hello hello, i write to you from my old bedroom in cambridge, now resembling a dumping ground after the death of our friend Grace, mum has taken in most of her clothes in the hope of selling them and giving the money to her children, she, being mum, has also taken in every other bloody thing, and anyone who is familiar with my family knows that the house already has vast areas of un-enterable space due to huge piles of untouched stuff. It reminds me of the man who was called the 'human mole' by the papers and who burrowed through all the stuff that he had piled up to the ceiling in his house, they found him dead burrowed into all this stuff...
aaanyways, i have a MENTAL nightmare that was just like a film, as always, with a beginning and middle and a plot twist and a murderer, I have to stop watching Midsomer Murders...true dat.
I am currently on some sort of jaunt around england, that sounds more fun than it is, basically i am running away from my own poverty-stricken existence by hiding with various members of my family and hoping that they'll look after me, next week grandma, the week after sisters.
I am using the opportunity to wean myself back onto the nerve drugs gabapentin, the epilepsy medicine that helps with neuropathic pain. I have triend 3 or 4 times to take gabapentin, it is like a miracle drug that really, really helps my sciatica, it's used for bipolar disease and epilepsy and any kind of chronic nervous pain like mine. It really really works BUT i have never been able to stick to it because it makes you REALLY REALLY tired and dizzy. Bearing this in mind I was at uni and working both other times i tried, now i suppose i can just lock myself in my room and fall all over the place with dizziness to no end! hooray!
I made the mistake of reading the side effects last night, it really makes you sit back and consider the odds and whether it's worth the risk!!
1 person in 10 will get a viral infection a fever and dizziness, okay, fair enough.
COMMON SIDE EFFECTS 1 person in 100 will get, amongst MANY other things, PNEUMONIA! inflamed EAR?! respiratory infection or urinary tract infection, ANOREXIA??! this is 1 in 100, this is a LOT of people, incontinence (that's all i need) decrease in white blood cells! (how will i know?! i don't want that!!)swelling in the legs and arms resulting in diffculty walking! BACK PAIN! ARGH! vertigo (so?) inflamed gums and teeth problems ( there isn't really anything that is not at risk here) ACNE and swollen face! (i WILL get that one, mark my words) there is also unusual eye movement (i HOPE i get that, it's making me laugh just thinking about it!) diffculty speaking and loss of memory and my favourite one of all ANGER TOWARDS OTHERS- finally i have an EXCUSE!!!! and that one has DEFINITELY already started! with a BANG! also you can get 'accidental injury, fracture. abrasion' this drug causes accidents! like some divine power! These are ALL COMMON side effects! COMMON!!
that's just a selection, THOUSANDS of people are on this medicine, 1 in 100 get that for their trouble, no more pain but it's turned me into an acne-ridden, sleepy-eyed, angry, slurring monster with inflamed gums and swollen arms bashing into everything cause i have no co- ordination, forgetting everything and unable to heal myself due to no white blood cells, angrily looking at everyone with my unusual eye movements, but also feeling dizzy and convulsing, and incontinent but with a urinary tract infection for extra pain/embarrassment.
you don't even want to know that 1 in 1000 side effects but lets just say it involves: acute kidney failure (ie. probable death) hallucinations, WRITHING, inflamed pancreas, inflamed LIVER (ie. dead) hair loss.
woweee, never read those leaflets.
I am also taking some antibiotics which i am not allowed to have milk while i am on so that's a blow as many of you know, cereal time is my favourite time of the day, especially when i am here, in cambridge and i can place a complex/ flamboyant and sometimes multiple cereal order with my dad when he goes to tesco... :( hair loss and now this. No wonder i am writhing...wait a minute.... incidentally the side-effects from these biotics are NOTHING compared to the gabapentin, just swollen tongue and watery diarrhoea or inflammation of the membrane surrounding the heart(it says to contact your doctor if this happens-how do you know that has happened?)and discolouration of thyroid tissue (uh?) or permanent loss of vision, liver failure, just the usual immediate and sudden-death risk that you take when you're trying clear up a nagging sinus problem which is at worst irritating.
anyway, there's an insight into my medicine-filled life, i'll let you know what effects i get, unless i get any of them in which case i'll be in hospital/dead/lying in a swollen/dizzy heap.
bon weekend crewage.
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