shits and giggles

Planet Earth wasn't quite as fluffy as normal last night. It was CAVES! you know what that means...b b b baaats!!
SO there's a cave in Borneo inhabited by something like 30million bats, the entirety of one species, I think they are called 'wrinkle-lipped bats' (which prompted mum to say "oh they must be related to me" which is still making me laugh now!) the floor of the cave is something like 30 million tonnes of bat shit-guano-but look closer...the floor is moving?! what's that? OOoooh it's just a living floor of 500 million billion cockroaches! THhaaat's what it is! aahahhh, how lovely! and what's this? a bat has fallen from the celing of the cave? and it's simultaneously drowning in it's own shit and being eaten alive by cockroaches? oh RiiiIIIgghht, just wondering! Shame that dad was tucking into some crispy Chinese takeaway as this scene unravelled before our eyes!
anyway, I am being a bit extreme, it's not only cockroaches, there is also shit-eating millipedes and shit-eating crabs ( i typed craps first then, now that would be a wonder!).
These cave animals are so freaky, they are alien, there are species that have de-evolved (is that a word?) their eyes. There are some birds, called swiftlets, which make these little cup-nests out of SPIT, it's fucking rank, and people climb 60 metres up a vine ladder to rip them off the wall cause they get used in soup and are worth the same gram for gram, as silver. People are idiots, fucking spit soup, here's £50, idiots.
The actual caves were amazing, talk about claustrophobia, these cave divers swim for tens of miles trapped in a cave system, they squeeze through holes that are much too small for them, risking puncturing their oxygen, it's terrifying to see! they've mapped underwater caves that are more than 100 MILES long, pulling a piece of string, like in the labyrinth, in order to measure and find the way back. It is all very dreamlike and amazing. The crystals and the absolute purity of the water. They have bacteria that exist miles underground, and are proof that organisms can exist without deriving energy from the sun...pretty sweet.

OK OK ENOUGH planet earth! what's been happening on my planet, yeah?
someone has theived an i pod here, which has caused a gang of his mates to cruise around enforcing martial law, they were just found interrogating a Korean boy on the landing to tears.
I'm enjoying my Penguin audio cd's still, nearly finished Oliver Twist, it's very exciting, and also very shocking, nothing like the musical, also it's quite racist....I think I love audio books the most, they allow for the dual pleasure of looking and listening. Looking at the ducks, listening to a cockney scrabble.
anyway, I am, of course, SO bloody excited about the apprentice, i keep remembering it's on and then feeling excited. Who's going today? I'm predicting Howard, the dribble queen, or else the girl with the scar on her forehead...after the momentous success of Philip going, it'll be a boring one again this week, for sure. JAMES TO WIN!
now for today's haiku:

Haiku
I want to write a
haiku, I do, I do, do
I really want to.

I'm really getting the hang of these.
an ode to the leaf i found today, now sitting on my computer:

Leaf
Spikey leaf, red and
black. Found it on the pavement
near to Jesus Green.

i'm a dick.