are the brightest, and the most abundant and resilient, nature knows how much we need them after winter, they're a signal, 'don't worry, just hold off doing anything drastic for a bit longer! It'll all be fine soon! Look at my sweet trumpet head!'

So after seeing Richard Herring, I had this idea that I would revisit my diaries from the 90's and find some funny stuff. Unfortunatley, it was like taking a walk into the dark recesses of a cave, realising that you were lost and then slipping on a mossy rock and breaking both of your ankles. I always remembered being pretty unhappy between years 7 and 9, but it's easy to say that 'ooh i hated school' but bloody hell, never find out why that was if you can avoid it, I mean, don't read a specific itinerary of exactly all of the bad things that took place, when and where and who. To be honest i think most people find those years the hardest simply cause you are scrutinised so hard by everyone, and you have no personality to speak of so you constantly get batted about by other kids who mistook being a total fucking idiot with having a strong character (probably because that's what their mums told them).

The most common word that appears in my diary is probably 'moody'. It is used to refer to everyone 'she's so moody', 'he's being moody' it was like the most damning thing you could say about someone, even though people going through puberty are gonna be moody, that's just a fact.

Alex, there's a few entries in the early diaries about you, the diaries of 95, one in fact where i say, 'Alex is being moody lately, but she says it's cause of the weather, i think she's right.'
I'm not sure what it means? At least it appears we got to the bottom of such things!
The daily entries always culminate in a 'top 5' ALWAYS. Which changes dramatically from day to day, I can HATE someone one day and they'll be number one the next, I think it was based on a complex system of whether or not i had spoken to them and if they had been nice to me. that was about it.
I'm also really mean about some people who i'm sure didn't deserve it. Especially teachers!
The ongoing saga of me and my best friend A is the most consistent theme, and the thing that clearly causes me the greatest turmoil as we drifted apart, and I felt left behind. I was really very lonely all that time, but I think that nearly everyone was, it's just a hard, hard time to feel at all content in any way. It co-incided with very difficult times for my family, which obviously you keep to yourself at that age, so I think that the misery was compounded into a compact form, like heart-coal.
I displayed such a resistance to succumb to any sort of girly characteristic, I frequently call people 'slags' cause they wear platforms-?! or make-up, like some sort of feminist stasi!
I was just clueless and scared, I feel really sorry for myself actually! But I also hate the way i come across in the diary, I'm angry that I cared about all that shit! There was really nothing wrong with me, bar my haircuts, but I now blame you for that mum, you allowed me to have the 'ramp' you allowed me to bleach it piss-orange, you should have locked me in my room and said 'you'll thank me one day!'.

Anyway, enough of that, there are some pretty funny bits, I shall recount those that are worthy of it. The scariest bit is how crystal clear I remember it all. Reading it just leads to hundreds more things shooting into my head. I can't believe it was nearly 15 years ago. I'm almost exactly the same! Just rounder, crosser, and devoid of lovely basic child-like hope.