haaa-aave aaaa hollly jolly christmas

...welcome to the line of music that is inside my head 24/7. I go to sleep at night grinding my teeth and chewing my cheeks and going 'do they know it's christmas time at aaall dddeee de de de de de' it's the road to certain madness...

well only today and tomorrow left at work, very pleased about that, although, obviously very nervous as the job hunt has been put on hold...the job has been oookayy but still i am very pleased not to be returning, i'd forgotten what it was like to work with a team of young people, it's very paranoia inducing, you hear them bitch about anyone who isn't there at that moment and you know it'll be you in ten minutes!

had another crazy weekend with liv, rowey was sick so we went on a wee rampage without him, managed to adopt a cold soldier by mistake and stay up till 630 again so there may have been an element of me not making it to work... to be fair, the whole of wakey (as everywhere else i'm sure) is just compacted ice so it's been very hard to stay upright and i did fall twice on sat. very worrying for old people, it's totally treacherous... almost everyone in town was wearing this really cheap-looking 'sexy' elf costume, something you'd be really freezing in if you went out in the evening in may or june, totally bare arms and legs in the falling snow, it's always amazing to behold! not like cambridge eh?

going home straight from work tomorrow, then to scotland for new year on the 29th, lally is not coming for xmas or ny which will be very strange in the harries household, i know lots of people have xmas with friends and stuff but i can't imagine it myself...imagine washing and getting dressed on christmas day?! that's crazy sheeet.

well, see you later 2009, it's been a stinker. roll on 2010.

more mormons

aaarrrrrrrgggggghhhhh!!!!
i managed to acquire a long splinter in my finger yesterday whilst attempting to clean in my parents's house, idiot hole that i am, unfortunately it's on my right hand so i am totally unable to remove it, i am loathe to let my mum do it cause she is ever so slightly...VICIOUS and i may end up still with splinter but missing my fingerprint...
to add to that annoyance, my swiners jab is giving me mega jip! has anyone else had one? it's made my arm swell up and it is emmiting heat, like a small sun, i can't dress properly due to pain! bastard immmunisation bastard. uh oh, splinter is seeping...
enough on my usual aches and pains, am at home in the bridge, had 3 days off ina row and dad told me he was driving back from middlesborough so i thought i'd hitch a lift, (just remembered, i dreamt that Camilla Parker-bowles was coming for tea and mum was all casual and i looked in the cupboard and we had about ten packs of muffins and that was all to give her, outside the window were rolling green hills so we could see her coming from far away, walking over the hills?!) must admit, it is very nice to be back, slept in every day, which i can't do in the flat for some reason of guilt. watching telly and making dins for the fam, lovely to catch up with gaby who i never hear from, overall it's given me xmas excitement, although it's the first year in my life i haven't had an advent calendar which is sad :(

on the bus into town yesterday i was listening to adam and joe and staring out of the window contentedly, there was only a couple of us on the bus, suddenly my contentment was rudely interrupted, a girl got on and made a bee-line toward me, smiled and said 'hi' and sat next to me, bit weird, i thought, but whatever, uh oh, head rotate, MORMON name tag. then she started to talk to me, 'are you going to work? do you live here?' i realised she was talking and took out a headphone, 'sorry i didn't realise you had your earphones in' she said, 'well, yeah' said i, putting them back, was that the end of it then? was it fuck, she continued to talk to me unabated, i must add that she had boarded with another friend who was tackling the elderly lady in front of me, her opening comment being 'what country are you from' as the woman had dark hair and slightly olive skin! i add at this poing that both girls were, of course, north American, mine was canadian. then the real stuff started as you can imagine... we had a rather safe and dull discussion about religion, i told her it had caused so much conflict, she told me she knew the truth, i asked her how old she was, 22, i felt quite sorry for her, i told her she was too young to be sitting on buses far from her home talking to strangers, she needed to relax and enjoy her life and stuff. as we disembarked she asked my name, 'Rose, what's yours?' she pointed to her badge, 'sister millard' what about your first name? i asked her, 'we aren't allowed to use them' she said, then she leant in and whispered it to me anyway, my friends and family call me that she said.
as i said to chloe, i was looking at her and thinking, you're young, you're beautiful and your wasting your life, and as chloe put it, 'that's exactly what she's thinking about you'.


i waited behind a pillar to see what they did with the old lady, one was on either side of her in the street, she went off with them. pretty manipulative if you ask me.

just got back from the christmas party, fuelled up with old feelings of inadequacy so i can't sleep!

i don't know what is wrong with me and why i can't just say look, i'm a 27 year old woman, there is nothing wrong with me, i love my family, they love me, i love my friends, they probably like me a bit too, i'm in debt, but so is everyone, plus, i'm chasing a dream kind of, which lots of people aren't lucky enough to do, i don't give a shit about these peripheral people in my life, it doesn't matter if they like me, i'll never see them again, but nothing has changed on that score, i am just the same as i've always been all my bloody life, it's like my Russian Travel diary from 1998, as i found on saturday, says, 'everyone here wants me to fuck off-i know it'. that feeling never ever goes away... i need a brain operation. or a personality transplant!

fuck

great, another lovely suprise, just got refused a credit card, my only hope for debt transfer is fading...halifax have introduced a £1 per day fee on my overdraft and i can't pay it so i don't know what will happen now!!

not much to report

air hair lair - (oh hello but posh)

how's tricks crew?
well...the job is totally ridiculously DULL but not too bad, time goes quickly, i can't stand someone i work with and have already exchanged tense/abusive words with them, they are a DICK, take it from me, there is no blame on my part. First meeting i had with this person they said to me, 'i'm acid tongued, it's something you'll have to get used to.' for acid tongued read-boring but also very rude. they are now my......ENEMY!
anyway, they are the only factor which makes work unpleasant. it's the work party tomorrow, it's all paid for and that, but i am pretty sure i won't go... i will only have a drink and start on said cockmuncher.
i'm watching a ww2 film and dirk bogarde just said to a yarkshire skivvy who was playing the harmonica in the plane hanger as bogie thought about his imminent death 'don't polish that too much, you don't want it to taste bad' to which yarkshireman replied 'it's already tasting pretty fruity sir'.
come on? that is well funny! i'm not immature!

did a craft fair yesterday, was a complete disaster, i made more at the open studios, not only was it very quiet but it was all old ladies who didn't want to buy anything, our stall looked amazing too, covered in lovely stuff and all twinkly with fairy lights, we've got another one in a fortnight, not sur if i can cope with that being a disaster too!!

me and chloe had a really really lovely short jaunt down to grandma's last week. she has a new dog, Bernard, from a dog shelter, he's pretty old and very funny, his legs and arse are really really skinny and his legs don't really support him so he does the splits and falls over a lot and he has to sit down to wee, of course grandma has him on a human diet of weetabix and tea for brekkie so he's on course for fattening up. i honestly never ever feel happier anywhere than with chlo and grandma, at grandma's house. I missed it so desperately on the way home i was totally distraught. had to leave a day early to get back to work as the other temp absolutely would not swap with me, turned out she was off sick! she could have swapped and then not even done it!!

bogie and the others are singing round the pianaaa, the men are taking it in turns to dip their feet in paint and lie on top of the piano and make foot prints on the ceiling now. crazy lads.

got a late shift tonight which is the worst one, there till 8 even though the shop shuts at 530. won't be home till after 9 :(

not too much to report, just ticking along, selling celeb biographies and doing lots of staring, wishing christmas was here already and annoyed that i can't see everyone over the holidays.

hybrid

it's been a while my friends, been very busy, worked every day this week except tues, working all weekend too :( meant to be going to Dorset next tue-thurs, but the girl who i can swap shifts with still wont give me an answer as to whether she will! VERY frustrating, i ask her every time i see her, it's getting really embarrassing now! she just goes 'i doooont knoooo' ARGH!

so anyway, the new job, it's as imagined, i didn't predict how much it would make my legs absolutely kill though, not sitting down all day, it's unbearable! also not being able to drink is awful too, i need coffee consistently between 9-11, and there's a costa in there tempting me all the time... the people are okay, the customers are actually generally really nice, which i wasn't expecting, probably because my only retail experience is bar work, where 90% of people are unbearable... the staff are okaaay, there are one or two people who are really nice, one who is annoying and the rest are just a bit dull, the main thing is, everyone thinks i look 20 so they all patronise me then the horrific fear that they are all LOADS younger than me, like, 19 and stuff, is too upsetting to me so i never ask how old and play up to being about 20...

most people are buying books for their grandchildren, so i like them, it's sweet. Overall, I just fucking HATE retail, it's horrible. Bring back libraries, bring back 2nd hand bookshops, down with 500 copies of clarkson.

I did start wondering as i stood and stared at it, who gets the royalties for Mein Kampf? i typed it into google, it's like the 2nd most common question, apparently in england it used to go to charity, in america i think the publisher keeps it now. anyway, sorry for that diversion, it's just on my induction day someone asked, 'what happens if you have to sell a book you disagree with like mein kampf' an the man said : 'just say- it's not somthing that i've read, but it is very well written and a definitive book on the subject' i was literally SO gobsmacked that i sat with my mouth open for about 10 minutes, it's become a bit of a family joke now...

anyway, had open studio on weds, where you open up your studio and people come and look round, was pretty good, also tiring, i'm glad i did it though, some people were very nice (mostly kids) and i even sold a few bits, some people were really pissed up on free booze and wouldn't leave, it's weird having people in your studio, it's like having strangers in your house! ithink i was a pretty good host though! schmoozing! telling everyone about the Grolar bear, it's a NEW SPECIES, apparently a Polar and Grizzly bear have mated, as they are going south/north to feed as their food runs low (global warming as always) and they have MATED and created a new species, a grolar, I hope it wasn't a prank, cause i have told everyone, wait, i'm going to look it up... i just checked, it IS real, it's not THAT new either, but more common now...

i just looked up 'Hybrid animals' on wikipedia, get these:

Liger:lion/tiger

WOLPHIN-whale/dolphin (???!!)

oh, the rest are rubbish, sorry to get your hopes up! LATERS

work slave

hello, started the jooob yesterday, was all very jolly, apart from the fact that i took my antibiotics in the morning without eating, so i was violently sick on the way there at the train station...got a wee bit worried but managed to force a coke down which cured me, i think it's psychosematic, but it was treated like a form of medicine in my house for upset stomach, so it always works on me... when i had pneumonia they did an x ray of my lungs and the x ray lady started freaking out about this black cloud on the x ray, it turned out to be some coke that my ma had forced down me thinking i was probably suffering from a bad belly or something, was pretty funny anyway, sorry about that diversion, i think i like it as a job, chatting about books and so on, it's mostly grannies buying books for their grand-kids which is my favourite kind of person, so i think i will get on well, seemed to pick it up pretty quickly i think, and i've always loved the feeling of a bookshop, very calming...my library experience helps a lot, i know which books go with which other ones, although there are 2 secret 'erotic' sections which i never knew existed on the high street...ooh errr...

already sold my first f-ing clarkson too, as predicted!

hmmm what else....got loads to do this week, just did the BBC big personality test by the way, has anyone else done it? it said i was 50% extrovert and 50% neurotic, thanks a lot, didn't need a test to tell me i was mental, with a totally incompatible personality defect, incompatible with my own self that is.

got open studios on wednesday, gonna try and sell some stuff so i'd better get cracking along to the studio and get busy, got work every day of the week apart from today!! I know!! i'm such a hard worker! :) best thing is, my last day is the 23rd so i can enjoy christmas and new year and not even bother worrying about getting back to work...it's like being at school!

sorry to rub it in and all... :)

lots of shiz

well well, the blog is becoming sparse, i can't believe that it's true but i am actually really pretty busy, i am at the studio until evening then dinner then bed... no afternoons of gazing as there were in the library :( but also :)

been feeling a bit weirdly ill this week...like how you feel when you have a cold rearing itself on the horizon, a bit spaced out, a bit hot-cold, kind of weak and lazy... passed on every opportunity for socialising which i feel bad about now, but just have a a massive feeling of 'can't be fucked' about me... may have something to do with Sunday's sesh, drinking makes me mad for ages these days, plus it lets in all the evil germs by lowering your immunity... also mum and gaby both have really really bad swiners, totally flu-ed up to the max bed-ridden style, and part of me feels like i have it creeping in after seeing them both last week... bloody swine flu jab, it's taking them SO long to do it everyone will have had it by the time they get it, I'm having mine on the 6th or something, but I'm lucky , the next one after that was in january. They get paid £5.50 for every patient they give the jab to, mum says they're harassing her to get it, although, she has swiners now so it would have been pointless anyway.

Been at the doctors loads lately, not for illness per se but because the Dr here is really insistent on checking you practically every time you need your prescription. I can't express how frustrating "asthma checks" are, you HAVE to go, or they withhold your medicine (although Simon tells me this is breach of practice) then they say 'ooh let me tell you how asthma works' and last time it was 'are you suuuureee you haven't had a pneumonia jab?' i was saying 'no, i have never heard of it' 'hmmmm are you suuuree,you must have, you have, have you had asthma long?' 'no, not too long, 22 years, and pneumonia too now F OFF' that's the story.

It's amazing actually living with someone who works for the NHS, and more than that, the PCT (Primary Care Trust) who deal with GPs and all the non-emergency stuff, it is all SO SO cynical, it's awful, it makes you look at everything differently, suspiciously, it's like eating the blue (or red?) pill in the Matrix and suddenly you can see the truth, the Dr gets paid for everything by the government- giving you a blood test, giving you an immunisation, any kind of check-asthma, anti-depressants, or anything, talking to you about stopping smoking, referring you to any kind of service-weight loss, smoking, anything, everything is done because they get paid per person, per service, it's so depressing!

preparations for the winter fairs are going okay, been lino printing a lot, have had to give up on pom-poms cause i can't make them, even though they are what children make the first time they ever make anything...

Wakey is looking great, best I've ever seen it, there's a German Christmas Market here, all little log cabins all through town, and little carousels and stuff it really looks great, the hot chestnut man has even put some gold tinsel round his doggy's neck! He's here all year, it must be make or break for him at christmas? get the money in quick!

Oh! and the big BAD news is that suddenly and without any warning my right eye has gone totally blurry, clutching my 'free eye test' voucher from mum's radio times I went and had an eye test and awaited the usual 'wow, your vision is PERFECT, you could be a fighter pilot' that I always get (;)) I was instead informed that I needed GLASSES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MY EYES ARE THE ONLY BIT THAT WORK!!!!!!WWWWHHHHYYYYY??????!!!!!! they aren't for wearing all the time, just for watching telly, cinema, stuff like that, so basically, ALL THE TIME! I have since formed a theory that he was tricking me and I shouldn't have fallen for it, but he caught me when i was down... I sat in the little chair with the evil scientist glasses that they put on you to test your eyes just exhaling over and over again, "No WAAYy..no, are you sure? NOO WAY." absolutely determined that there was some sort of mistake. Simon has found it all very funny. So after stumbling downstairs to deal with the face wear I was confronted with the utter embarrassment of having to deal with the saleswoman and explain that I had to get the absolute cheapest model that there was...ignoring all her advice for coated lenses, or frames that may suit me, I made a beeline for the cheap pairs, of which there were about 6, tried on 2 or 3 constantly sating 'it looks so wrong, how can i choose?' how could i choose??? it's not like buying a top, don't know what glasses look good on me? they ALL look rubbish! Took the first pair i saw, they are like generic "glasses" like granny specs, they are cheap and they look cheap.

so, while i await their construction in an evil lab, I must cobble together £89(I KNOW! CHEAPEST POSSIBLE!) to pay for the bastards. I am doing this by trying to borrow scraps of money from each member of my family without telling the others, unfortunately dad and mum are poorer than me, and considering i have NO income, that's pretty poor...

had a dream last night that i was in a mafia film with gerard depardieu where people were getting their heads cut off and boiled up, i was in it, i got shot, but i was also saying to everyone ' don't watch it it's really scary' it was weird, i was in it and acting it out but it was definitely a film i was watching. it was horrifically violent and bloody though, i really questioned my own psyche this morning, for about a minute.

aaannnnywayy....hope i can see everyone at christmas, i am working at my temp job in a bookshop beginning with 'W' till the 23rd, this time of year always makes me think of my old friends.

monday monday

hello hello, sorry for the long absence, went back to the bridge for a hospital app about the old back, headed back up to wakey early on friday, realised that I had forgotten my keys when i arrived at the station, like a big berk, buzzed at the studios and borrowed a key, stayed there till simon had finished work and went to meet him in the rain and dark to do some shopping... barely had time to put the shopping away before the ceremonial arrival of Olivia, our guest of honour! Made a mass of veggie chilli and watched all the shitty telly possible, including Peter Andre the next chapter, which was literally mind bogglingly exploitative, including an agonizing scene where a very sick child was brought to him at his perfume launch in order for him to grace it with his personality and fame...aaahh...went to Hobbycraft on Saturday, experienced the horror of parking in a tiny car park that services loads of massive shops, it was pretty bloodthirsty! came home and got down to making decorations and brooches, at ten o clock we decided to go for a pint, simon had been working all day and we felt we deserved a treat... went to the black rock, then the hop, as we were leaving we ran into someone from the socialists who we followed to the Graziers, a pub i'd never been to, and described by my friend as 'rough as fuck', well, to cut a long story short, we made it home at 5AM!!! none of us can work out how this happened!!! there was a certain element of drunken rampaging, and me and liv even did KARAOKE?! Little Lies by Fleetwood Mac, bloody hell!! Aaannyway, needless to say, sunday was somewhat a wash out, although we improved it by watching The Day Today for about 3 hours, and thankfully simon cooked bangers and mash which fixed us up. Took liv to her train, very sad :( passed out at about 10.
gonna go out and see if i can get my eyes tested, my right eye has gone a bit blurry lately, at least the rain has let up, although my marathon boozing sesh has left me feeling like a tender lamb so i may need to wrap up and put on shades while i tiptoe out...start my new job next monday so i've gotta make the most of this week chillaxing, i think i shall begin now with a Private Eye read and perhaps a mid morning nap?

break

hi all, had a mental week, got a job until chritmas eve! anyway, i'm off to cambridge now for a hospital appt. so blog will resume Friday

friday

don't have much to say today. lot's of sad things going on, someone who i've known all my life is in hospital about to die, mum and lal are with her but it's all very sad. It's someone who I saw all the time for about the first 15 years of my life, and less frequently over the last 10, I don't think I can visit her cause it's too shocking, but that is cowardice. She's had a very hard life. anyway. that's enough, back monday.

gingers

not much to report, only left the house once, to buy milk and ginger biscuits. Watched 'keep the aspidistra flying' and murder she wrote AND diagnosis while sewing things for the xmas craft fairs i'm doing... interrupted only by a policeman who wanted to know if i could tell him the no. of a flat that overlooked a car that got smashed up last friday....it's all go round here... couldn't draw yesterday, i'd actually drawn my hand into a little claw with too much drawing, gonna go in a minute, i'm getting withdrawal symptoms for it!

watched andrew marr rabbiting on on his new programme, the making of modern britain or something, it's been done about a million times whatever it is, does anyone watch it? it's SO annoying, he does these little accents for EVERYONE, even though he has no basis for them, he has now idea how they spoke but he does them for the americans, the women, the cockneys, it's unbearable, i was cringing my face into a ball!! never mind the buzzcocks is shit since amstell left too,bbc, you are FOOs! in fact, CBBC is the best thing on BBC i can say that now i'm unemployed cause i get to see it, there's a programme about a little sheep who goes to school, done in the style of AArdman animation, it's great, they all speak different according to what they are, the owl goes 'hoootehoothootee' and the bird are like 'lalalaaalala' but it is real good.

oh well, i'm off to the studio to draw my head off, i can feel a definite cold here in my throat... arses, i'll take the ginger tea....and the ginger biscuits...

red rose

well, had a crazy day yesterday, went to the studio about 12 and ended up staying there till 7:30pm, my hand was actually killing loads from drawing, i had to keep flexing it and poking it.

I am pretty convinced that there's a ghost in my studio now, my kettle kept boiling itself.... then when i realised that that's what it was I went over and opened the top and it was making the most violent ceaseless noise of boiling, for ages, even though it was nearly empty and i had unplugged it, so yes, i have a steamy ghost... :( It's actually really scary at the studios when it gets dark, and no one is around, it's an old coaching inn, so there's gonna be loads of ghosts there, old leathery hats and straggly hair, that kind of ghost, maybe some horse ghosts too? who knows.

anyway, I am scared there in the dark.

went straight on to the Black Rock to see the socialists, not a penny in my pocket so convinced i'd be home by 830, unfortunately, for the first time ever, people were insistently and kindly buying my booze, so it turned into a stroll to the Red SHed and a long chat with more booze, listening to stories about work colleagues who wash their hair with DAz, and playing up my Southern-ness just for fun! Didn't get home till nearly midnight, hadn't eaten nearly all day so I crammed a medicinal piece of toast into my mouth and crept into bed next to Simon feeling slightly ashamed of myself, did all the washing up and hoovering and even MOPPING today as recompense for my mid-week sesh, i'm not really guilty, but any boozing makes me feel guilty now, i'm too old f'rit. Plus i think I said a few quite stupid things...? which is embarrassing... They really aren't used to women at ALL. there's all that 'lady present' stuff from some contingents when people swear, and yesterday when i expressed my dislike of cats, someone said, "I thought ALL girls liked cats?" which contains about 6 offensive things just in itself. I made them regret that comment I tell you...

I actually miss Cambridge a bit, well not really, just miss my mum probably. It's f-ing windy as f here which is rubbish, plus all the god leaf-turning phases have passed now. Tonight is mischief night so i'm going to batton down the hatches (?what?is that right?) Oh is is It has a nautical origin and 'battening down' was done on ships when bad weather was expected.

there you go, sorry, lost my font there for a minute!

AANnnyway, i am sure you can't sit around reading this and having fun all day!

contemplating applying for a learn-on-the-job teaching course, it's the last resort,they're advertising for an Art one. should i? I dunno. I wandered round the town centre contemplating which of the christmas temp jobs to apply for, could i wok in GAme? i was wondering, even though I know nothing and don't care? The jobs that I am contemplating and applying for are literally shocking. there is NOTHING. I am so desperate. ho hum.

laters.

broke

today on jk, a man thinks his girlfriend is cheating because she told him she'd weed herself on the minitramp at a house party and he found her with her pants off. It's time for me to stop watching it. it's the natural time.
fucking hell, i just flicked onto channel 4 and saw a man put a dead rabbit from the road into a wheelbarrow, then cut to him putting it into a shredder!it's 9:57 am!! bloody rank!
had a pretty sweet weekend, can't remember it already...spent most of it in bed watching dvds and reading, Simon excitedly read the new Adrian Mole book within 24 hours, carved a pumpkin on sat, unfortunately my pound shop knife-through-head leaked it's fake blood down my ear, still, it was all very jolly fun!!!
Saw Fantastic Mr Fox yesterday, the animation was really nice, it was pretty weird but good, they'd changed it so much that you didn't compare it to the book, so that made it bearable, cause it's a sweet book, and I couldn't imagine how they could do it with American's, it's so english, I used to have it on tape when I was little, yep...Boggis and Bunce and Bean, one short, one fat, one lean.

things are going pretty good at the studio, spent a lot of time there last week, getting into the groove of things, they are in lots of financial trouble, I went to a meeting on Thurs for studio holders and trustees, they have a rescue plan, I really hope it works, it'd be bloody typical if it all shut down in January, that'd be the final straw! Meeting was pretty ball aching, it got quite aggressive at points, I was sitting next to the person who really couldn't control their anger, it was making me feel quite sick actually!

now on jk there's a man who is so paranoid about his wife cheating that he puts a dictaphone in the bedroom to check she doesn't cheat on him when she goes to check on their baby.

lots of bonfire excitement in wakey coming up, they have a thing in Yorkshire on 4th Nov called 'Mischief night', sounds cheeky and lovely doesn't it, basically it involves every young person putting fireworks in phoneboxes so all the glass shatters out, setting them off in the road, lobbing eggs at people and every bloody other thing, so i shall be hiding in the flat. There's also Wakey beer festival this weekend, they're holding it in Lightwaves, the leisure centre... yeah, exactly! They also hold the firework celebrations on saturday, which is wrong I think, it should be ON firework night.
I LOVE Bonfire night, it's one of the only brilliant British traditions (is it british or english?) along with Boxing day, can't think of any more, pancake day, hmmm...we also celebrate 12th night in my house, but I don't know if other people do? it's where on the 12th night after christmas, when you have to take down the decorations, Jan 6th innit, you bake a little man, or a coin or whatever, into a pie, whoever gets it is queen/king for the night, although in my house it was rigged every year so Chloe was queen... Anyway, I do just love the idea that we celebrate the occasion of the foiling of the most dramatic terrorist plot ever by following it through to a successful exploding celebration, Guy Fawkes was from York in face, Guido, that was his real name, they still have records of his signature before, and after, torture, it's chilling. I am pretty sure the other plotters managed to blow themselves up by mistake when they were sieged trying to run away? I'll have to verify that... You can go to Guido's house in York, it's a really amazing pub/inn, it's totally dark, lit by candles, all original wooden furniture, really uncomfy, brill! We had some hot buttered rum there last christmas time! great!

In Lewes in Sussex, they have the biggest firework display in Europe, they have an exploding Pope, it's meant to be really scary, I really wanna go...
anyway, lots to do, can't decide what to do, just did mammoth washing up, had a really bad back this weekend, semi-paralysed bad, gave me a mad nightmare last night that I couldn't walk, so I'd better go out and check...

shit. my bank account is empty, the e bay money has dried up finally. well, it was a good week while it lasted...buying the guardian...having a bOUGHT coffee...even a couple of BEERS! I have been going wild, back to the cage of poverty for me!

forts...

well, after the excitement of the big draw, yesterday i was a lazy bitch, i accidentally fell asleep reading Private Eye and woke up at 1:30pm, by then I decided I may as well hang about the house in my pants, have a sandwich, and watch Murder She Wrote, I had 2 bad nightmares which had caused me to awake feeling depressed, so I wasn't in the mood for any kind of self-improvement... headed for the studio after Jessica Fletcher had wrapped it up, encountered the phantom pisser in the alleyway on Wednesday, it was an old alcoholic man, as Simon had predicted, he said that addictive people had quite a routine homing instinct, which has proven to be completely true, this man urinated on the top step of the alleyway that you have to use to leave our flat, it's really really really disgusting, you have to creep over it every single day... anyway, I suddenly came face to face with him on wednesday, having a fag and a rest in the passage, I'm always totally terrified of encountering anyone in the alley, especially at night, it's unlit and totally terrifying, the other day there were 3 girls smoking a glass hookah pipe in there??!! sometimes there's a couple snogging in there, it's very hidden, that's it's attraction to booze hounds and teenagers, and not to me...
OH MY GOD THE LAND BEFORE TIME IS ON RIGHT NOW!!!!!
i really don't know if i can watch it!!! it's too too sad!! she just said 'some things you see with your eyes, others you see with your heart', so true, so true, god, their parents are all gonna bloody die! i can't watch!!The kids are a bit small compared to the parents, they're about as big as their parents' toenails, I can't see how they could grow that much?Peetree, the pteradactyl is the best, remember him?
Now the mum is telling the son, Littlefoot, that they must keep to their own kind...hmmm

talking of keep to your own kind, i watched that Race Experiment last night on ch. 4, even though I know that I shouldn't really, I was curious, the premise is that two groups of people are isolated from one another, those with blue and those with brown eyes, then the blue eyed people are brought in to the room, and they are treated as inferior, and bullied, and subjected to humiliation by the brown eyed people, to get a taste of what it feels like to be of an ethnic minority in Britain today.
(the mum dinosaur is fighting a t-rex and is wounded, also the earth is splitting up and lava is flying out)
anyway, (i'm turning it off now, they've all been separated by the great divide, and his mum is dying on a rock, it's unbearable!) the programme was rubbish really, i think it may have gone wrong or something, for starters, it did seem a bit unfair that it was decided that these blue-eyed people needed to be taught a lesson, it's quite presumptive, but then having thought that, I was proved completely wrong by the fact that they were very indignant about being there, and angry, but were almost all saying casually very racist stuff! I think the point that it made, that generally white people think racism in Britain is not that bad, is very true, and valid. Some people walked out, which I think was fair enough, cause the woman was totally abrasive. I also don't know how helpful it was to portray the brown eyes as 'victims' which they literally were called over and over again.

anyway, on that theme, there's a demonstration tomorrow against the English Democrat party who are having a march against so-called "Islamification" tomorrow in Leeds (that's gonna go down well) so the anti-fascists and the socialists etc will be there to shut their stupid faces...
I'm looking forward to another lazy weekend, we bought a pumpkin to carve and to make some lovely soup, and I bought me and Rowey each a crazy headset from the pound shop which we can wear all sat evening while we stare at our pumpkin, he has a knife-through-head set up and i have a bright green bat on a hairband, sweet eh?


ok well i'm off, gonna treat myself to the wakefield express and the guardian today-!! I know!! and head 0f to le studio, i also need to continue my quest to find a firework display.
bon weekend!

time for an adventure

helloooo helooow
wow, jeremy just dealt with a really difficult couple! he got there in the end though! oh no, they're talking about bereavement after the break, i'm watching CBBC now instead, it's a programme where kids have to do challenges and one of them is a secret saboteur, if they get spotted then they are locked into a computer graphic room, like Knightmare from the 80's, it was my biggest dream of my life to go on knightmare, it was totally impossible to understand what was going on, i only ever remember one person winning in the whole history of the programme, at the moment the kids are deciding if a horse can vomit, apparently they can't, now they're finding out that some turtles breathe through their bottoms, anyway, as far as i remember, when you won knightmare after what seemed like months of going on you just got a scroll, it was so disappointing...

i am really in the mood for an adventure today, spent so long in the studio yesterday, the big draw was a big success, all the paper was covered, lots of it by angry scribbling from me, and the music was pretty good too, despite myself i really enjoyed the bloody lute! might have to get some lute music on cd?
went to the pub for a pint after the draw which was nice, very unusual to have a drink on a weekday, got a taxi back to save myself the terror of the unlit alleyway walk home...
oooh what adventure shall i have??? the world is my oyster, and yet, i don't eat shellfish, or any fish...
i'm gonna pack a napsack like dick whittington and head off!

fings!

here are some pics from the Yorkshire sculpture park, the greatest place ever.
here's an Anthony Gormley on a dead tree stump, I love this sculpture



Here's some brand new graffiti from RIGHT next to my flat, it's the phantom political graf artist who has graced us with such slogans in the past as "I AM THICK CAUSE I DON'T RECYCLE"...

hello hello,

not much to report as i m off out to the studio, started a book yesterday which i am reasonably hopeful about so for once i am excited to get going!

wakey has been a bit depressing lately, half term doesn't help, bloody kids everywhere in great big swarms, yesterday i walked towards two men who were kicking a live pigeon down the street like a tin bloody can, the day before i saw a couple, about my age, laughing hysterically at an old woman who was standing still and not moving in the Ridings, i didn't ask her if she needed help which made me feel awful later, people failing to respect older people makes me so sad and so furious, i was so close to shouting at that couple, probably get stabbed or something.

today's the big draw, the studios are putting up paper and there'll be music, you just come along and draw, that's the idea, from 5-9, not sure how much of it i will endure... depends on the music i suppose, i know there is going to be a lute...

anyway, e bay is going pretty well, made £150 off the lego and coat that i sold so it's keeping the studio paid for, that's the main thing, total hand-to-mouth existence, have to try and earn enough to pay studio and phone and bank fees each month, it always seems like it can't happen at the start of the month, but seems to work out so far...? dec isn't looking so promising...

anyway, i guess i should be off, going to celebrate e bay by perhaps buying myself a bonafide coffee from a franchised outlet! i'm nervous just writing it!

bought a pumpkin too, so at least that'll get me in the spirit of things!

kylers mcwylers

hello hello, it's me-e, back with the same drivel, or as i was informed on my birthday drinks, by my friends, "complaining" which is apparently all i use this blog for! Honestly, what do you expect?!

well, i have to wait for JK today to get to the bottom of the accusations, the lie-detector results will be in...



i am currently watching Donny and Marie Osmond talking about their new las vegas show, they are literally terrifying...they confirm all my suspicions about mormons...the mormons behind my house in cambridge have been behaving even more suspiciously than ever lately...what with those biiiig gates that never open... they've been on a real recruitment drive lately around cambridge, they send out 2 lads of identical height, american, wearing suits, to knock on doors, i see them everywhere... you know if you're a mormon you aren't meant to drink tea or coffee? Someone i worked with at my old job was a mormon, he told me loads of stories about how if someone giving you trouble, the mormons will come over and 'sort them out' and then they won't give you any more and stuff...like the mafia...



cripes. there's someone on telly who sells avon, which incidentally is advertised everywhere, she earns £250,000 a year!!!! i am literally filling that application in NOW.



watched that programme about race and intelligence last night, eugenics is the most evil, sick concept ever created, the programme was quite depressing and didn't really say anything new. IQ is pointless and totally related to nurture not nature. yes.



JK is on...we're gonna find out if the brother nicked 40 grand and some guns....I predict yes...they are crims anyway i think....

hmmm i would probably have to start wearing make-up if i were to become an avon representitive...for 250grand, i'll do it!

oh, turns out he blaters did steal the money, they did the longest lie-detector test ever, 2 hours, and his lips are quivering...he did 7 tests...they all didn't work because he refused to say 'NO' and insisted on saying, 'No Lady'-!!

now to see if her boyfriend is cheating, they've been together 7 months! unbelievable! you barely know someone after that time! if i was that worried about my boyfriend cheating after 7 months i'd just dump them!

yeah he cheated loads with everyone, as predicted.

cripes, there are NO jobs, AT ALL. anyone got any ideas? i've looked everywhere, i look everyday and there is f all. seriously, any ideas welcomed pleaseeee?

anyhooo, i'm off to the studio, my new tactic is to put the heater on full blast, listen to the stereo and charge my phone, make sure i get my money's worth.

this pea head geordie is accusing his girlfriend of cheating while he was in prison, she was telling the truth for all of them, bloody women, they are so too good for stupid men, why don't they tell them to f off?

i'm off, have a good en!

not much to report...

i AM watching JK, but it's the first time in ages so give over!
a man is lie-detecting his brother because he thinks that he has stolen £40,000 and his selection of guns from a money-and-guns cabinet in his room. it's too late for it to end well i think...

had my porridge and nutella, realised i was spelling it porrige the other day, not sure what that was all about?I'm contemplating getting addicted to online Bingo? any thoughts?
had a good weekend, went to meet the socialists, it started raining pretty heavily though so i only ended up being there for 20 minutes! i only witnessed one person notice the stall and they said 'what a load of s**t'. that was the sum total of my bringing socialism to the masses on saturday...i then read the paper and had a coffee in Deli Central which is the only really lovely coffee place in wakey where they make lovely homemade YAAARKkshire fare like wee cakes and cheese from t'dales, so I like it there, even though I can't afford anything except the occassional black coff...
went to see the Grayson Perry exhibition at the Yorkshire Sculpture Park, did a long walk up to the gallery in the lovely sunshine, then by our return it was lashing with rain, it's actually really nice walking in the rain, i'd forgotten, only if you know you are going home though.
these lie detector people are gettign a load of laughs cause they have funny welsh accents, and cause the accused man is calling JK 'Mr Kyle', and bloody 'Sir' which he doesn't deserve! and makes him seem more suspicious...
I really need a haircut, I haven't had one since june 2008...that is something i can't bear to spend money on when i ain't got none...i look like a washerwoman. oh nooo, the results of the lie detector aren't until tomorrow :( dammit, i wanna know if ron stole the dosh... i'll let you know...

i went and saw the new library at CATS when i was back in cambridge, so typical, it's loads better than the one i worked in, and because it's away from the main building it's all quiet and people aren't constantly wandering in to check on you...I've got about 10 active library applications in at the moment, i NEVER hear back from any of them. I'm going to do an MA next year if things aren't looking up...i just want to do degrees forever and ever, there's about ten i want to do!! i might become an art teacher otherwise... GCSE level, not A level, i'm still scarred for life over it.
well, i've bored you enough already....sorry about that...hope it'll be a more interesting week ahead!

empty brains

phew! it's the weekend! Oh yeah, I don't have a job! Le Weekend is meaningless to me!

Biggsy I dreamed about you last night, that you and your family lived in a massive house and you were having a garden party and we were just scamping about, it was sweet.
I also dreamed that there was a creature in my room made of slime, called an Avacado Aardvark, I decided to catch it and put it in a cage cause I felt sorry for it, but when I looked it up online it turned out that it was going to gradually kill me. It was totally disgusting too.

Anyway...enough dreams...
Masterchef finished last night, so that's pretty much removed my evening structure...and YES I did watch Question Time, and NO I don't think he should really have been on the BBC, and YES the whole thing was so totally predictable that it was like having an hour of De Ja Vu. I do think that the British public have a kind of perverted fascination with the BNP, and with racism, not because they're racist, but just a kind of insatiable curiosity, everyone knows what Nick Griffin thinks and how made up all his stuff is, that indigenous British people are from after the ice age, cuckoo, he's a total loon, to be honest, the whole programme was a mixture of boring and embarrassing.

well, here's my confession, I AM watching JK, but it's the first time in AGES so come on! give a girl a breeeaaakk!!
you may be able to tell but i have nothing in my brains today...they're debating BNP on Question Time on The Wright Stuff, some posh woman is calling in to say 'i shall never watch it again!' One of the guests is saying 'I think you need to have the BNP on ALL the time, that's the way to show em' ?!

anyway this is so boring, i apologise! hope you all have a wunderbar weekend, i shall be cleaning the bathroom and making a cake, but not in that order, and not at the same time. -Unless it was a uinal cake! HAHAHAHAHA! peace out

greed indeed...

See, i've done what i ALWAYS do, i was so greedy for my porrige and it's been so long since i had some with nutella, and I was desperate for it all night last night, so what do i do this morning? i make so much that the bowl is brimming, and i eat it all until i'm having to repress a gag reflex for the last few mouthfuls, and now i'm pretty sure i never want to eat it again...
what a twatface.

i don't know if any of you have ever tried getting a night's sleep with a jab in each arm, but bloody hell, it is totally impossible. the flu jab is sore, but the pnumonia jab on my OTHER arm is frigging agony, my whole arm is dead, every time i rolled onto it i woke up and spun onto my other side and then had to spin into the middle, it was a real patchy night....ho hum, at least i'm immunised up to my eyeballs, and soon i'll be swiners resistant too, eat THAT diseases that attack the lungs!EAT MY ANTIBODIES!

well, the plan for the day is to take my graduate reader card, sneak along to leeds uni, and take full advantage of the very reasonably priced photocopying facilities, rather than return to the place i went in wakey that is not reasonably priced, and is actually quite scary!
ANYway, not really much to report... i've been really quite feckless since returning from my grand tour...it's hard to get used to real life when you've been living it up all over Poundbury, having dinner AND pudding every day...

yaaaaawwww baaaaayyybaaayy!

bonjour, c'est moi.
wow, so i've weened myself off Jeremy K almost totally, unfortunately, today I am enjoying a double bill of Airport, which is literally so distracting and brain melting that it makes JK look like fucking Don Giovanni.
At the moment it's Airport USA, they are SO much more polite than the english ones! They're all 'well, hang in there maam' in england it's 'excuse me there ain't nothing i can do about it'. there are some ghost hunters, mostly everyone is just pissed, or else they are in the bar and can't be fucked to go to their flight gate then get really tasty. These two American men are so pissed they can't stand up and keep saying that things american men say of 'yaaawww baaybaay' (baby) the ghost hunting woman is trying to pick up ghost enery in the airpost now with a little electric device, she's so excited she won't SHUT UP. she's calling the ghost sweetheart, and she says 'are you a woman?' and waits and the electric thing goes 'beep beep beep' and she goes 'thankyou sweetheart'.
so what have i done today, mostly I had some porrige, which is my favourite food in the whole world by miles, although we're on Scott's and it's not as good as Quaker (you heard it here first) also the BEST way to eat porrige is to make it with milk (I know!) then stir in a spoon of nutella, it's literally AMAZING!!!! today i had to settle for brown sugar, someone seems to have eaten the nutella...probably the person who eats it with a spoon standing in the kitchen...I'm naming no names...
I just had a flu jab AND a pneumonia jab, and i have to go back for a bloody Swiners jab in 2 weeks, which is good really cause i'm 90% sure my lungs couldn't handle swiners, just these 2 days of cold weather are making them rattle like a skeleton in a cage.

ebay selling also continues, although i seem to have managed not to know that ebay takes 10% of all you make, considering i have spent literally HOURS on it, it must tell you very discreetly! i made more than £400 last time, which was all swallowed up, but still.
gonna be doing a stall with the socialists on saturday, Youth Fight for Jobs campaign an all that.
that's pretty much it, that's me round up, weather is misty today, but not that cold, i like mist actually. I've always quite wanted to be a postie, but with all the strikes i can't do it now.

the ghost hunters have arrived at their haunted destination by the way, it's a factory, they're all so obviously making stuff up, they just got told someone committed suicide (which they weren't sure about and obv made up) and they literally inhaled with pure joy at the word 'suicide' like 'woooowwww!!!' the medium is getting channeled by a missing body part, and now he as blood on his hand! argh it's unbearable!

anyway, i'm gonna go, this is annoying even me!

i'm baaaccckkk!

I'm back from my travels! wakey to london, london to dorset, dorset to london, london to cambridge, and what a crazy time it has been indeed...

did a late night dash to Dorset in the pouring rain on friday night, with dad using his phone the whole time and overtaking on blind corners... was so brilliant to see grandma, I went and did meals on wheels with her on saturday which was pretty exciting, she's 85 and she still takes people their meals on wheels, some of them are much younger than her. went to see grandpa, who is ding really well, and eating and is so so so much less mad than everyone else in the care home. One lady sings 'how much is that doggy in the window' all day, even the sunday before when they'd had a church service, it was all she could sing, (although to be fair, when they gave my grandpa the communion wafer, he'd asked for another biscuit!) one guy, Ron, is totally trapped in a scene of his former life, he thinks he's in a train station and makes you participate because he grabs you and tries to buy a ticket and shouts at you to open the office and stuff, he was calling me June the whole time, another lady just tells everyone to shut up, and hits her bowl with her spoon over and over again, and another just shouted 'help' the whole time we were there, about 2 hours. The rest are quite paralysed, or asleep. It's very hard to imagine being stuck in a moment from your life. I was thinking, I wonder if June, or Henry, or these other people that Ron shouts at have any idea the impact they must have had on his deep psyche, or are they people he barely knew who for some reason are just stuck in that bit of his brain which is active?

watched all the usual stuff, x factor and bits of stricters, dad left on sunday and almost immediately grandma fell over on the garden path and really hit her face so we took her down to a&e, where we spent most of the afternoon, and grandma got very impatient to leave, we held her down and she was looked at very thoroughly and deemed to be okay, but to expect headaches and a huge shiner, both of which she got in abundance over the next few days.

went to see grandpa again, with chloe this time, she was also very happy at how much he's improved compared to when he was in the hospital and they had simply drugged him into a stupor, he's lovely, and so loving to grandma, Ron was going crazy and being really aggressive that day and grandpa was sticking up for everyone. The staff all love him loads, cause he's so well mannered and charming. I love him loads and loads and loads. We fed him some choc and went home to relax.

Grandma was getting delivery of a very old labrador who is was babysitting for two weeks, Murphy, so that added more excitement to our lives, and grandma immediately started corrupting his careful diet by feeding him tea on the grounds that 'all dogs love tea' and lumps of ham. Chloe formed a close bond with Murphy that mainly involved her singing 'i love you' to him while she was cooking but unfortunately culminating in him biting her on the wrist as she tried to persuade him to have a wee before bed :( they made friends though...

anyway. went back to london 1st class (it was cheaper!) which was exactly the same as standard class in all but colour, but was quiet and the seats reclined about 1 1/2 inches.

chloe was on the night shift so i tried to stay awake and watch come dine with me on 4od but caved in about 2am. Got the cach back to Cam which was very comfortable and cost £3 soI thoroughly recommend it. Plus you can people watch all through london.

did nowt all weekend and here i am, monday in wakey!

didn't get the job i interviewed for by the way...so i am back at square 1. applied for about another 10 including Leeds ice rink, gonna apply for tk maxx x mas staff too..... the 2 degree thing is most definitely working against me, the only 2 interviews i've had it's been a real point of tease-making and is obviously a problem. ooohh balls...

my new obsession after Planet Earth is Private Life of Plants, the 90's avid Attenborough sensation, I thoroughly recommend it, even if just to see a caterpillar making a wigwam out of a leaf! bloody amazing!!

lots of thoughts.

Hi there, it's me, taking time out from my celebrity friends to write a blog to you all, you lucky people...!

Not much been going down, went to a job interview yesterday in Leeds, the far, far end of Leeds. Took quite a while to get there, the map indicated a short brisk walk from Headingley station, the reality was miles and miles up a steep hill, I had to leap into a taxi when I realised that I was going to be late, the driver was very kind and charged me hardly anything on the basis that i was going to an interview and needed all the help I could get! It was raining and raining yesterday, of course the sun broke for the 15 minutes that I was walking fast, so I arrived at the interview sweating and boiling!

As for the interview, I can honestly say that it went as well as it could have, so if I don't get it then I must concede because it was a very good interview.

It was funny to be in Leeds at the uni area, seeing all the students, nothing has changed, only the uniform, everyone dressed exactly the same when I was there, they still do, only now it's wet-look leggings and scruffy pumps, in my day it was neon plastic jewelery and pointed toe shoes of any description. The boys are even worse. I kept seeing someone who I thought was the same person, but it was loads of different people I realised, there was a crew of them around me at the station, saggy beanie hat, massive joggers worn so low down that you can see all of the pants, and make out the bits, cardy and white vest, oh and a shoulder bag worn so low that it's on the arse. bloody fools. also, they all talk in exaggerated 'street' talk thinly veiling a posh london accent. ooohh. I was thinking everyone must think i'm a student, but i'm so old! I can't believe I did a degree, the world my oyster, all my ideas about my future, here i am, 7 years later, begging my uni to let me clean student halls. things don't work out how you think, no siree...

well, i am off to le studio. I've made myself sad now which was silly, things have changed a lot since i started at leeds, mainly, when i was a leeds i was miserable, drinking all the time, had no sense of myself whatsoever, and made but 1 friend. since then i have made great friends, the kind of which i had never imagined, i have started drawing, which is something that i was absolutely positive i'd never do again when i was at leeds, and i live with simon. so things are fine really. pretty much.

i would love a doggy though!

gonna go up t'copy centre and make some pics for my granny, i'm off to see her Fri and I can not wait. it's been delayed over and over cause of the fucked up summer. Hopefully the Christmas display will be up at the Poundbury Garden Centre! Gonna see Grandpa too, I miss him very much and worry about him. When I last saw him there was a woman at the care home who was creeping round calling everyone 'bugger'(in a Dorset accent) so i hope she's kept clear of him or i'll duff her up.

images of the weekend

trees which have eyes!!

a VERY small sample of the AMAZING dahlias, i took about 200 photos!!







and of course......me and Paddy, taken by the fair hand of Richard Ayode!!

i'm in love

crazy weekend, momentous in many ways. went to Burton with Rowey on fri am. as he had a dentist appt so we stayed at his mum and dad's and he showed me around his hometown of Burton, which was pretty crazy, not how I imagined at all. It is totally dominated by breweries though, which I did imagine. We went past the Marmite factory too which was sweet! It really smelled of marmite mmmm. Then comes the momentous part of the weekend, i MET PADDY CONSIDINE!! my number one most fancied and loved actor!! I fucking MET him!! got his autograph, had a chat, oh my god, he was SO SO nice, I asked if I could take a photo and he said ONLY if I was in it!! The other thing was that he was having lunch with Richard Ayode, probably one of my other most loved men in the world! what are the chances?! anyway. they are emotions which I can not convey here so I won't try. Just imagine the celebrity who you love the most, then imagine meeting them, well that was it for me. bloody hell! I screamed for about 10 minutes when i got back to the car!

Went looking around for Burton's other famous celeb, Oswald Mosely's house, so we could wee on it or at least throw some rubbish over, he does seem to hold a kind of respect around Burton, which is pretty creepy, we went past a Mosely primary school for example, which seems pretty astounding to me! your kid with Mosely on her chest, off to school...it ain't right.

went on to cambridge where we were totally lazy and just chillaxed, played Professor Layton a lot on the DS, watched telly, was pretty nice. Saturday we went to town, mooched about in John Lewis, almost burst a fucking blood vessel in total frustration at how annoying people in Cambridge are. It's three fold, one: the pavments are tiny, two: there are far too many people everywhere, three: no one has ANY consideration for anyone else... everyone stands still across the pavement so you have to push your mum into the gutter and sidle along next to her, bloody hell it's annoying.

Watched 'Far From the Madding Crowd' , hadn't seen it since Mrs Smiley's class in year 10. Not sure why we watched it then anyway, we didn't study the text?! ANyway, it's pretty great, got it on LoveFilm, I love Thomas Hardy, he's becoming one of my best.

On Sunday we went to Anglesey Abbey to see the Dahlias, I must admit they were totally amazing, mum read out all the names and I took loads of photos, only downside of the experience being that a little boy lobbed a stick into my eye, ho hum! pleasure and pain!

went off to the garden centre as I have become determined to own some lavender. I need some plants now I have no garden. It's nicer anyway, I'd only worry about them and feel sad for them if they were outside and there was a storm or something! Now I can talk to them and keep them safe! Got rosemary and lavender plants and loads of cacti off mum. sweet.

anyway. loads to do today, got more clothes to e bay, loads of vintage ones off mum. got a job interview tomorrow for a cleaning job at leeds uni, at the halls that are miles away from the uni! arse! if i did get it, i'd be travelling the same amount as i was working each day!! still, beggars can't be choosers, it's be £100 a week, i think there's be no tax either cause it's too small earnings?

ok, i've rambled on enough. catch you on the flipside...

AAANNYYway... Continued on to Cambridge

BANKFUCKINGBASTARDS

HALIFAX YOU FUCKING BAAAASTARDSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

another £65 charge.
i can't even explain HOW much money that is to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! that's about 2 months worth of my spending money.
rang them up as usual, fucking pointless, as usual. GOd they have some nerve. They are in about 20 bajillion quid debt and they reckon they can patronise you over £2 that went over cause they process your transfers so slowly that you never get your money in time... bastards.

so, the day has begun with incalculable FURY. I've been pretty relaxed lately too (well, for me i have) now i'm just thinking of all the things i could do with £65. new boots, 2 separate return train tickets home, 2 dinners out with some wine, ten trips to the cinema. and so on.
filled in another complaint letter for the bank to send off, try and get there before the ruling about unfair charges is announced, which it looks like they will LOSE. It's amazing they can even hold face! everything is pointing to them being legitimately recognised as charlatans, not even mentioning the recession that they caused.

SO, went and saw the Socialists last night. Chatting about the Labour conference and stuff. Fucking hell, I REALLY believe in what they stand for, but I do feel disheartened by the lack of people who seem to care about it, and by the kind of vagueness that surrounds the whole thing. There needs to be much more walk and much less talk...it makes you want to scream. Why don't people swing to the left now that capitalism has been SO exposed lately? No one thought it could fail but it keeps failing, everyone. Imagine nationalisation, it's easy ifff you trryyy...I just don't understand the basic lack of understanding that we can all benefit each other, everyone wins, it just seems so obvious, but people need to demand it. I do feel slightly that they want me there cause i'm a young(ish) woman, they keep saying stuff like 'liiikkee attracts liiikee' to me which makes my feminist bile rise up a bit. Having said that, they are all very nice, and it's very heartening to see 18 year olds who care about socialism, never thought i'd see that. Certainly no one cared much for politics in my home town, except when we were pissed up at about 2 am, Bolloticks as it's known by Viz.

went to the studio early yesterday, about 8:30, went drawing in wakey museum too, unfortunatley i just couldn't draw yesterday, nothing was flowing. maybe cause i am such a wimp that everytime someone came in the room i went all red and packed all my stuff away! twathole!

got the ArtWalk tonight, it's a thing where every venue in wakefield that associates itself with the arts open their doors late and put on refreshments and exhibitions and people roam through town and peruse it all, it's very popular, i think it's been going less than a year and 300+ people do it. I may open my studio next month during it, who knows...

oh well, best be off, powered by injustice and fury is shall march to the post office and send some e bay. Got a tip off that I may get an interview for a job but don't wanna jinx it.

ps.

This was my birthday present to myself...4 men from Scope, the man on the left a)has a tattoo b) kung-fu kicks, c) does a karate chop and d) has tiny feet. the 2 men on the right are weird brothers or something, and as for our man in the hat...his attire speaks for itself...

I'm BAAAACK!!

Hello, hello, I am returned after the birthday week, some spent in cambridge, some here in wakey, it is very strange to be in the flat with no company, had chloe here all week and many more over the weekend, it's been a full house with airbeds and porridge and lots of late night watching of Kerry Katona: Crazy in Love and What Katie did Next, oh yes, it's truly been glory days this week.

Got some amazing presents, from everyone, including a handmade Tatty Devine necklace from Chloe that says ROSE with a thunderbolt, bloody sweet, and a sewing machine from lally if you can believe anything so totally amazing!! great clothes off mum and liv and lots and lots of treats off the Rowe, audio books and moomin books and everything good!

Made loads of teeny triangle sandwiches and made my own birthday cake, called an Il Diplomatico, it's basically like a tiramisu but with chocolate mousse in the middle and had a Saturday of playing Wii and awarding most medals to Simon... Chloe played and fought HARD for the Streetfighter II title, spurred on by the prizes that we had picked up in Scope earlier in the week, after a long and painful fight, she claimed the prize, leaving rowey wallowing in defeat....it was exciting to say the LEAST!!

went to Hansa's for the big birthday dins on Sat, had the set feast and it did not disappoint...nooo sireee, then soireed to the North Bar and had a tasting platter of ale, m+d went to go to sleep and we headed of for a night on the wakey tiles which included a) a run in with one of the wakey socialists and his friend who looked about 10, b) a brief gander around RFLEX and c) a shimmy in Escobar.

Clattered home and did my usual thing of passing out while i was talking, awoke feeling pretty rough (although NOTHING on the roughness i felt after my night out in Cambridge...I slept until 7pm last Sunday and still had a stinker on Monday) but shook it off after a bit, watched the 'oaks with liv, first time i've watched it for about 10 years, i can not BELIEVE Tony is still in it!!!! I dreamt about him that he lived in a castle, he was THAT big a celebrity!!Put liv on a train at 11 . Went conkering with lal and rowey, then put lal on the train, Lal had come up on Friday but had such a bad head cold that she couldn't come for dinner and stayed in bed all weekend...

Me, rowey, chloe and rick went to the Rhubarb Triangle for a big fat roast to revive us. Had one last game of streets of rage and then everyone left, mum, dad, chlo, rick, everything looks real empty and sad now :( just been tidying up but it's too miserable, not quite sure what to do today... applied for a job this morning, should apply for some more later, god i hate it!!

Played the new Professor Layton game all evening on the DS with Simon, its this game (maybe for kids?) where you have to solve a mystery and you progress by solving hundreds of mini-puzzles, professor layton is the japanese-game-designer's idea of an english gent, he wears a top-hat all the time and says stuff like, ' aah but as an englishmon i only like the refreshment offered to me by a cup of tea' and Luke, his apprentice, is a co-ckeny urchin constantly saying 'blooiimeyy professaarr' in the Van-Dyke style. However, it is very addictive and when you can't do a puzzle for a while cause you don't understand it, it is very very upsetting, it keeps you hooked...

anyway. i DID not watch kylers today, only about 10 minutes, now i have discovered the joys of Frasier on ch4+1...

I REALLY feel like going to the cinema...but of course, i can nae afford it. gonna go and draw the conker trees i think...

i'm offski

just relaxing with JK, getting ready to head off to the bridge for the weekend...
got great tales to tell of the wakey socialists, more on that next week!
just baking a batch of homemade custard creams as a present to the crew.
catch you on mon where you can hear the results of my 78-item e bay sale, i'm on £48 so far..... come on money MORE!

lots of telly

ok, so i am weaning myself off JK, today i watched Fraiser on 4+1, BRILL so now i'm onto JK for the last 20 mins, so come on, that is progress...

there's a man with a vest and a gold necklace on, Jez is making this girl admit that she loves him. they must be pretty local to me cause there talking about a nightclub in Bingley called 'Funkys' !!

Watched an amazing Sally Jessy Raphael yesterday about Morons, sorry, mormons, makes you so uncomfortable, one guy was married to a mum, then married 2 of her daughters (who i presume were from a previous relationship?!) they kept saying that it was in the Bible to have lots of wives, cause Abraham did, but I don't think it was in the Bible that men are meant to marry 11 and 12 year olds?bloody rank.
Watched a REALLY annoying programme on BBC2 last night where these contestants get a chance to win a job with Phillipe Starck, possible the most famous designer in the whole world.
These people were unbelieveable, i literally can not believe that any of them got onto TELLY let alone were even allowed to meet Starck!!!!!! they had to go to a supermarket and choose 2 objects that represented man/woman, ecology or good design/bad design, the stuff they chose was GCSE level insight or even worse, stuff like batteries and nappies, one girl chose condoms and tampons-!!! it was amazing, he was being quite gracious but he must have been pretty infuriated, "yeah, i chose nappies cause they're bad for the environment" NO SHIT SHERLOCK! I was literally shouting at the telly, they were such a bunch of massive twats, and now they get to live in an amazing house in central Paris, aaaaaaarrrghhhhhh!!!! watch it, DON'T watch it! I'll be watching it alright...IDIOTS!

aaanyway, things are going well at the studio, got a phonecall from the Socialists last night, gonna go and meet them later, there's a big campaign against the BNP and I wanna get involved, the guy told me that they're getting more bold in this recession and have been creeping into the town centre with a campaign table for the first time ever. SO i am going to bite the bullet and enter........THE BLACK ROCK! the scariest pub in wakey centre, and meet the socialists, i think they're all beardy weirdies, and apparently there aren't any women! but it's not about that so i'm on it.
anyway. gonna finish my ebay marathon. got 48 things up, and 42 to go! that's just mum's stuff, i've got a fair bit to do aswell!Hoo MAma!
ok well, catch you on the flipside!

-:(

ok, i'm off jeremy kyle, i can see i have a problem..........................................

NOT REALLYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!
i'm on it and iiii LOVE it!!!!!!!!!!!

heroin addict mum and daughter, mad man who JK made leave the studio cause he was so mad.
it's a whopper!
got 45 things up on ebay at the moment, had to take a break now cause if it does all sell i can't post 100 things in a day...
jezza just said, 'that is scaaary maaan' to someone... -:( that's my drawing of a dickhead, sweet eh?!
had a lovely relaxing weekend doing nothing. went to leeds to try on shoes that i thought i may ask for for my birthday, none were there, plus i stupidly wore silly shoes cause it was sunny, so by the time we'd walked to wakey station i was in bloody agony and had to totter around leeds on bleeding stumps waiting outside every shop unable to proceed! i'm such a -:( (see it's in now)
made the most of the gorgeous hot weather by coming home at 3 and falling asleep until 6, although i did watch 'I shot Andy Warhol' an excellent film about a militant feminist who..yes, you guessed it, she shot andy warhol. After about ten minutes of her explaining why men are redundant genetic mistakes, simon fell asleep (can't blame him) and i followed suit after the film. There is NOthing better than a nap.
Had a lot of baths, they are LIFE GIVING. I love baths more than any other thing in the world.

Me and simon went into town yesterday and really eyed up the new Beatles Rockband game on the wii... it's £170 so there's no way, but it's nice to dream.

ok, this morning is on now, that's too rich for my blood, off it goes.
ok telly is OFF i am going to the studio NOOOW with a wee packed lunch, wish me luck!

uh oh spaghetti oooo's

uh oh, i tried to stay away, but i can't! jezza kyle is blasting out from my telly! a boy with a face of a baby and two scarily anorexic sisters who is a DICK. he's one of the biggest twats i've ever seen in my life. i feel so sorry for women, every day they're on jK putting up with unbelievable levels of crap from total little scumbags.

woke up with a cold today, could feel it coming on yesterday, literally can't stop sneezing at all, it's really tiring and it's given me a well sore throat. gonna get in the bath in a minute and try to steam it out a bit. Today will be a day of location drawing, i shall leave the house before 11 and draw around wakey, i'm making a wakey book. got about 5 job apps racked up to do at the weekend, i HATE HATE HATE them. if i had any money i'd pay someone to fill them in for me. but if i had any i wouldn't need to i suppose.

he's a dick this boy, he wants a dna test. i'd literally chop his stupid balls off. he needs castrating.
she accused him of sleeping of his own sister. jeremy says that's too much. it does seem pretty true though...
went to the wakefield job fair yesterda, had high hopes, bounded through the door, into the sports hall of the leisure centre, through the door, straight out the fire exit.about 10 tables in there, army, navy, 2 for fostering children, one for volunteering, nhs, radiography. so that was extremely useless, but an apt reflection of how few jobs there are in wakey. there was also one for neurological care which simon wanted me to spy on as he hasn't funded it so technically it shouldn;t be in wakey, something fishy's going on...i didn;t probe them though, just hopped it! maybe i should join the army? it's the only thing left really. I agonise over what i truly want to do with my life, maybe the answer lies in doing the opposite of what i think? maybe the only way to contentment and pure soul is through something manual? i often think that. I never minded cleaning jobs, maybe i should be a litter picker or something? lots of time with my thoughts. I would def apply if i saw it.
cripes, on the wright stuff they're discussing whether it was worth it to rescue that journalist in iraq, even though 4 people died, how ridiculous, who do people think they are, really?

was meant to meet my friend lightning tonight, i worked with him in the Spread Eagle in cambridge, but he's from Halifax, too broke to make it today... neeearly had a social life there for a moment! dangerously close to communicating with another person! think it's for the best now anyway cause i'm so sniffly.

anyway. time for a bath then embarkation into the world, it's nice and sunny at least. bon weekend crew.

ooohh hahahhaaaaaaaahahhaaa oh haa hahahaha!

hello hello, how are things?

well, i am doing some craft fairs this year in yorkyshire, i am BANNED from selling cards, as there are already too many people selling, so i shall concentrate my efforts on other crapola, such as teeny toys and calendars, hooo yeaaahh! here's my oven burn, i sprayed it with savlon, but it is still leaking, maybe i'll get gangrene? that'll liven things up round here!! may also mask the smell of fags from next do

or?

here's my jasmine tea, isn't it beautiful? it's an insight into my world today! even a cup of tea is beauty!

here's a really old yew tree in the Yorkshire Sculpture Park, we went on Sunday, it's the best place ever, you must go if you are in Yorkshire one day (ie. visiting me-I have an airbed and very good hospitality).

sooooo i am off to the studio today, better make the most of it before it is wrenched from my sweaty grip...maybe i can paint my burn? i don't know why the burn is so exciting, i've never had a bad one!

Today in my flat the windows bring forth the sound of kids back at school, and the smell of marmite and fags. I can see two boys sitting in the passage entrance so I shall have to nervously pass them in a minute...

I did watch Jeremy Kyle today, sorry Joey, but I promise to wean myself off soon... (all addicts say that) today there was a BNP woman who'd managed to raise her daughter in such a way that she cried if she saw a black person, however, her ex-boyfriend who was accusing her of the old racism and getting the audience on his side, well, turns out he pinned her to the floor and nearly killed her by headbutting her cause she didn't empty the dishwasher, so it was less black and white than all that, pardon the PUN HAHAHAHAHA!

yes, your assumptions are correct, i may well be losing my mind.

september the 18th and 19th i will be in the Bridge for my birthday so anyone who can come, please do.

no job, no sense

hello hello, i'm watching rhubarb and custard, custard just inserted a piece of cheese into the computer floppy disk slot. The tv is only really tuning into channel 5, so i am at the mercy of that today. wowee! Farmer wants a wife! a new series where a farmer gets to select a wife from some city ladies! can't wait for that, not at all backwards or awful! I will watch it though.
had a real lovely weekend with liv here, the flat feels so weird when there's no guests here... :C
made the most enormous curry ever and watched x factor, which was pretty sweet, saw simon cowell force a girl to take back a cheating boyfriend. i'm on gmtv now watching them analyse it as if it were an urgent political situation of our times.
just had a little detour to fill in every single competition on the GMTV website. how depressing.
jeezy creezy, jeremy kyle is pretty exciting today, there's a man with a tattoo on his neck who is shagging about 3 women i think he might fail the lie detector worse than anyone in the history of the programme...here it comes...........
sexual contact=lying, with becky=lying, intercourse=lying.
the man doing the test said the reaction was very strong... jeremy's manipulating her to get back onto the stage....
bloody men.
hmmm yes, this is a sad stAte for my life to have got into... i just briefly considered getting addicted to online gambling, when you go on the gmtv website it floods you with tempting offers, they certainly know their audience...
jeremy is telling this woman how to empower herself as a woman!

anyway. the job applications must continue this week, in a more desperate and frenzied way than ever! the studio is going to have to go by next month otherwise, then i will just be unemployed, not even an unemployed artist. I can't believe i'm not eligible to any kind of benefits. legally simon has to give me a living allowance, it's ridiculous, they didn't ask me anything.

i've got a bad oven burn on my arm, i just took the plaster off it, it's rank and squishy...
anyway. i am working hard at fighting the negative thoughts in my mind, it is hard though. on a monday morning with another week stretched out ahead and no prospect of paying for the studio, or my phone, or even paying the monthly interest on my overdraft, let alone anything that constitutes pleasure, like going for a coffee or something!
NO rose. positivity. Filling in job applications is unquestionably my most hated activity in the world. but i must face it. applying for jobs is my job now.

not much to report

so today on beauty and the geek they have to milk a cow, it's pretty rank. plus they are doing it in their bras. One of the geeks and the beauties have formed a "relationship" which is def the rankest thing to behold. they are now in a face off with each other and he just described it as a greek tragedy....
two of the geeks are hosing each other off now...
now they're pissed on one beer and talking about what's changed about them on this journey.

god i hate americans.

i slept in by mistake today, till 10:30, i dreamed that i was doing an MA in Rome and my bed was in the classroom and everyone was furiously getting on with stuff but i had no idea what to do...
i think i'd better go to the studio today, in the mad wind and rain outside.
my standards have lowered immensley regarding a job, i will now take anything, my benefit claim was refused so now i've lost my theoretical safety net.hmmmmmmmmmmmmm
so, not much to report. still trapped in the flat by the restrictions of poverty... but slightly more cheerful than before by sheer force of willpower.
hopefully some more amusing things to report soon.