Friday, 29 May 2009

nobody likes me everybody hates me

bloody Nora, i walked halfway today it was absolutely boiling, set me up well badly for the day, I'm all sweaty and my hair's all fluffy and i need a swim. Big time.

Dear Executive(Sir/Madam), RE: Funds Investment and Management Placement. We are facilitating for a private investor who wants to invest his financial estate in long-term business venture in your country/company under your supervision. You will be required to; [1]. Receive the funds. [2]. Invest and Manage the funds profitably. The amount available for the investment is over Sixty Five Million United States Dollars (US$65M). My client is willing to a negotiable percentage Management Commission as soon as the funds arrives your bank account. We expect to hear from you urgently as this is a high priority Investment Placement and kindly send the following information to enhance communication; 1). Full Names and Address 2). Company Name and Address 3). Telephone, Fax and Cell phone numbers. I look forward to your swift response to this mail and please acknowledge the receipt of this letter using the below email address,then I will bring you into the complete picture of this pending project when I have heard from you. Sincerely Yours, Ares Hseih. [Assistant General Manager & Chief Financial Officer] Industrial & Commercial Bank of China (Asia) Limited. Website: www.icbcasia.com email: areshseih@yahoo.com.hk

CENTRAL BANK OF NIGERIA TINUBU SQUARE, VICTORIA ISLAND,LAGOS-NIGERIA. OFFICE OF THE INTER.REMTTANCE DEPARTMENT (C.B.N) TINUBU SQUARE,VICTORIA ISLAND,LAGOS-NIGERIA FROM THE HONOURABLE OFFICE OF THE EXECUTIVE GOVERNORCENTRAL BANK NIGERIA LAGOS NIGERIA. CONTRACT#:MAV/NNPC/FGN/MIN/009. Dear Sir/Madam, During the auditing and closing of all financial records ofthe Central Bank of Nigeria (CBN) it was discovered from therecords of outstanding foreign contractors/ Award Winnersdue for payment with the Federal Government of Nigeria inthe year 2005 that your name and company is next on the listof those who will received their fund. I wish to officially notify you that your payment is beingprocessed and will be released to you as soon as you respondto this letter. Also note that from the record in our file,your outstanding contract/Award payment is USD$8,500.000.00 Million dollars (Eight Milliom Five HundredThousand United States Dollars). Kindly re-confirm to me ifthis is inline with what you have in your record and alsore-confirm the information below to enable this officeproceed and finalize your fund remittance without furtherdelays. 1) Your full name. 2) Phone, fax and mobile 3) Company name, position and address. 4) Profession, age and marital status. 5) Bank name and address As soon as the above information are received, your paymentwill be made available to you via an internationaltelegraphic Transfer through our correspondent bank , whichwill be confirmed in your nominated bank account.Send yourdetails to Central Bank Governor . Contact Name: Prof Charles Soludo Email: professorcharlessoludo.charle1@rediffmail.com Tel: +234-702-672-1701 Best Regards, SecretaryFOR: Prof Charles Soludo. E-mail: professorcharlessoludo.charle1@rediffmail.com Executive Governor,Central Bank Of Nigeria


65 million and 8 million 500 thousand on offer today. From a Professor too. I can't be brought into the complete picture until I respond, understandably.

so much for my careful packing regime in which i was going to delicately cleanse each object and dispose of those that I don't use, instead everything has been swept off the shelves straight into a giant box, each object useless, and each coated with a thick thick layer of dust. delicate glass bowls balanced perilously under litres of PVA glue, precious photographs rammed into tiny cracks. It's the Rose Harries way I'm afraid, who was I kidding?

Work becomes more and more unbearable as the days go on. 20 more days of work after today!!! But gripped by the inability to even find anything remotely resembling a job in Wakefield, a slow but increasing wave of terror is building in my body...possibly culminating one month from now in a tidal wave of sick that pulls all of my entrails out with it?
My current tactics for facing my impending life changes it to not think about them at all. I have put them behind a teeny, but very heavy door, like those fire doors, and there all the thoughts shall remain.
The other thing is to just quickly think 'itwillallworkoutokay' before you shut the door. Or else to think 'what's the worst thing that will happen?' that's one that a lot of kind people say to me if I express my feelings that it's not too late to cancel it all, and maybe I can live with my parents forever? after all, they do it in the Mediterranean?
The thing is, what is the worst that can happen? I could get there and just sit in my studio and do NOTHING and have absolutely NO ideas whatsoever, this is probably my biggest fear, and to be fair, it's pretty legitimate...
I could get there and do some stuff and then everybody just laughs at me, in my face. Or else just goes 'yeah, that's nice' but no one ever gives me any work ever. Also a pretty legitimate fear.
Everyone HATES ME HELP I'M CRAP! see then that happens.

SO I just shut that door for now and picture myself sitting in the studio drinking tea. Forget all the other stuff.

Got an M&S Cherry compote yoghurt today, the woman at the till asked me 'do you like this?!' so I said 'ooh yes it's delicious' to which she eyeballed me and said 'euch, i think it's much too sweet' quite sternly (read:you're fat, that's why you like this) and so ended our interchange. Why do people feel compelled to comment on every fucking thing?!

on that note, adieu, bon weekend, I'm off to glory in the sunshine of wakefield and start filling the studio with boxes of receipts, dusty mugs, scraps of paper, and kinder egg toys.

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